The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: I don't know what to do

The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: I don't know what to do http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3 Just another bbPress community en-US Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:57:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php quantumofire on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217879 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:55:43 +0000 quantumofire 217879@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hello m00c0w, Great to hear from you again. There's no much more that I can add to what's already been said by Maxx, Michael, and Tito. I'm really happy you've got a boyfriend as well <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> xxxx Quantum. tito on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217765 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:40:42 +0000 tito 217765@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ It's very good to hear from you. <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> The zombie feeling you describe is not uncommon. It's when things are re-adjusting. And hopefully that means things are on the up for you. The best new is that you have a boyfriend. I really hope this is a new beginning for you and that it works out. Good news all round. Love and best wishes, Tito xxx michael on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217753 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:09:29 +0000 michael 217753@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><cite>m00c0w <a href="//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217719"">said</a>:</cite> Sorry for not responding - a bit bad of me considering the last few posts. The meds are weird. I have no emotion - neither good nor bad, and I feel like a zombie to be honest. Well, that may be a bit extreme but that's the only word I can come up with. I have had two months off of work, and am now back this week. What with no sleep, and this odd spaced out feeling I have all the time.... odd - just lost my train of thought - which is what this does to me. I find it hard to communicate. I guess the only good thing to report at the moment is that I am not feeling down. The thoughts are still there (although they only rise very occasionally now) that I hate myself etc, but not the emotion that goes with it. I did have a go at slashing my wrists a few weeks ago, but I was drunk and that has been the only time I have been really down. The marks are just about going down - oh, and it bloody hurts. Not a recommended way to go. Anyway, onwards and - the saying is upwards, but I feel like I've hit a flatline in the middle at the moment. I am better though. And I now have a boyfriend too!!</blockquote> HEY! wonderful to hear from you! i don't know about other folks on here, but sometimes i lose my train of thought and have a really hard time talking... but it's not all the time. it's often when i am missing some doses or change dosage, etc... and esp when first going on them...or when a depression comes along even tho i'm still on the meds (yes i still feel them come and go, but i don't have the suicidal reaction to it...) horrible run on sentence, sorry. i'm happy for you too! and again, so glad to hear from you. <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Maxx England on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217747 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:41:20 +0000 Maxx England 217747@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ YESSS!!! So happy for you, Keep going, your sun is ready to rise! m00c0w on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217719 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 10:51:20 +0000 m00c0w 217719@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Sorry for not responding - a bit bad of me considering the last few posts. The meds are weird. I have no emotion - neither good nor bad, and I feel like a zombie to be honest. Well, that may be a bit extreme but that's the only word I can come up with. I have had two months off of work, and am now back this week. What with no sleep, and this odd spaced out feeling I have all the time.... odd - just lost my train of thought - which is what this does to me. I find it hard to communicate. I guess the only good thing to report at the moment is that I am not feeling down. The thoughts are still there (although they only rise very occasionally now) that I hate myself etc, but not the emotion that goes with it. I did have a go at slashing my wrists a few weeks ago, but I was drunk and that has been the only time I have been really down. The marks are just about going down - oh, and it bloody hurts. Not a recommended way to go. Anyway, onwards and - the saying is upwards, but I feel like I've hit a flatline in the middle at the moment. I am better though. And I now have a boyfriend too!! Maxx England on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-217095 Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:25:01 +0000 Maxx England 217095@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I've been away, been down and unable to give my support. I'm going to pm m00c0w. katysara on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-216147 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:12:00 +0000 katysara 216147@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ ditto tito on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-216071 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:37:59 +0000 tito 216071@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hello too m00c0w, I'm echoing beastie's message. Love Tito xx quantumofire on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-216005 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:28:52 +0000 quantumofire 216005@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ How are you getting on m00c0w? I thought I just throw a line out to see if your still about and checking out this forum. It would be nice to have a hi <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> xxxx beastie. marzgirl on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/16#post-214565 Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:50:30 +0000 marzgirl 214565@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Just wondering how you are doing m00c0w. Has the med change been helpful? XXXXXX marzgirl on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/15#post-213353 Sun, 10 Jan 2010 02:09:52 +0000 marzgirl 213353@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I tried to respond to the idea that the people left behind don't just get over it in a factual way, not trying to add to any guilt. I am sorry if I did. XXXXXX katysara on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/15#post-213263 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 16:12:37 +0000 katysara 213263@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ It's never really helpful to make a suicidal person feel more guilty about the pain and suffering they will cause by their actions. We all know we will hurt people, we all struggle terribly with guilt over this, and those of us who go through with suicide either decide their pain is worse why should they suffer it, or that their loved ones will get over it. Or both - as in my case when i tried. So I'm not here to make you feel bad about that - it is your right as a human being to do with your life as you choose, collatoral damage cannot be avoided. I still have my gbl, not sure I could get more now it's class C. As for Mephedrone that is an odd choice - not very reliable, what made you come up with that. More effective when mixed with certain other drugs I'm obviously not going to mention... still I do wonder where you think these things up from. MIRTAZAPINE IS GREAT, far better than what you were on IMHO. It will (should) help you get a better nights sleep. You can go up to 30mg or even 45mg. Take it at night. If you have the tablet kind allow an hour before bed time. If you have the dissolving kind take when you go to bed. KSx <a href="mailto:katysara@gmail.com">katysara@gmail.com</a> <a href="http://www.katysaraculling.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.katysaraculling.com/</a> Maxx England on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/15#post-213107 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:29:38 +0000 Maxx England 213107@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I know a woman whose 2 children both died young, this is over 40 years ago, and she still hurts. I have lost friends in accidents, I still think about them. I think about my father most days, and he died over 40 years ago. Trying to convince yourself won't change anything. You are a real, flesh and blood, human being and you are part of peoples' lives. Leaving irreversibly will rip a huge hole in their world. None of us here can tell you what to do, but I'm going to ask you to talk to your doctor about counselling and therapy as a matter of urgency. Take a printout of this along with you if it will help. I did stuff the hard way, went into my own darknesses alone and conquered some of my own bogeymen; it really wasn't pleasant and I'd hate to think of anybody as far down the black slope as you are, going there without anybody to guide their steps. The poor self image, feeling of worthlessness, they have roots in experience and conditioning. You need to see that the experience and conditioning are not a correct reflection of your actual personality and worth in the world. Most of us here know that sensation of self loathing, disgust, guilt at our own weaknesses and faults. We fight them daily, and sometimes our suns shine. I want, we want you to have your days in the sun too. marzgirl on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/15#post-213039 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:02:27 +0000 marzgirl 213039@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ No one ever gets over it. My Aunt was killed in a car accident when she was 15yrs old. My Grandmother is now 93yrs old and she has never stopped talking about her and missing her. My mom was only 9yrs old when she died and also talks about her often and always knew her first daughter would be named after her. That would be me. Although her death was an accident, none of them were ever the same. Including me. I did not even know her, but they always used to say things to me like "your Aunt would never treat her sister like that." I always thought I would die when I was 15 just like she did. Perhaps that is why I rebelled so much. If she was so good and died then I would be bad and live. The fact is your mom would never recover. I have not lost my kids, but knowing what my Grandmother went through and being a friend to a couple who lost their son to an illness at age four I guaran damn tee you your mom will not "get over it". XXXXXXX m00c0w on "I don't know what to do" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/i-dont-know-what-to-do-3/page/15#post-213009 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 22:10:19 +0000 m00c0w 213009@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Calling my friend is the last thing I want to do right now. Besides - what can he do?? Really........... I've known him for about 7 years now, and it's within the last year we have become close. Beforehand this was all clear cut and simple - I knew what I wanted to do and when. Now, letting someone get close to me has made things quite complicated. We have so much planned together too - a holiday in March, a music festival, a few concerts etc - through to September. At the moment in my head, I'm not going on holiday because I don't want to spoil it for anyone. A holiday is a holiday and he needs a break from me! The concert in a few weeks time - *shrug*. The rest I can sign over to him. It's all paid for, but I can take the financial hit - it's not like I spend my money on anything really. The way I see it - he'll be fine a week or so after I'm gone - if that. My mum obviously will take longer, but she'll get over it. Life carries on after all doesn't it?! It's just that I don't want it to.