The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: Lovely Little Things II

The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: Lovely Little Things II - the lost years http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years Just another bbPress community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 17:19:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-293347 Sat, 18 May 2013 19:23:59 +0000 Frazzy 293347@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Packing has shone light upon the fact that I am a hoarder of shoelaces, the realisation of which, only makes me want more shoelaces.. Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-293053 Fri, 10 May 2013 02:33:51 +0000 Frazzy 293053@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ It's great when a thing that has needed cleaning for ages and is really gross suddenly breaks, and then you can get a new thing and not have to clean the old thing. Even better when you can now get a larger thing that is better because things cost less then they did when you got the original thing. Even more wonderful is discovering that the new thing beeps in a much less irritating manner than the old thing. Although I do think all things should come with an an option to never ever beep under any circumstances whatsoever ever at all ever because beeping is fucking annoying. Except smoke alarms, I guess, though in my experience Labradors are better than smoke alarms, as a Labrador has actually saved me from a fire, but all a smoke alarm has ever done is make me fall to the floor, paralysed by the horrible sound, waiting for someone tall to take the battery out so I can continue to cook bacon. My point being, obviously, that we have a new microwave, and it is shiny and nice and doesn't smell like burnt porridge and exploded stir-fry and is big enough that the popcorn packet doesn't get caught on the side and can continue on it's merry journey around and around and around and around and around.... And it's beep is less ear-bleed inducing! Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-293033 Wed, 08 May 2013 17:13:01 +0000 Clive 293033@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><cite>Popeye <a href="""//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292703"""">said</a>:</cite> This is so true and I don't see what gives Bingo players the right to be so rude and nasty. After all IT'S JUST A GAME PEOPLE! I hope yourself and your colleague are able to try to ignore the horrible comments and know that you are bigger and better than them and they should count themselves lucky and be grateful to have someone so nice working for their enjoyment and entertainment. BTW I'd love to see pics of the Queen act - it sounds hilarious! </blockquote> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_redface.gif" title=":oops:" class="bb_smilies" /> Thanks Popeye, I'm not sure how nice I am, lol, but glad I come across that way! It's hard not to take it personally when customers are mean, lol, but I seem to be developing a thicker skin day by day. And they seem to have been more subdued since I had my hissy fit, mwahaha! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_confused.gif" title=":?" class="bb_smilies" /> I felt really bad for losing control like that, then I saw Helen Mirren telling off those drummers on the news the other day and I felt much better - I was like - YES! Even Helen Mirren dressed as the Queen loses it sometimes! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_mrgreen.gif" title=":mrgreen:" class="bb_smilies" /> I'm not sure whether we got pictures of the Queen act, lol - I sort of hope we didn't! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> We're doing the Blues Brothers this Saturday - I can't wait <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif" title="8)" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Popeye on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292703 Fri, 19 Apr 2013 15:30:05 +0000 Popeye 292703@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><cite>Clive <a href=""//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292663""">said</a>:</cite> If a customer in a shop asked the cashier how much, say, a rubber duck cost, and the cashier said, 'It's six pounds sixty five. Oh, silly me. I mean six pounds fifty six.' And then the customer stood in the middle of the shop floor and shouted 'IT'S SIX POUNDS FIFTY SIX! YOU GOT IT WRONG, YOU IDIOT! CONCENTRATE WHY DON'T YOU! YOU'RE WORTHLESS - YOU'RE UNFIT TO BE A CASHIER - I CAME HERE TO BUY A RUBBER DUCK AND YOU'RE MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT WITH YOUR STAGGERING INCOMPETENCE AND, BY THE WAY, YOU SMELL AND YOU'RE A CRAP HUMAN BEING AND YOU'RE JUST AWFUL AND I HATE YOU,' then surely they'd be escorted out of the shop by security. </blockquote> This is so true and I don't see what gives Bingo players the right to be so rude and nasty. After all IT'S JUST A GAME PEOPLE! I hope yourself and your colleague are able to try to ignore the horrible comments and know that you are bigger and better than them and they should count themselves lucky and be grateful to have someone so nice working for their enjoyment and entertainment. BTW I'd love to see pics of the Queen act - it sounds hilarious! Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292665 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 08:09:36 +0000 Frazzy 292665@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Killing threads is better than killing real life conversations.. Coming between old ladies and their gambling is unwise. Maybe bingo needs rubber ducks, rubber ducks are the zen sand garden of bath time,... but no, now I've imagined naked-bubble-bath-bingo, This is most displeasing. Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292663 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:56:32 +0000 Clive 292663@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Ok, becoming mildly worried that I'm killing threads now <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_confused.gif" title=":?" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> Anyway, we did the Freddy Mercury sketch and it went down rather well. The hoover was cumbersome to handle but I managed it. We gave away a massive cardboard cutout of the Queen as one of the prizes (yes - Her Majesty, in keeping with the 'Queen' theme), and the woman who won it was so delighted that her and her friends asked if they could also have the cardboard cutout of Big Ben that we had on stage as decoration, so we told them that they could have it if they came up onstage and did a bicycle-style dance to 'Bicycle Race' by Queen. They re-negotiated, though, to doing a dance to 'Don't Stop Me Now,' and three of them straddled the Big Ben cutout and processed around the stage. I was commanded to hop on the back of Big Ben halfway through and join them. In more annoying news, I had a bit of a meltdown whilst calling the bingo the other day. At the beginning of the Early Session I accidentally said 'fifty-seven' instead of 'fifty-six,' and the hall exploded into uproar (you think I'm exaggerating - I'm not. If you've ever been to a big bingo hall you'll know how brutal it can be). So I did my usual 'I apologise - don't panic' routine, which usually works to diffuse the situation, though for some reason this time it didn't. Instead, one woman shouted quite viciously, 'WELL CONCENTRATE THEN!' I've had worse things yelled at me while calling, but I was having a particularly bad day that day and something snapped and I said over the microphone, 'Well, if anyone else would like to get up here and call strings of numbers out for the entirety of their existence without making a single mistake, then you're welcome!' There was a shocked silence and then more uproar. One elderly lady who likes me shouted, 'Don't let them shout at you, A___!' and other people were defending the woman who'd shouted at me and other people were telling off the people defending her. I said, 'I'm only human,' continued the game, and at the end of the book ran into the staff room and sobbed for five minutes. Then came out and called the rest of the bingo. I mean. I MEAN. Why is bingo calling so peculiar that we allow people to get away with such evil mean-ness?! Last month, my colleague missed a very quiet claim and the woman whose claim she'd missed screamed at her and told her 'You're an awful human being.' On Sunday, another of my colleagues was told by a customer, 'You stink. Wear some deororant.' It's almost part of the bingo experience for the customers - to come and gripe and be mean to someone, and it's usually the callers that get the brunt of it as they're the most visible and vocal. If a customer in a shop asked the cashier how much, say, a rubber duck cost, and the cashier said, 'It's six pounds sixty five. Oh, silly me. I mean six pounds fifty six.' And then the customer stood in the middle of the shop floor and shouted 'IT'S SIX POUNDS FIFTY SIX! YOU GOT IT WRONG, YOU IDIOT! CONCENTRATE WHY DON'T YOU! YOU'RE WORTHLESS - YOU'RE UNFIT TO BE A CASHIER - I CAME HERE TO BUY A RUBBER DUCK AND YOU'RE MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT WITH YOUR STAGGERING INCOMPETENCE AND, BY THE WAY, YOU SMELL AND YOU'RE A CRAP HUMAN BEING AND YOU'RE JUST AWFUL AND I HATE YOU,' then surely they'd be escorted out of the shop by security. Bingo's weird as, Dudes. Weird as. Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292617 Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:21:09 +0000 Clive 292617@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Gratified to hear you tried the Regency Garb Game, Frazzy - awesome, isn't it? Tomorrow evening I have to dress up as Freddy Mercury in drag for our Saturday night show at the bingo hall. Originally my biologically male colleague was going to do it, but then the rotas changed, so I've ended up being Freddie. You know the hoover bit from 'I Want To Break Free'? We're doing that. I've just managed to convince the customers that I'm a man - this is going to confuse them beyond belief <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> Also a bit of a hairy moment this morning when we tried to assemble the hoover and the cyclone bit fell off. So I'll have to hoover very carefully on the night. Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/42#post-292531 Sun, 31 Mar 2013 11:43:44 +0000 Frazzy 292531@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Sleep until 4PM, Acquire black hospital coffee and hospital cafe chips and listen to strange nurses conversations (Spent so much time visiting hospital in the past 2 years, have some kind of Stockholm syndrome type thing. I'd totally go sit in random waiting rooms just for 'fun') followed by Doctor Who and Nachos. A good day. Also imagined various nurses, orderlies, patients and the food tray man in regency garb. Amusing. Troubled only by this one built-in chair thing in a row of built in chair things, that is upholstered in completely different material for no apparent reason, IT IS UNSETTLING. I suspect if you sit on it, it opens a secret door that goes to the secret mad scientist and/or vampire part of the hospital. The Frankenstein wing. Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-292465 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:45:49 +0000 Clive 292465@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I invented a new game at work for when I'm standing bored waiting to check bingo claims. I look at different customers and imagine them in Regency costume. It's amazeballs. Some of the people who really don't 'rock' the clothes of 2013 would look fabulous in Regency clothing. And vice-versa. Try it! Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-292269 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 12:20:17 +0000 Frazzy 292269@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ extremely stale ginger biscuits may or may not cure acute drunk hiccups. fact or unfact. Frazzy on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-292267 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 11:59:45 +0000 Frazzy 292267@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I want scrabble magnets, but everything I put on the fridge, my severely disabled mother-in-law would see, as, clearly, I was the Hitler of fluffy kittens in a past life. I was a total arse to those kittens. Just stomp on my face, please. Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-290409 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 22:49:14 +0000 Clive 290409@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hi Recoveringchristian! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Thank you so much for your response, and for the well wishes - the appointment went well, thanks - lots more assessment to go through before they can diagnose and treat me, it looks like, but at least the process has started and I'm on the right road! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Antony and the Johnsons look great - I'd never heard of them before, but I followed your link and looked up some of their stuff on iTunes, and their music sounds really interesting. I'll have to download a couple of their albums. Never entered my mind that your post was patronising or condescending - thank you for being so friendly! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Recoveringchristian on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-290379 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:01:44 +0000 Recoveringchristian 290379@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hi Clive I'm new to the site and am trying to catch up with as much as I can, as often as I can. I was interested to read your post and would first of all , like to wish you the best of luck at the clinic and I hope it goes well for you. I have no idea of what you are going through but I do admire your honesty. (I think there could be no better phrase for felatio than "squeezing the lizards tongue". I think you may have coined a new euphemism! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> ) As a father and grandfather, it has become more and more important to me that the kids find happiness and contentment. It took a while but until I was happy within myself, I found it hard to make anyone else happy. This was something that I discovered gradually but is amazing how simple your life becomes when you stop being as judgemental, offer support instead of criticism and let people live their own lives. I just thought i would wish you the very best and try your hardest to make yourself happy. I am a music fan and one of my favourites is Antony Hegarty. Wonderful singer and spokesperson for the transgender community. I am including a link his website and hope you will find it interesting. I hope I'm not patronising or condescending, I genuinely wish you the very best. <a href="http://www.antonyandthejohnsons.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.antonyandthejohnsons.com/</a> Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-290373 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 20:39:05 +0000 Clive 290373@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Sorry for resurrecting a rather old thread, lol, but I just wanted to share this - I have an appointment at the Gender Clinic on Thursday! It's the loveliest thing that's happened to me in a long time, lol! I'm so excited! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> I do hope I'll be able to get hormone treatment. I'm so exhausted of awkward social encounters. The other day, a customer at the bingo called me 'Darling' the first time I checked a claim, and then 'Mate' when I brought him his prize, and then, 'Darling' when I brought him the receipt to sign, and then 'Son' when he won for a second time. I don't know whether he was working it out in his own head, or whether he thought I was a different person every time he encountered me, but at any rate he could've just picked one and stuck with it.... People get so frustrated as well, and I start out relaxed about it, and then when they get frustrated at their own mistake, their frustration rubs off on me. Like, a lady the other day said, 'Oh, you've changed your name,' and I said, 'Yes. I changed it to a boy's name, for I am transsexual' (I've stopped pussyfooting around in my explanations now, lol), and she said, 'Oh, well. Good lass. Lad. Lass. I mean lad. LAD!' I I was picking up a prescription the other day, too, and the pharmacist said, 'Are you sure that A____ hasn't come in to pick it up himself already?' and I said, 'Erm... no. I am A_____. I am the A____ of which you speak.' (My name isn't actually A_____. It's Andrew. I don't know why I'm disguising it. It's no great secret - I'm not a spy or anything. I'm a a bingo caller. Even if my bosses at the bingo found this, they wouldn't call me into the office and say, 'Andrew, you've been posting on a Stephen Fry message board. I'm afraid we'll have to let you go). And the pharmacist said, 'Well, sorreeee,' in that kind of sarcastic, 'I'm not really sorry' kind of way. WHAT? Why is SHE annoyed that SHE might've offended ME? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? The whole things really messing me up. I keep dreaming about penises. I fell asleep this afternoon and dreamt that I was performing oral... you know... on Daniel Craig as James Bond (am I allowed to mention that on here, or is it inappropriate?) It started out great - we were in an underground car park and I saved him from being shot by leaping in front of a bullet, though then we were suddenly in bed, and I was under the covers... doing... that thing... but his lower anatomy kept shrinking and curling away from me like one of those tongues in a toy lizard that you squeeze. Clive on "Lovely Little Things II - the lost years" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/lovely-little-things-ii-the-lost-years/page/41#post-284349 Thu, 17 May 2012 20:46:44 +0000 Clive 284349@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Whilst I'm tearing my hair out waiting for the new episode of House: MD to become available to download on iTunes (three and a quarter hours... I can do it. I can do it), I thought I'd distract myself <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_eek.gif" title="8O" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble1.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble2.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble3.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble4.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble5.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble6.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble7.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble8.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble9.jpg"> <img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l608/mcroft41/Scrabble10.jpg">