http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed Just another bbPress community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 12:42:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-285575 Wed, 11 Jul 2012 02:34:12 +0000 LewisRC 285575@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Unfortunately I have to disagree with you slater4353. </p> <p>Although the childcare system, and in particular the process of finding suitable foster parents, is a horrible prospect for any child, surely it is for the best? Rather than being intimidated into keeping a child that they feel they cannot care for, it is best to place the child in care, where a better life may await them?</p> <p>Of course, if you are not prepared for the tremendous responsibility that comes with raising a child, then yes, it is best to use contraception. However, there will be many cases where parents have grossly underestimated the task of raising a child, but it does not mean they are to be named and shamed.</p> <p>Naming and shaming a parent would achieve nothing. Although the cynical side of me thinks that many people would love the prospect of laughing at inadequate parents, you have to take into consideration the quality of life that the child will be given. Being put into care (the name speaks for itself), rather than being trapped with a clumsy parent, must surely be better? </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-276500 Sun, 18 Sep 2011 16:13:25 +0000 Astronomeradam 276500@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><p><cite>slater4353 <a href="//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-248155&quot;">said</a>:</cite><br /> If you dont want children wear protection! when you find yourself pregnant and dont want the gift of god &quot;An little baby&quot; and put them in the &quot;Care system&quot; YOU SHOULD BE NAMED AND SHAMED.</p></blockquote> <p>This is a rather silly thing to say. Dealing in absolutes is rarely a good idea to begin with. In addition, why is it always mothers? The last time I checked there were two people involved at conception. I&#39;d be interested to know if you have children, because I do and it is my experience that there is never a shortage of people wishing to bully, shame or judge parents. I don&#39;t understand the point of this post. What is naming and shaming meant to achieve? </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-275067 Fri, 12 Aug 2011 15:29:08 +0000 amyl_nitrate 275067@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>And who exactly is this naming and shaming supposed to be for the benefit for? Certainly not the child. I cannot see how it would benefit any child for their biological parents to be named and shamed. It seems a fruitless thing to consider, what would it achieve other than stigmatising someone who may have been in a difficult situation? Not everyone is destined to be a good parent. You don&#39;t know the underlying reasons for an individual or couple giving up their child. It&#39;s likely to be for a good reason. I don&#39;t think it is a decision that can be taken lightly. There may be one or two exceptions but it&#39;s not right to penalise all just because of the few. Similarly no one would make the decision to have an abortion lightly. No one wants children to be put in care or for fetuses to be aborted, they&#39;re not exactly fun laugh-a-minute things but they are necessary. It&#39;s important for the right to choose to be there. I think it&#39;s more irresponsible to have children for the sake of it without seriously considering why you want to have them in the first place and consider how you&#39;re going to care for them and raise them. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-258279 Tue, 21 Dec 2010 09:58:51 +0000 lovesome 258279@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>All individuals must have a discipline in they selves and if we got pregnant, we must responsible to continue and take care of it, because every babies are gift from God as an angel.</p> <p><a href="http://www.moderncollections.com/">affordable modern furniture</a> | <a href="http://www.moderncollections.com/modern-dining-chairs.html">modern dining chairs</a> </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-256573 Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:28:26 +0000 mesem 256573@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>that was the first 3 years. I&#39;m living in across the channel where all mothers seem to be solo mothers. The fathers seem to disappear and the state pays to house and feed the single parent families. Men are thus being told that they are not needed and are redundant. Women burn out having careers, bringing up kids and trying to stay beautiful. The guys just earn money and prance around and move back in with the women and their state funded house after the kids have grown up. There is very little involvement in volunteer work or social groups because everyone is too busy trying to HAVE EVERYthing while paying taxes to keep the military machine going./ </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-256569 Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:07:08 +0000 mesem 256569@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Having never met a responsible man I never let myself have children as I had not support system (family)and did not want to bring up a child in such an unbalanced situation. The most selfish thing is having children to gain umpteen benefits or assuming that they will be there to look after you later in life. Bringing up a child is a huge responsibility and I hate to see children being put into care at just a few months of age. It is not right, natural or saine. The world is to bizarre, children need to be with their mothers for the first years at least. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-249077 Wed, 29 Sep 2010 17:25:32 +0000 IdeaCollector 249077@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>stilletoencasedtwat...I didn&#39;t read you post at all as it was way to late for me to still be awake. Of course fathers are responsible as it takes two to tango. Also, in case my icon has thrown you, I am a woman. However, father&#39;s in many cases where the child is put up for adoption (not all but several) are long gone.</p> <p>I do think that men in general need to *erm* man up if you will. Too many of the old &quot;I&#39;ll sow my seed and let it fall where it may&quot; types who bugger off at the first sign of needing to be responsible.</p> <p>My point was that if a woman feels the need to put their baby into &quot;care&quot; as was said, she shouldn&#39;t ever be named and shamed. To me there is no shame in adopting out your child. Hope that clears up my point a bit. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-249055 Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:37:19 +0000 stilletoencasedtwat 249055@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>I would like to reply to both slater and idea collector.</p> <p>It seems that both of you have missed a critical point in my argument. WHY ARE&#39;NT EITHER OF YOU HOLDING THE FATHERS OF THESE CHILDREN ACCOUNTABLE?</p> <p>This is what makes it SO hard for women in today&#39;s world. People seem to see the event of birth control as a way to put all of the responsibility of parenting and everything that goes along with it in the mothers basket. It is a blatantly male chauvinist point of view.</p> <p>Like I said before life is not easy for a woman, how about instead of blaming everything on women or judging and blaming at all we all work together as a community to support and care for ourselves and one another. I do not understand the mentality of people who think that people can get along fine on their own. We all need each other to survive so how about a little solidarity, hec maybe even some enjoyment of the process while we&#39;re at it. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-249039 Wed, 29 Sep 2010 08:57:04 +0000 IdeaCollector 249039@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>I&#39;m going to go ahead and say I disagree. #1 No birth control is 100% effective all the time. Mistakes do happen. The only way to guarantee no pregnancy is abstinence (sorry to go Saturday Morning Special there).</p> <p>#2 I&#39;m pretty sure most women who give birth to a child and give it up are thinking they are giving the child a better future than living with them or than having the child aborted. Why shame women going through a rough time already.</p> <p>Sure there will always be some people who use it as an easy out but I&#39;d say those are in the minority. At least in my country, the irresponsible girls who end up pregnant usually go for abortions as it&#39;s quicker instead of putting up the child for adoption.</p> <p>I really don&#39;t think anyone who has or doesn&#39;t have a child for whatever reason or through whatever means should be named and shamed. Also tiny note....this thread belongs in the Zero room section. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-249031 Wed, 29 Sep 2010 07:33:29 +0000 stilletoencasedtwat 249031@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>Reply to slater,</p> <p>Life is a journey which takes many winding roads.The reality is it creeps up on you and in the end planning it is futile. If a mother really doesn&#39;t think she can handle having a baby and puts the child in care then that is the best place for the child as the mother clearly can&#39;t handle the situation. </p> <p>One of the things that I take great offence to ,being a single mother of 12 years myself, is the judgment in society towards women. Women really do have it rough. It is a lot tougher being a woman in the world than you might think. I started various parenting groups for young mothers because in the end women really only have one another,(if that at all). Show some solidarity, understanding and support for the women of the world instead of tearing them down at every turn, because in the end if we are to function as a community we can&#39;t put people down and push them to the outside. </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-248257 Wed, 22 Sep 2010 04:24:39 +0000 Staedtler 248257@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>And who will sort the good from the bad? </p> http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/mothers-who-put-their-kids-in-care-for-no-reason-should-be-named-and-shamed#post-248155 Tue, 21 Sep 2010 13:10:09 +0000 slater4353 248155@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <p>If you dont want children wear protection! when you find yourself pregnant and dont want the gift of god &quot;An little baby&quot; and put them in the &quot;Care system&quot; YOU SHOULD BE NAMED AND SHAMED. </p>