http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity Just another bbPress community en-US Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:01:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity/page/2#post-215967 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:56:32 +0000 McChubbin 215967@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Any characters I create during a manic cycle tend to be short-lived, forgettable and with few-if any-flaws so aside from one or two exceptions that I&#39;ve embellished, they don&#39;t tend to last long.</p> <p>on the flipside, one of my female protagonists was created during a depressive period and although her life is one of hardship, she seems to be the most endearing of the lot.</p> <p>*Then again, my muse is biased towards sardonic, misantrophic sociopaths...* </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity/page/2#post-213759 Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:14:32 +0000 tsirafauna 213759@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>it&#39;s quite an old topic but I&#39;ll reply anyway...</p> <p>I am most productive when I&#39;m a my lowest. Not productive in any way that would bring me money or anything but productive meaning that I write a lot. There was a time some years ago when I kept 3 different blogs at the same time, some of them still exist, some have been deleted but everything is saved on my harddisk.<br /> in 2003 my mother was in a mental hospital for several months, for the second time. the first time she was there I was 14 and stayed at my granparents&#39; for the time my mother was away.<br /> in 2003 I was 18 and I refused to stay anywhere else but home. because my mother not being there meant that I could be there. The last weeks before she went to the hospital it was unbearable for me to be home. She would just sit in the kitchen for hours and stare at the floor. she would try to cook something and forget halfway through and let it burn. she would stand at the window, staring out and thinking that &quot;they&quot; were observing her.<br /> I just couldn&#39;t stand it and stayed out (with my horse) as long as I could and then I would sneak in and go straight to bed.<br /> When she was gone, it was &quot;home&quot; again. I know it sounds awful. I only went to visit her once or twice. I knew it wasn&#39;t fair but I also knew I couldn&#39;t handle seeing her locked up somewhere she didn&#39;t want to be. An act of self-protection, I guess.<br /> No one knew that my mother was in hospital, not because I was ashamed but because I didn&#39;t want any pity, I wanted to handle it alone.<br /> Of course, this wasn&#39;t good for me. I played strong. But I was weak. I felt like the biggest heap of shit, I had let my mother down, I had let them take her away, she wanted nothing more than to see me and I didn&#39;t go. But I knew if I saw her I would start to cry and I didn&#39;t want her to see me crying. And I didn&#39;t want to see her crying.<br /> I tried to protect myself from the outside world but I forgot that we can never protect us from ourselves. So I started to hurt myself again, stopped eating properly and wrote like a madwoman. Dark stuff, short stories all ending in suicide, poems about corpses, even the slightest sign of light got extinguished as soon as the first happy word escaped through my fingertips onto the keyboard.</p> <p>Sorry, I just realised that I have written way more than I wanted...</p> <p>What I was trying to say was that I usually write a lot when I&#39;m really down but can&#39;t be bothered to as much as touch a pen or keyboard when I&#39;m happy. I haven&#39;t been particularly happy for as long as I can remember, but in the last six years I had several &quot;writing episodes&quot;. For the last months I was in a neutral mood, indifferent about everything. that&#39;s not too bad, not low enough to start writing like a maniac again but not particularly happy.<br /> And it&#39;s odd, I kind of enjoy those low episodes because then I feel like I&#39;m [i]doing[/] something. I keep myself busy at the moment, working, walking, riding, always listening to music (except when I&#39;m walking), always running around. that&#39;s how I try to stop myself from starting to write again, writing down the tiniest shreds of thoughts and ideas...<br /> But I&#39;m not sure. Maybe I should just start writing on purpose before I get any lower? I wrote a short story for a writing contest 2 months ago and although I only started writing about 24 hours before it was due, I got that high feeling again. when I&#39;m writing, I feel like the king of the universe, totally invulnerable, even immortal. but only for the time I&#39;m typing or scribbling.<br /> Odd. As if I&#39;m trying to cure a low with a self induced high. isn&#39;t that what drugs do? Maybe I should start writing again...</p> <p>(again: SORRY for babbling around. and SORRY for my English.) </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115911 Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:08:37 +0000 Bippy Bear 115911@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Well jolly good show for getting back to you -it's always nice to go visiting but good to come home.<br /> <br /> I know.<br /> <br /> Benjamin will get onto your site one of these bright days - inbetween work, hospital visits etc ........ do feel free to visit mine too if you wish http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115901 Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:52:17 +0000 Benjamin 115901@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Glad to hear it, chum &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; Very good news indeed.<br /> <br /> All the best - I'm confident you'll be just fine. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115891 Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:26:34 +0000 IRIdiot 115891@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Well the doc agreed with me that I shouldn't be taking that particular antipsychotic &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; yay. <br /> <br /> We're going to see how I do just on the SSRI's. Fingers crossed. And I'm back to being me again! Wohoo! http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115705 Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:25:32 +0000 Benjamin 115705@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ My lord, I think you might be right &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_eek.gif&quot; title=&quot;8-O&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; <br /> <br /> That's going to cheer me up all day &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; <br /> <br /> <br /> <strong>&gt;&gt;&gt;</strong>EDIT: And meandering vaguely back on topic, see my signature for a link to my own creative whimsy, so you chaps and chapettes can get a vague idea of what I was talking about.<strong>&lt;&lt;&lt;</strong> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115421 Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:01:20 +0000 Bippy Bear 115421@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ : <br /> Which doesn't really, but will regardless, bring me to my next statement: 'Bollix' really should have been a character in Asterix.</blockquote><br /> <br /> Oh and I thought he was! Along with Fullotrix, Prettypix and Caykmix...... or am I writing it myself? http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115249 Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:31:00 +0000 Benjamin 115249@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ X-D Heh - guilty here, too.<br /> <br /> I filled up an entire notepad with incomprehensible gibberish after getting rather stoned and gorging myself on my flatmate's chicken like some primal creature. And I don't even want to get started on what I've written when drunk.<br /> <br /> LSD might have created some interesting prose on the one occasion that I tried it, if I hadn't been in the mindset where I probably would have thought my computer was a giant mechanical venus fly trap.<br /> <br /> <br /> Which doesn't really, but will regardless, bring me to my next statement: 'Bollix' really should have been a character in Asterix. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115225 Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:57:42 +0000 Bippy Bear 115225@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Well my bad experience was before I was properly diagnosed. Now that has happened and I am on the correct medication, I am a lot better - still with fluctuations obviously (that is the nature of the beast) but not as extreme.<br /> <br /> <br /> I self medicated too.......... wrote some complete bollix while smashed too. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-115215 Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:27:56 +0000 Benjamin 115215@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ either that or sleep for 16 hours a day - and you end up thinking, here I am with all this time and not a blasted thing to show for it.</blockquote><br /> <br /> I guess I experienced the other side of the coin, though - being so anxious and down all the time I found that the only way I could function was just detaching myself completely (and this did involve 'self-medication', unfortunately), and that ultimately had the same effect as a load of mood stabilizers would have. In fact, I was on flupentixol for a while (an antipsychotic), which turned me into just that. I think that it's a matter of finding your own balance between what you need to function without pushing you too far towards the 'undead' bracket. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-114923 Tue, 03 Mar 2009 17:59:46 +0000 Bippy Bear 114923@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Yeah the SSRI's aren't too bad<br /> <br /> But the mood stabilisers are making me into a zombie<br /> <br /> A zombie who stares at a blank screen and can't think of anything to write &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif&quot; title=&quot;:(&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </blockquote><br /> <br /> Hoo hoo do I know that feeling. I got put on a varying cocktail of things that made me zombie for nearly a year - either that or sleep for 16 hours a day - and you end up thinking, here I am with all this time and not a blasted thing to show for it. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-114921 Tue, 03 Mar 2009 17:44:04 +0000 Benjamin 114921@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hmm. I have a friend on a veritable pharmacy's worth of mood stabilizers, because he has severe epilepsy, and has had fits triggered by heightened moods. He's an entertaining individual who gets on with his job and has a good relationship with his friends and his partner, but doesn't really do anything 'creative', per se. He doesn't really like to be touched intimately, has no libido a lot of the time, and only really seems to express anything other than blankness when he's drunk.<br /> <br /> I think that if you can get away with not taking them (i.e. if your safety, relationships or jobs won't be threatened by such), then you should try and make do with just the SSRIs. If not, try and ween yourself onto a lower dose or a different type. Different medications work differently for different people after all, differenty differentington.<br /> <br /> This is, of course, just my two cents. I think it's a shame when people feel that their talents are going to waste. http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-114777 Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:27:55 +0000 IRIdiot 114777@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Yeah the SSRI's aren't too bad<br /> <br /> But the mood stabilisers are making me into a zombie<br /> <br /> A zombie who stares at a blank screen and can't think of anything to write &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif&quot; title=&quot;:(&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-114507 Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:22:28 +0000 Benjamin 114507@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hmm. I feel an essay coming on. Here goes ...<br /> <br /> IRIdiot - I didn't find that SSRIs hampered the creative process for me; in essence, I am as up and down as I've always been. I have the attention span of a coked-up squirrel and so I tend to flit between one thing and another - but as a general rule, I'm usually working on at least one thing. Like many people have mentioned, my lower phases mean that simply getting out of bed is a mission, let alone turning on my computer and bringing myself to write anything; and when I'm more hyped-up I want to run around, put kitchenware on my head, get incredibly drunk and sing 'Finiculi, Finicula' in quasi-Italian from a tree-stump - again, not sit down and write. My head's a mess of creative thoughts at times like that, but it's jumbled, garbled and very difficult to channel. However, the meds I'm on haven't really stopped me from being like that - they've simply made it easier to manage panic attacks and depressive moods.<br /> <br /> Satnin1981, once again, I can't congratulate you enough for overcoming your difficulties and channeling them into a work others can enjoy and take something from. What sort of setting are these loosely inspired characters in? I play in mostly fantasy based ball parks, myself - I get enough realism every time I check my balance.<br /> <br /> Joan and Bippy (I'm overwhelmed with the sudden desire to call you 'The Bipster', but I won't), I see exactly where you're coming from and I've been the same myself. On occasion I'm able to dredge up the motivation maybe just to read a book, and lose myself in another world for a few hours - and then, just maybe, I can muster the energy to read back through stuff I've written and realize how much I enjoy it. I find that getting the enthusiasm back can be enough to drag you back up out of that swampy, miasmal black quicksand that is bummed-outedness and get you feeling productive again - and so while negative feelings like that can bring you crashing down to unproductivity, it can work both ways.<br /> <br /> Pando, I see exactly what you mean by the colourful highs you get which inspire you to be in front of a camera. It's great being able to get something productive like a modelling career out of those highs because, as you said, it's near enough impossible to set your mind to anything while you're buzzing - so why bother? If everything's bright and colourful just enjoy it. You need to be in that mindset where you're uninhibited enough to jump into those (very snappy) clothes and get in front of a lens. I wanted to do life modelling a while back, but I don't think I would have been able to keep up the confidence without getting drunk - and no-one's artistic when they're drunk.<br /> I love the tats, by the way &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; And the painting's coming across really nicely - I can't really tell from the photo and my abysmal screen resolution, but is it acrylics?<br /> <br /> [Right, coffee break. I told you.]<br /> <br /> Monochromeprincess, I love a lot of that candid and twisted imagery you've got going on. This is why I asked the question initially, because it fascinates me how people channel these feelings. I have never even once written a poem like that - mine tend to be about wrestling with shopping trolleys in an empty street, or totalling an Audi A6 with a binbag I threw over my back garden wall in a medicated stupor, or my fiancee's cat mating with my boot while she was on heat. I think it's because the more absurd side of day-to-day life provides a nice escape for me - a reminder that not everything is grey, dull, insipid or hostile. Instead of venting the angst, I try and replace it with something altogether more accommodating and let it dissipate of its own accord.<br /> <br /> I've been thinking about how I'd answer my own question, and I think I agree with what the Bip... Bippy Bear said. Most of the characters I come up with tend to be inherently troubled in some way, even if it's only being marred by a slight imperfection; and then I veer into extremes very often, with hopeless alcoholics and drug abusers - I even have a bi-polar superhero on the cards (yes, I write, draw and foremost read comics.) However, I find it amazingly therapeutic to come up with stunning alien environments, tranquil fields and groves, sprawling tundras and the like, which don't have a shred of hostility about them.<br /> <br /> It's such a long post and I don't know how to wrap up. I guess it's going to have to be musically.<br /> <br /> Dum badum dum dum - DUM.<br /> <br /> There we are &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_confused.gif&quot; title=&quot;:?&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/how-your-mental-issues-affect-your-creativity#post-114179 Sun, 01 Mar 2009 17:54:39 +0000 IRIdiot 114179@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Actually just the question I was going to ask!<br /> <br /> I'm a recently published writer, just diagnosed. My mania was great for getting my word count in, the depressive phases better for editing back those wild flights of fancy. <br /> <br /> However, I'm concerned that now I'm taking meds it might affect my creativity, especially as they leave me feeling so...blah. <br /> <br /> Anyone tell me how their meds affected their writing / creativity?