http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid Just another bbPress community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 20:58:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281087 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:41:11 +0000 nanny rabbits 281087@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>i&#39;m new here and don&#39;t really know what to say to people<br /> but i&#39;ll be sending you some nice calming vibes<br /> wishing you all the best xxx</p> <p>nan </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281081 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:17:26 +0000 buttons_37 281081@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>What I have to do!<br /> I have to get bloodtests so that I can start a course of Depakote. I only tried Depakote for about a month when I was in hospital the end of 2008, 2009. I have also begged lol the psych for a new anti-psychotic with less side effects (dream on). I said I was having a crisis last tuesday coz I was speeding out of control and I was anxious about appointments I had last week. I&#39;m on quetiapine coz it also helps me go to sleep at night but I can&#39;t take alot coz it makes me sleepy. And my hypomanic episodes can push through the effects of quetiapine. I know its difficult sometimes for psychiatrists but its not a ball of fun being a service user. I&#39;ve been admonished for grumbling coz grumbling about stuff doesn&#39;t achieve much except going round and round in circles. I am not well enough to have therapy. I talk fast when I am depressed and I talk even faster when I&#39;m having a hypomanic episode.<br /> My co-ordinator pointed me in the direction of The Stress Vulnerability Model and it really opened my eyes. He has given me stuff before on a piece of paper. But this time I looked on the internet and came across <a href="http://www.hopevancouver.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.hopevancouver.com</a> which has some interesting stuff. There was a part about coping with the negative thoughts. It says say to yourself,<br /> &quot;I am calm&quot; &quot; I can cope with this&quot; and positive reinforcement like that.<br /> And a deep breath in and out probably helps at this point. Take time to stop and listen. Remind yourself I am calm, I can cope with this&quot; </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281079 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:09:14 +0000 buttons_37 281079@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><p><cite>buttons_37 <a href="//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281075&quot;">said</a>:</cite><br /> Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly &quot;normal&quot; until I started saying stuff to people like I&#39;m going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I&#39;m going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.</p> <p>I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn&#39;t know the truth if it kicked them in the face!</p> <p>And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song &quot;Born to Die&quot;.</p> <p>I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!</p> <p>But inside me was lots of negativity. I had negative thoughts in my head saying I wasn&#39;t good enough! Where can you find your self worth when nothing or no-one can convince you you are beautiul enough or intelligent enough to do. And worse than that you are bad, you are not a good girl. So wot! I can be as bad as I want to be! I can be the same as men! If they can do stuff and get away with it then so can I! thats equality! We can be bad like them!</p></blockquote> <p>But most of all I can see that my neediness - my weakness was caring what people thought of me and wanting their approval. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281075 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:54:23 +0000 buttons_37 281075@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly &quot;normal&quot; until I started saying stuff to people like I&#39;m going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I&#39;m going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.</p> <p>I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn&#39;t know the truth if it kicked them in the face!</p> <p>And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song &quot;Born to Die&quot;.</p> <p>I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!</p> <p>But inside me was lots of negativity. I had negative thoughts in my head saying I wasn&#39;t good enough! Where can you find your self worth when nothing or no-one can convince you you are beautiul enough or intelligent enough to do. And worse than that you are bad, you are not a good girl. So wot! I can be as bad as I want to be! I can be the same as men! If they can do stuff and get away with it then so can I! thats equality! We can be bad like them! </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-281071 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:08:05 +0000 buttons_37 281071@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly &quot;normal&quot; until I started saying stuff to people like I&#39;m going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I&#39;m going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.</p> <p>I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn&#39;t know the truth if it kicked them in the face!</p> <p>And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song &quot;Born to Die&quot;.</p> <p>I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha! </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280673 Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:28:43 +0000 nanny rabbits 280673@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><p><cite>Drac0 <a href="//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280663&quot;">said</a>:</cite></p> <p>thank you drac0 for your kind words and advice<br /> if you see my reply to lostforwords above you will read that i have had contact with my mental health team and will be having an assesment soon.<br /> i am feeling quite exhausted today and am sorry that i am unable to respond with more words at this time.<br /> i will try to watch the documentary in the future</p> <p>hugs of thanks x</p></blockquote> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280671 Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:12:10 +0000 nanny rabbits 280671@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><p><cite>lostforwords <a href="&quot;&quot;//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280655&quot;&quot;&quot;">said</a>:</cite></p> <p>thank you so much lostforwords for your kind reply<br /> i am not really in a talking mood today<br /> but i wanted to let you know that i really appreicate your words and that you took the time</p> <p>i will say though that i have recently had contact with my local mental health team, someone will be coming to assess me next month (at home as i also have agoraphobia). meanwhile they have been given a number to call should i need support while i am waiting.</p> <p>hugs of thanks x </p></blockquote> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280663 Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:22:21 +0000 Drac0 280663@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Welcome nanny rabbits. Likewise I am pretty new here but have a long association with mental illness within myself.</p> <p>Posting here seems to indicate that you are starting to admit to yourself you do have a problem that is very real. It took me a long time to admit anything was wrong with me &amp; seeking the help I desperately needed.</p> <p>It was actually a spur of the moment thing for me. Was waiting to see my GP on another matter when I broke down in tears reading a story in Readers Digest. I realised I really needed to talk to someone about what was going on &amp; being where I was it was a simple choice who to tell. It probably saved my life, or someone else&#39;s....</p> <p>I had a lot of times like you, mad spending, doing things we think are great at the time, millions of ideas, one after the other, flying through my head - how to change the world or make millions or anything at all.</p> <p>Talking to someone about it is a very important step - surprisingly I found it easiest to talk to other sufferers, people who had &#39;been there&#39; &amp; really understood what it&#39;s like. That works for me but you may find it different.</p> <p>But the correct medical treatment is vital. As lostforwords says, please see your GP if you can. A lot of the extremes can only be controlled by medication, which, sadly, can be a trial &amp; error effort over a long period to find what works for you. It took me over 10 years to get on what I use now &amp; seems to work well - I hope your journey won&#39;t be as long or traumatic.</p> <p>I do urge you to watch Stephen&#39;s documentary. I was very surprised when I saw it &amp; he treats the subject very well. You will probably be able to relate to a lot of what is said.</p> <p>Take care, we&#39;re here if you feel the need to talk. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280655 Sat, 21 Jan 2012 19:00:17 +0000 lostforwords 280655@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Hi nanny rabbits, glad you had the courage to write this down, I hope you get some answers soon. I would firstly suggest that you see your GP or local doctor as none of us here as the title of the forum thread says, are qualified to diagnose for you.<br /> All I can do is pass on information I have gathered from my research into bipolar. </p> <p>It seems that there are three types of &#39;episodes&#39; of bipolar (depressive, mixed and manic) under two headings (bipolar 1 and bipolar 2) and also the similar mood disorder Cyclothemia. I urge you to look into it deeper as I haven&#39;t the best memory for which one has which episodes associated with them.</p> <p>What it sounds like to me (an unqualified person)is that you are describing a mixed episode, where you have the low feelings of depression along with high energy levels and impulsiveness associated with the manic state.</p> <p>As you have also recently experienced the loss of someone close to you (I&#39;m very sorry to hear of your loss), you will probably also be greiving for them. This wont help the depression side of things so again if only for that I urge you to see your doctor about possible help they can provide to ease this.</p> <p>I hope you get the support you need to help you through this difficult time and there are some very good parts of this forum where you can find the support of people who are experiencing similar things to you.</p> <p>I hope I haven&#39;t overstepped any boundaries of the forum in what I have shared here as I am relitively new here too.</p> <p>Take care and I agree wholeheartedly about our wise, just and noble bear &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif&quot; title=&quot;:wink:&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/17#post-280641 Sat, 21 Jan 2012 15:21:44 +0000 nanny rabbits 280641@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>i have had mental illness for most of my life. to my knowledge this has not been clearly labelled but i have certainly heard the words depression, anxiety, hypomania, dissociation and post traumatic stress. despite having it and knowing other family members with it i&#39;ve always been a bit frightened of hearing about mental illness and have hidden from it. i also have (not always succesfully) always tried to hide my connection with it from others.<br /> this is the closest i have ever come to really enquiring about it and is perhaps sparked off by recently losing my dear, lovely, sweet and very brave cousin to bipolar. without meaning to offend i am a little concerned that writing about this on a public forum might be &#39;mad&#39; for me. however i am doing it and hope i will not come to regret it.<br /> i have found it both intersesting and moving reading your stories here (not all of them yet, just a few, though i will continue reading). i feel a lot of love and admiration for the you that have written them and thank you for sharing.<br /> i am presently experiencing an odd sort of depression where i am aso excitable and have recently been convinced about things that i know others would think quite barmy and where i took on a huge loan to pay off some debts that i&#39;d incrued due to over-spending only to spend that aswell (in less than an hour online) rather than pay off the debts, nightmare!. now i am in real trouble. the money was mainly spent on things that are neither useful to me nor wanted such as 333 bars of a brand of soap i don&#39;t like and 12 mixing bowls that i was certain were the tools with which i would save the planet (infact i am still a little attached to that idea).<br /> when i say odd sort of depression, i mean a low that is happening at the same time as being highly erratic, impulsive and energetic. although saying that, the high energy seems to be gradually dimishing and the dark-pit of despair, guilt, self-loathing and feelings of hopelessness are deepening since the news of my cousin. but they are both still there together and that is how it generally is with me. is this bipolar do you think. or is it something entirely different?</p> <p>i hope there are not too many typos here, i&#39;m dyslexic and am sadly not as eloquent as the rest of you guys. i seem to be bipolar? (or something) without the genious (either creative or intellectual) bit. sometimes though when i am &#39;high&#39; i think i am being incredibly creative. years ago i made more than 50 of the worlds most astonishing! dream-catchers in one night only to later discover that what i had actually produced was a pile of crap.</p> <p>warmest hugs to all you beautiful, couragous souls xxx</p> <p>p.s i have a confession. i haven&#39;t actually watched stephen&#39;s bipolar documentary. i want to (i think it can be viewed on youtube) but i am scared (silly me). however i have a great fondness for stephen since watching his television programme on the spectacled bears and thank him for the work he continues to do for as well as for his heroic quest to remove stigma from mental illness. in my imagination i often picture him as a bear in shining-armour. narnia has a wise, just and noble lion and we have a wise, just and noble bear. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/16#post-280347 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:09:00 +0000 Lumikuningatar 280347@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Urgh…</p> <p>Yesterday involved me for some reason lying about where I&#39;d come from to the ticket conductor on the train. It was so impulsive and I was out of it (rapid cycling and in quite a distressed state with an inner dialogue of ‘come on, it will be fun’ running constantly). I had not used my brain to work out the location I claimed to be coming from had barriers, so I was caught out! Luckily I just bought the ticket in the end but I was so ashamed. The ticket conductor looked at me as if I were a criminal, which I was, and I felt awful. I was quite teary eyed by the end of it and did end up having a long cry later. I had the money, I needed a return from the place I left anyway, so WHY? Of course by the evening I was completely manic so it seemed hilarious but today I’m feeling differently and definitely guilty.</p> <p>I’ve been noticing I’ve been straying in and out of this petty crime since my condition worsened. My &#39;criminality&#39; of 2011 was really quite... comical, actually. It started with the obsessive case of the Starbucks mugs. After a long, complicated, BORING story of buying medium sized Starbucks mugs I went to many branches, bought ‘large’ cup of coffee and ended up swapping the medium cups I’d bought for the larges. A businessman once watched me in amazement while I took a medium out of my bag and replaced the large with it. I’m sure it must have been blogged about. The second was much worst but still equally tame. I ended up feeling like a spy hiding from &#39;menacing&#39; monks on my way to tresspassing private property. I still feel the guilt for what I did with those particular ones because I planned them. I was manic but they weren’t entirely impulsive. I actually felt quite prideful of myself for a short period of time after but when I snapped out of it the shame and guilt came flooding in. What was I left with? Size ‘L’ Starbucks mugs and shame. Not worth it.</p> <p>I don’t know whether this is entirely to do with the illness, whether I am really a bad person, whether my moral code needs a good polish or I just need a smacked bottom, perhaps a bit of each. I guess it’s only recently I’ve recognized a lot of the time when I go chasing the words of the large, glamorous capitals ‘IT WILL BE FUN’ blocking out the tiny ‘no don’t!’, I’m actually auditory hallucinating. I’ve always thought it was just me impulsively thinking but everything that happened yesterday has proved to me it’s not as I was auditory hallucinating most of the day. I was very &#39;out of it&#39;. I’ll just need to stay clear otherwise it will get me into some proper trouble.</p> <p>Feeling so rubbish and guilty and I’ve spent the whole day with my thoughts telling me how horrible and worthless I am. Self-loathing here I come! I’m not diagnosed with BPD yet so feel free to think my miserable conduct just bad personality. Oh but I don’t want to be bad because well, I’m so bad at being bad! It’s like a kitten trying to be intimidating. It doesn’t really work. Ah I regret! I feel I&#39;ll even regret typing this up.</p> <p>Least I&#39;ve shared in case anyone else has done or seriously contemplated this sort of stuff. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/16#post-279717 Sun, 25 Dec 2011 00:01:49 +0000 romanee 279717@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>I have been having a mixed episode I think for quite a while now, feeling calmer since I&#39;ve come back to my Mothers for a rest. I did probably the most silliest thing I have ever done, I don&#39;t even really remember doing it, but 1am on Monday I jumped into the Spanish Arch river swam, and swam, drunken people had seen me, and obviously rang 999, in my mind I was going to swim till I exhausted myself, and died. A rescue team was sent, I spent the night in casulty, my mum was called. I had mild hypothermia. Mum managed to talk them out of sectioning me saying I&#39;d be better off at home with her, I&#39;m glad I at home with her. It&#39;s all abit vague what happened. Thought I would share </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/16#post-279409 Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:44:04 +0000 Zeravia 279409@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>I will not pretend to know what any of you is going through, just as i don&#39;t expect any one here to understand me, but i figure, i may as well share since others are.</p> <p>probably the single worst manic episode i had was approximately a year and a half ago, on the 4th of July 2010. My boyfriend, whom i love dearly more then life it&#39;s self, had to go and visit his mother for the holiday, he would have been back in less then a week, but did i wait? </p> <p>no.</p> <p>i atonce went online and got in touch with a B&amp;D couple. i had no idea at the time i was doing anything that would eventually ruin my life for good. {i don&#39;t see anyway out of the hole i am in now} I went and moved out of my aunts house stealing quite a few things to fund my trip and began a life as a slave. I was even tattooed with a bar-code and allowed this because i was so &#39;up&#39; i wanted anything to punish myself for what i thought was driving off my boyfriend, when in fact had not done anything of the like. i suppose this was my very first actual suicide. i knew what i was getting into, knew how it would end, but half way in, i panicked became depressed and when no one understood, i had an episode that lead to a car battery and jumper cables, though, i do not remember that whole day. {probably more then anyone needed to know... &gt;_&gt;; }</p> <p>I spent 6 months with Heather, in which time she went back to my aunts house and robed her of a fare few sentimental things of my mothers. my aunt disowned me after that.</p> <p>so, you can guess when i really got in trouble, my aunt and uncle turned their backs on me. I became homeless and eventually moved in with my boyfriend and his mother. still i did not understand anything and moved again to my fathers. </p> <p>I&#39;ve been relatively calm {countering those months before} since. but that entire time ruined what there was left of my pathetic life.</p> <p>Just thought i would share. </p> <p>._. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/16#post-279145 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 04:05:00 +0000 cannedheat 279145@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>I don&#39;t have time to read through all these posts. Nor will I ever. I don&#39;t feel comfortable talking to complete strangers straight off the back. You usually have to earn my trust. I posted a post in the general of this forum. Read that. You&#39;ll find out more about me. It was intended as a letter for Stephen Fry, but I can&#39;t find an email address anywhere. And the PM doesn&#39;t work.<br /> Anyway it&#39;s there. Read it if you want. Could care less if you don&#39;t. Thankyou for your time and your sincerity.</p> <p>&lt;3 </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mania-post-here-before-doing-something-stupid/page/16#post-275523 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:22:24 +0000 Vampyros 275523@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>POSTED - is that enough. tried to be clever then realised what a load of shite </p>