The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry

The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: Too Nice? http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice Just another bbPress community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:46:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php joan on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-286081 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 23:34:52 +0000 joan 286081@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Nowt wrong with being nice. one is even nice in Yorkshire - occasionally. Vinchy on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-284635 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 22:32:38 +0000 Vinchy 284635@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ You should not be less nice. To be nice - its normal. First of all because if somebody does something bad advisedly - everything will return to this man. If unintentionally - try to explain the man that it was unpleasant for you. You have to learn to do it: you can show it by mimicry, you can say about it, you can make it as a mirror - show the same unpleasant thing yourselves. Or find your own way to do this. And the main rule: "to be good for people" - its a fail. Do everything, listening to your heart. If you want to be bad for somebody - maybe, this person needs it and it will be useful for him. Certainly, you have to be tactful - but not because this person. We all have to be tactful and good only because we all have to respect ourselves, because if we don't do this - we can't respect other people. Think what is right - but "right" can be different. Try to be wise nejsen on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-284139 Thu, 10 May 2012 16:39:17 +0000 nejsen 284139@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I have a problem with being to nice. I am trying thou. But when ever i say something, that is said in joke, i always think "Oh, that bit there could sound like i wanted to hurt this person" and then i imidiatly apoligise. Even my friends say that i'm to nice, and that i apoligise all the time, they're even trying to teach me how to insult people. It's not that i don't know how to do it, it's just that i overthink it. Which i do with just about everything. And it gets quite frustrating cause it's hard, to get all those emotions you have, out if you don't know how to turn the ventil on. I am improving, talking to my closets about and trying to do with my friends. I don't want to sound like i think i'm an expert on this subject, but to anyone with same problem, one of the only and best advices i can give is; TALK ABOUT IT <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_exclaim.gif" title=":!:" class="bb_smilies" /> Please. Nitro on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-246433 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:19:24 +0000 Nitro 246433@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Your *real* friends will understand. Everyone else? Let 'em head down the road and don't call them back to you <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=";)" class="bb_smilies" /> amyl_nitrate on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-244279 Thu, 12 Aug 2010 15:58:42 +0000 amyl_nitrate 244279@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ You can still be nice and tell people you feel hurt or upset. It doesn't help anyone to keep things to yourself. You don't help you because you'll be stuck in an endless cycle of feeling hurt and you don't help your friends as they won't know how things are affecting you and if it ever got to a point where you have bottled it all up inside for so long that you explode...well it's better to tell people things sooner rather than later I think. Good friends are there for each other. If they are your friend you should be able to feel secure in confiding in them and then they may be able to support you better. yalom on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-240495 Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:04:06 +0000 yalom 240495@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Even best friends cannot read minds. You have already said that you hide your feelings from others when you are hurt in order to stay nice. You are both as needy as each other, but my guess is that neither of you are expressing it. A person becomes a best friend when you know they are safe to talk to. Support each other. LeJeunesse on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-240193 Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:32:57 +0000 LeJeunesse 240193@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ The thing is - I'll feel bad. One of my closest friends has quite strange parents and I've been making exceptions about it my whole life. "Its ok she cant come out, her parents are strict" and "Its fine she cant come to my party because I have to consider how her parents are" but I'm getting sick of the fact that she doesnt consider how it affects me. Like last year I went through a few months when I was really sad and I've been really happy again ever since but its sending me back again because she just doesnt consider how what she says makes me feel! Its like she doesnt even care and shes meant to because shes my best friend. But I dont want to tell her that because I know I'll feel bad for telling her and making her feel bad. <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> tito on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-240005 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 14:03:50 +0000 tito 240005@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Ditto to the aboves. <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_mrgreen.gif" title=":mrgreen:" class="bb_smilies" /> Mystic River on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-239981 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 05:46:05 +0000 Mystic River 239981@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ AnCBeck23 said "And if the person feels bad or doesn't like being called out on their bad behavior? Well, too bad for them! Maybe they will learn to be nicer next time!" Hi, you got your reply in just as I was writing but I agree with this point too. People definitely need to take responsibility for their bad behaviour! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> Mystic River on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-239979 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 05:40:33 +0000 Mystic River 239979@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Hello LeJeunesse - this is a "nice rant" I won't tell you how to be - because I don't like it when people tell me how to be, but I think you are just fine as you are. I am also "too nice" (surely there could be a comedy sketch - sounds like an illness!! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> ) - it's like a social stigma. I am sure that some of the really lonely and unhappy experiences I've had are because I am too nice, too forgiving, ethical, and able to understand and see more than meets the eye. I have decided to stay just as I am, since lots of people have lots of different advice on how to be less sensitive. What infuriates me is when I am ordered to grow a thick skin - yeah, so they can get away with being unpleasant?? I am sure I will grow up as I grow old - I am still a little late in noticing the holes in my back, but that isn't such a bad thing either - I can't explain it very well. I don't believe I am a doormat, although I was for a while. I have decided that "too nice/ or too sensitive" is part of who I am and it is ridiculous for me to try to be otherwise. I tried it in the classroom - (I was told to be meaner to the children! They spotted the incongruity immediately and the negative behaviour just escalated). I don't wish that people were lovely and kind, but I do believe that politeness and good manners aren't out of date just yet - and they don't cost anything. How very English of me! NICE PRIDE!! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_mrgreen.gif" title=":mrgreen:" class="bb_smilies" /> AC on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-239975 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 05:32:00 +0000 AC 239975@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Saying how you feel when someone says something that hurts you doesn't make you a less nice person. You don't have to be nasty or vengeful about it--just calmly tell the person that he/she has hurt you with what they said and why. Let them know that you don't have to (and won't!) put up with them insulting you. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I have had to do it quite a few times in my life, and it doesn't make you any less nice, but it does make you stronger. And if the person feels bad or doesn't like being called out on their bad behavior? Well, too bad for them! Maybe they will learn to be nicer next time! LeJeunesse on "Too Nice?" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/too-nice#post-239933 Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:10:49 +0000 LeJeunesse 239933@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Should I be less nice? Today I realised that being nice will end badly for me. I'm a good person, generally. I mean sure, I've lied, I've sworn and I'm not perfect or angelic but I'm always there for my friends and care a lot about whether what I say hurts people or not. Anyway, I was having a conversation today and something someone said annoyed and hurt me a bit but almost automatically I decided not to retaliate and not to tell them that it had hurt me. This is because I didn't want the person to feel bad. However, it made me think - if I spend my whole life being nice and letting things go so I don't hurt people, will it end up affecting me negatively? It has done before, I think. People think that because I'm a kind person and because I don't show that I'm annoyed or sad it or that it affects me that I'm not bothered when in fact I am. Last year it really got to me and I was really sad for quite a while because everything got to me at once. Should I be less nice? How on earth do you go about that? I wish everyone were lovely and kind; things would be so much better if everyone was nice <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" />