The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: Women and Sex

The New Adventures of Mr Stephen Fry » Topic: Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments Just another bbPress community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 13:36:21 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/search.php Nitro on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-268451 Thu, 07 Apr 2011 03:49:12 +0000 Nitro 268451@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Boring as always. dexter vandango on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-268383 Wed, 06 Apr 2011 10:36:08 +0000 dexter vandango 268383@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Obviously my piece was generalizing, meant to be humorous, and a recap of many men's moaning about our sex lives. Forgive me for believing it contains much bitter truth.. and truth based on abundant evidence. Nitro on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-265459 Sun, 20 Feb 2011 07:47:51 +0000 Nitro 265459@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Sexuality is not just a matter of Nature. It is, and has been proven relentlessy, that Nurture has a grea deal of impact on peoples perceptions not just of their own sex drives, but that of others. And your experience to how women to respond when watching porn is 180 degree difference from what I have seen. Some women hae low sex drives, and sometimes they can increase. This is true for men as well by the way. As for a desire to 'have sex with hundreds of women indeed', that thought repulses me on every level. Not to mention I'm not into women. But I still feel the same way and my 'drive' is quite normal and healthy. But I see sex as an act of intimate connection. I am connecting to a person, a human being, an individual. And many things come into play that matter to me that can make or break wether we ever go on to love making. The myth, so to speak, that isn't broken, because some men percieve a sense of social power in perptuating it, is that we are all just dieing for a chance to talk about sex with each other or think we are capable of sexing tons of lovers. The reality plays the real truth. It's far more typical for conversations I have with my buddies to have no mention of women whatsoever. World topics, politics, chores, some new interest tend to being the pervasive discussions at hand. Not which porn movie someone has seen lately!! "But some wives, if pressed, will admit that their husbands are sufficiently romantic, clean, gentle, helpful, understanding, imaginative, thin, but that his desire for more frequent sex is still unreasonable. In other words, these women claim that their own desire for sex once every 14 days or more, is the correct desire, while their husbands´ desires are excessive" this is the type of statement that perpetuates a myth that all wives are essentailly sexless and all husbands are in a state of continual begging. Nonsense! Have been in relationships myself, and having many close friends both straight and gay, it's just horse shit. The women I know, married or not, would find your descriptions laughable. They have very healthy, geared up sex drives and in fact, it is THEY who tend to wanting more sex and their husbands less. They confide all the details to me about his reasons ( tired, have some chore to do, want alone time to go fishing or pursue soem sport, just have to play that new video game, don't feel well ). IOW, people are people. Men are not 'always ready' or in a perpectual state of readiness anymore than women are. I kow one woman whose husband even told her that he'd rather she had affairs, so long as they didn't involve Love, so her sex drive could be satisfied. He just wanted to work, come home, and sit in front of the TV. Just that type. Sex was wayyyy down on his priority list over time and hers, probably due to it being frustrated a lot, became even more intense. And many women I know have or do watch porn. Believe you me, they ain't looking at the furniture! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> LirSwan on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-260485 Sun, 09 Jan 2011 17:59:28 +0000 LirSwan 260485@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Mmmm Ok ... 'it is rare indeed that we lose all interest in sex with our wives..' I feel, if you'll humour me for a moment, that this statement is so sweeping, it may as well grow a handle and call itself a broom. This has not been the case in my experience and I don't believe that I changed into something evil over the years. My lover would back me up there <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> My husband lost interest in me and in sex with anyone except with himself long before I drifted away from him. No, I don't agree with you on that point. Sorry, but my current life and that of several other women I know says otherwise. dexter vandango on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-257839 Sat, 18 Dec 2010 00:42:42 +0000 dexter vandango 257839@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ This should clear everything up.. Why All Men Love Porn Okay, I admit it. I exaggerated a bit with the title. Not all men love porno. There´s this guy in Lima, Peru who says he´s lost interest the last few months. But except for No-armed José, all us other guys love dirty movies. We simply adore them. Incomprehensible, isn´t it? On all other subjects related to men, you women readers, with your famous "intuition", claim to understand everything about us men and our pathetic biological urges. But on the subject of sleazy films you women always throw up your hands and pretend to be mystified. "How can you watch that disgusting junk?!?" you complain. "What´s wrong with you brutes?!?" you sneer. As always you ladies misunderstand and underestimate us. We men, being splendid fellows in possession of enormous warm hearts, love porno simply because we like seeing other people enjoying themselves. (My wise old grand-father used to say that the reason most of you women close your eyes when you´re making love, is because you hate to see your husbands having a good time!) Yes, we men love to see other men and women happily expressing themselves physically. Especially you women. To explain this generosity on our parts let me back-track a little here. Real life is often quite irritating for us men. In real life we have to screw up the courage to flirt with you women. We have to amuse you with our humour, impress you with our intelligence (or failing that, our success) so that you´ll accept a dinner invitation. And having gotten that far we know we still have quite a bit more performing to do, like some sort of circus poodle jumping through hoops, before we can get your knickers off. And once we do get you in bed we then have to risk our backs and our pride trying our best to perform like some sort of wild sex stallion from your imaginary Pony magazine. And all in order to give you pleasure! This last point is crucial. Never never forget this one essential fact: No man ever feels happy or proud of himself unless he can give his woman the pleasure she seeks in bed. And we never think only of our own pleasure! Even the most sadistic rapist, I am sure, longs only to be appreciated! Hard to believe, isn´t it, but true! No matter how much fun we men have had ourselves, no matter how awesome the orgasm we´ve experienced, the whole experience is a tragedy and a humiliation if the woman we´re with is left dis-appointed and frustrated. That´s why few men really enjoy sex once we get the chance to actually do it. When we´re actually doing it we´re too busy trying to remember what to do and what not to do, and when, and "is my deodorant dying on me right now?" and "why does she have to have such big hands? My joy stick looks like a lip stick in those huge mitts of her´s!" And what´s even worse, while all this is going on we´re also busy concentrating on images of Mrs. Thatcher in a bikini order to fight off premature ejaculation! Yup, that´s God´s great joke on us. The more beautiful the woman we´re with, the more excited we become and the faster we orgasm and the greater the humiliation. And if you women think we men all envy the fellow who is sleeping with Claudia Shiffer, you´re wrong. No way! We know the poor bastard is desperately thinking of Mrs. T the whole time he´s carefully pumping at Claudia! Yes, sad to say, the only real personal pleasure we men get out of sex is the 5 seconds between finally getting your clothes off and seeing that "Yes! It´s not a trick! She´s actually going to let me do it to her! Halleluiah!" But then the five seconds have passed and - Damn! Now that we´ve finally been given permission, we´ve got to do it right! And into the breech we nervously sally, stiff upper lip (and less stiff other parts), smiling bravely and thinking of England! That´s why we love porno. With porno we don´t have to watch some long drawn out Meryl Streep-horror story of some guy making a fool of himself writing cringing love letters, picking out the wrong flowers, spending tons of money in ridiculously expensive restaurants where the waiters treat the poor sap like he´s a leper - and all before he gets in bed with a woman who may neither be enthusiastic nor ultimately satisfied with him. In porno films the women are all wonderfully satisfied. (At this point I must admit I´ve never seen the more "advanced" forms of erotic films in which S&M occurs and women appear to be forced to do things against their wills. But knowing my fellow men like I do, I´m sure that even in these films the women stars all (pretend, of course, to) end up completely satisfied and grateful. Because if they weren´t satisfied and grateful there would be no happy ending! Yes, that´s all we men want. A happy ending. And to be of service. In this respect we´re all over-grown boy scouts. If an old lady needs help crossing the street.. at your service! If an attractive woman desires tender but thorough intimate massage.. at your service! But sadly, in real life you women tend to make this servicing difficult. Your genes, sensible little Nazis that they are, ensure that you must test us to see if we are sensitive, generous, patient, persistent, intelligent.. and most importantly - if we are strong enough to let you dominate us without running away. And admittedly, it wouldn´t be such an ordeal if we men had to go through this necessary but excruciating selection process once with every new woman. But you continue testing us as long as you know us! Every day you keep probing to see we´re still courteous, kind, clean, brave, honest and decent. In short, a boy scout! And a porno film simply shows us men the reward for passing all these strenuous tests. A happy woman. Yes, Sarah Young´s face may be all sticky in the end, but she always smiles with gratitude and satisfaction! (At this point, the average reader is probably thinking sex, sex , sex. I´m sick of hearing about it, reading about it, seeing it in every ad. Enough is enough! But have patience and allow me point out something that almost everyone keeps ignoring in the on-going Sex Wars debate, ignoring as if it were a sad little embarrassment that hurts too much to be dealt with honestly: A Good Sex Life is the Foundation to a Couple´s Happiness. Yes, we all know that sex is not the most important thing in the world. (Personally I can get just as much enjoyment out of Chinese food.) But when something is wrong with a couple´s sex life, nothing else can be truly right. There can be no true intimacy, honesty or generosity. And to go a bit deeper into what is obviously a wide-spread problem, let me point out one terrifying fact: Sex was never designed to be satisfying! Quite to the contrary. The only reason we keep doing it is the vain quest for doing it right! And it´s painfully obvious that we´re not doing it right often enough to keep ourselves happy. To better illustrate this point, one of the most revealing jokes that we men here in Denmark tell each other, is this one: "Because the average penis is 14 centimetres in length, and the average vagina is 16 centimetres in depth, there is 5,000 kilometres of unused fanny walking around!" Now we men all find this joke to be funny, but in a sad, ironical sort of way. Because we feel guilty. Because we know we haven´t been doing our jobs when it comes to satisfying you women sexually. And that we are failing to satisfy you, especially in long term relationships, is in no doubt. For one of the strangest media phenomenons of recent times has been the repeated stories in newspapers and magazines that we men have given up when it comes to satisfying you women, and that we have lost interest in sex. That we have given up trying may be partially correct, but that we have lost interest in sex is certainly a misunderstanding. For it is physically impossible for otherwise healthy men to ignore the prodding of our hormones. We are simply too strongly programed for that. But we men are becoming increasingly reluctant to humiliate ourselves in order to get sex, simply because there are now substitutes available. Once again I think of the heaven-sent benefits of porno video films. Quite obviously one of the reasons that more and more men and women live alone, is that more and more men are unwilling to live with unpleasant women just in order to have a sex life. Admittedly a porno film utilized as manual catharsis may be a poor substitute for the real thing, but it does help a man retain both his sanity and his dignity, and in this respect single men are relatively lucky. Woody Allen´s joke that "masturbation is sex with someone you love," may be funny, but what is not is that researchers tell us that married men tend to masturbate more than single men do! Yes, it´s my unfortunate married brothers that I have the most sympathy for. For without exaggeration, 98% of the married men I know are desperately trying to keep their marriages together, both for their children´s sake and for their own, despite the fact that they all say that their wives have more or less lost interest in having sex with them, and have left them with a life of frustration and humiliation. Now you women tend to respond to such a sad jeremiad in one of two ways. You either deny that it is true, with some kind of vague and absurd claims that married women in equal numbers are provided a starvation ration of sex by their husbands, and therefore such unhappiness is mutual.. so stop complaining! Or you say frustrated husbands deserve to be frustrated, and then your seemingly endless list is unrolled: lunk-headed hubby is not romantic enough, clean enough, gentle enough, helpful enough, imaginative enough, thin enough. In other words it is the poor sap´s fault and his alone. But some wives, if pressed, will admit that their husbands are sufficiently romantic, clean, gentle, helpful, understanding, imaginative, thin, but that his desire for more frequent sex is still unreasonable. In other words, these women claim that their own desire for sex once every 14 days or more, is the correct desire, while their husbands´ desires are excessive. And it is here that we come to the crux of the problem: Men and women are generally out of synch with each other sexually - and we are programmed from the start to be that way! To begin with, one of the main reasons we are out of synch with each other is that women are not governed by their hormones to strictly come into heat only periodically, as all other female mammals are. In other words men cannot tell by a mere sniff when a woman is sexually receptive, which means that we men must be primed and ready at all times for the opportunity to arise! And not only must we be primed and ready, we must be primed and ready with a fresh supply of sperm, for researchers now say that we men are programmed by our genes to get rid of old sperm through self-manipulation if necessary, so that we are always ready to make the best babies. And this constant hormonally induced readiness may add spice and excitement to our lives, but not a great deal of satisfaction. (So perhaps we´d all, men and women, be better off if we came into a sexual frenzy two weeks every July and mated hundreds of times with hundreds of partners, to the point of satiation and exhaustion, and then had the rest of the year to our-selves and to more dignified pursuits? Of course such a solution to our sexual problems would no doubt cause more problems than it would cure, but I don´t know about you but I´d be willing to try it. 50 weeks without a sexual thought.. what a heavenly relief!) Another way we men and women are out of sync with each other is in our conceptions of monogamy and promiscuity. Most of you women say that mono-gamy is preferable because it emphasizes loyalty. That monogamy protects our children better. But many of my married male friends complain bitterly that you women are nothing but sperm vampires. As soon as you have squeezed some children out of us your interest in sex with us dies, and can only be revived with a new man as our replacement. And absurd as it sounds, we men are more truly loyal than you women are. For no matter how much we men want to have sex with hundreds of other women, it is rare indeed that we lose all interest in sex with our wives (provided of course that she has not developed into a cruel personality.) In other words we men want our cake and want to eat it too, while you women want to hang on to your piece of cake long after you´ve lost interest in eating it.. but you don´t want anyone else to sample it, either.. until you´ve moved on to a new man. What a lovely form of monogamy! To you women´s advantage only! No, we men and women ought to be honest enough to admit that neither men nor women should be blamed for the ways we prefer to behave sexually, for nature has programmed us that way. But when morality is brought into the equation I believe that there is no doubt that we men have a more moral attitude: that everyone should be more sexually generous, flexible and forgiving. Sadly, for the most part you women´s attitude is still "Concentrate exclusively on me for as long as I´m interested in you.. Then you can live like a celibate until I can replace you." Is it any wonder that growing numbers of men prefer to live alone? One final piece of advice to any men who happen to be reading this article: Never watch a porno film with a woman. Don´t do it! Instead of getting inspired, as is intended, women spend the whole time complaining, "Look at that ugly sofa.. and those curtains! ..and did you see her nails? You brute! How can you watch such rubbish?!?" hope_athlete on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments/page/2#post-253501 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 20:43:53 +0000 hope_athlete 253501@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Never mind. Problem solved. Wilde Woman on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253247 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:50:01 +0000 Wilde Woman 253247@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><cite>SherryDee <a href=""//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253229""">said</a>:</cite> When one has a brain that works differently sometimes you say things that are meant as just a funny comment or throw away quip. However these words can sometimes hurt and cause distress without that ever being the intent. It's not done deliberately or out of spite and there is often very little meaning behind them just a quick flash of witty inspiration. When you do it you feel awful and vow to hold back and think before you speak next time. This is possible if you are in a situation where you know to be on your guard but when you are more relaxed you forget yourself and the words tumble out again. Then the recriminations and questions start all over. Why did you say that? What did that mean? That really upset so and so etc... It makes you want to just hold your head in your hands and give up being yourself. So what do you do? Do you shut up and never speak to anyone again, never try to be witty or amusing or just accept you have an amazing capacity to hack people off when you least mean to and try to ride the storm when it inevitably rises up again. It's hard when you often have a brain that whizzes along faster that you can keep control of it. </blockquote> By and large I let other worry about how they react as I have enough on my plate worrying about how I react. That said I always make a point of apologizing if I upset anyone, sometimes it's accepted, sometimes not. Forgiveness is a choice. If I was perfect I figure I'd be far more irritating than by making mistooks! To err is human but I strive to be devine! Loooong way to go on that though! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> SherryDee on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253229 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 14:14:21 +0000 SherryDee 253229@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ When one has a brain that works differently sometimes you say things that are meant as just a funny comment or throw away quip. However these words can sometimes hurt and cause distress without that ever being the intent. It's not done deliberately or out of spite and there is often very little meaning behind them just a quick flash of witty inspiration. When you do it you feel awful and vow to hold back and think before you speak next time. This is possible if you are in a situation where you know to be on your guard but when you are more relaxed you forget yourself and the words tumble out again. Then the recriminations and questions start all over. Why did you say that? What did that mean? That really upset so and so etc... It makes you want to just hold your head in your hands and give up being yourself. So what do you do? Do you shut up and never speak to anyone again, never try to be witty or amusing or just accept you have an amazing capacity to hack people off when you least mean to and try to ride the storm when it inevitably rises up again. It's hard when you often have a brain that whizzes along faster that you can keep control of it. Wilde Woman on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253157 Sun, 07 Nov 2010 19:42:35 +0000 Wilde Woman 253157@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I didn't say I was perfect either! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> All getting rather silly here. Just goes to show how easily anything and everything can be mis-interpreted. Soz Nitro if I interpreted things the wrong way! Er... friends? or a least reciprocal respect? <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_rolleyes.gif" title=":roll:" class="bb_smilies" /> Thanks for the clarification! Astrid on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253095 Sat, 06 Nov 2010 22:44:04 +0000 Astrid 253095@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ <blockquote><cite>michael <a href="//www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-252731"">said</a>:</cite> . . <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> </blockquote> Yes, I know. It is good that no one takes me too seriously <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_redface.gif" title=":oops:" class="bb_smilies" /> <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> Nitro on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-253065 Sat, 06 Nov 2010 19:03:53 +0000 Nitro 253065@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ wildewoman, what in the world are you talking about when you say I 'expect perfection of him'?? Please point out WHERE I wrote that in my reply to the blog. Can you? No, I don't think so. So, I really don't know where that's coming from. I simply wrote a response to the blog. It's not a critique of the mans character, but rather what was written. If you cannot deduce the important difference between the two, that's not something I can teach nor control. As for 'costs' for a public life...*sigh*...no one with an IQ at or above room temperature can say with any sincerity that I would actually believe, that they couldn't or didn't know that with such a life comes various 'costs'. Costs to privacy is the very first 'cost' of a public life. If one wishes to pursue that life, then one must accept the cost of it or not pursue it at all. If some uber-fans insist on a perfection, again, that is not something anyone can control. If some mentally unhinged person stalks a celebrity, that is, hopefully, something the police can control or assist with. But I doubt the vast *majority* of people who like Stephens work or career actually have expectations of perfection. And if they do, I'm not part of that majority and never will be. But claiming some sort of victimization for speaking through a public vehicle, wether that's TV or magazines or the internet, is somewhat of a contrived posture from my perspective. Exceptions taken are not with the persons humanity. I tried very hard to make that clear and if I failed, then I'm making it clear and known NOW. My response was far from trying to make the point of any 'simplistic idyllic painting' as you claim. My motivation had nothing to do with some Utopian ideal of celebrity. It was nothing more than a response to *my* reading of what was written. And, in my humble opinion, the focus of any response should be to that blog piece, not myself. You are replying to my reply, in other words, rather than the article Mr.Fry shared via his blog. And I am now replying to your reply to my reply LOL So, let's stop this pattern and maybe return focus to what Mr.Fry wrote? <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> Wilde Woman on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-252995 Sat, 06 Nov 2010 02:14:56 +0000 Wilde Woman 252995@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ Wow! Thought provoking stuff... but here a thought Nitro... why are you surprised that Stephen is fallible? Not being at all up to speed with what all the fuss has been about, as I've studiously avoided it, your posting has certainly been enlightening. Unfortunately, you'll never convince me of anyone not having hypocritical, contradictory behaviours and thoughts. Everyone does it with alarming regularity, myself included. It's how we learn and grow isn't it? You make some good points though, and IF (and I stress IF) he wants to learn or is in the right frame of mind to do so I expect he will. If not, nowt we can do about it. I think he is very confused, sometimes scared, sometimes in awe of women... what man isn't? Since when has it become so rare that Stephen is the only one left to display it? He is the product of centuries of patriachal conditioning, as much as anyone else and has a complex life besides. Why do you expect perfection from him? Why him? Ranting about how offensive things are has never been the best way to change fear and prejudice, or educate any group of people about how another section of society really is. Jew, blacks, Muslims, disability groups have all tried and so have women. We're in the 21st century now not the 19th, and I for one prefer to fight my corner by studying and using my intelligence and sensitivity to better effect than to resort to blatant criticism. I find it far more effective a method of persuasion that we're not all bad. We women, are not all good either, but then neither are men. As to the comments about Stephen's relationship with the media... well, as someone who works in the Arts myself I know that in order to become popular, successful and famous it's not often a fair two way street for those so loftily placed on pedestals - the cost to you as an individual can be very high indeed. Why else do you think so many celebrities end up in the Priory; becoming alcoholics, drug addicts, turn abusive and display all manner of self-centred behaviour? The expectations of fans/admirers can lead them not being able to trust or care about anything at all as 'normality' takes on a whole new meaning. The adulation can become an addictive drug, the ability to 'get away' can become nigh on impossible as they are supposedly duty bound to devote their entire life to whatever it is the public demands of them and all that it expects. They are to be forever 'responsible' in every word they utter and every deed they do. If they fart or belch in the wrong place at the wrong time then suddenly they can find themselves ridiculed and vilified. Is it fair to treat another human being like that? If they are lucky they have good agents and advisors to enable them to keep a balance, but not all are lucky. Even the lucky ones change as they adjust to the new lifestyle they find themselves in, and not all change in ways they are happy with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying 'have pity' on the poor celebrity, merely that it is not quite so simplistically idyllic as you paint it. The dynamic of the relationship between celebrity, media and followers is far more complex than you've suggested. Did no one else pick up on that when Princess Diana died? Or was I the only one? ysabella on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-252983 Fri, 05 Nov 2010 23:34:31 +0000 ysabella 252983@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ When I read the kerfuffle - I haven't gone and read the actual interview in Attitude or anything - I figured that the central idea came down to something like In a limited way, it appears that most women don't go cruising/cottaging therefore All women like sex less than all men The faulty logic there is obvious to me, and I've seen enough of Stephen's speech and debate to know it'd be even more obvious to him. I thought the blog entry seemed really dark and negative. It must suck immensely to have this kind of storm erupt out of nowhere. I hope that Stephen felt better after getting that written and the sunshine is coming back. Nitro on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-252917 Fri, 05 Nov 2010 16:32:39 +0000 Nitro 252917@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ "It is perhaps sad to think that they are as pathetically in the grip of a base and humiliating need to get their rocks off as men are, but if that is the case then that is the case and god knows I’m no expert on the subject and have no right either to confirm or deny the proposition" Why is it ‘sad’? Or ‘base’ or ‘humiliating’? It’s natural. Sex is natural. The drive for sex is natural. And normal. It’s not sad nor base nor humiliating except, perhaps, to someone in the grips of an actually sad Puritan hangover. Also, there is a video interview with you, it’s on YouTube and I suppose since I reference I should provide the link, but I’m pressed for time. Anyway, in it you plainly make the statement that ‘...women just don’t get it.’ and you were talking about the masucline need for sex. My point is this: Your own words indicate that you don’t believe women need or want sex as much and if you find yourself castigated to some extreme, look to your own statements. There may be validity in the response, and sometimes in the inference, that you may hold some patriarchal ideas in your lovely head about women and sex as any ill-informed or straight man with hangups of some sort might. Or do you think you are entirely immune from this or without your own bigotries? Wouldn’t it be better to simply admit that you find the idea of women wanting or enjoying sex somehow uncomftorable to your own inner ideal of womanhood? Many men do, straight or gay. The old ‘the vagina should be a one way street and that street points OUT.” ideal. That women should be angelic and pure and without ‘base’ desires. Much of that thinking is tied to ‘Mother’. If you really are no expert, as you again say, then why do you comment at all? Why do you entertain the ideas if you feel so hopelessly without reference? Why draw the comparison between women and straight or gay male sex drives? Why not leave women and what they want sexually out of your commentary? I think you want it both ways: You want to opine you’re no expert but be able to toss out ludicrous thoughts about the female sex drive and you also want to be able to do that without criticism coming back at you. Well, which is it? You can’t both climb out on the limb of ideas, knowing it’s creaky and potentially going to result in a fall, and then whine about the limb being creaky. Or blame the journalist for doing their jobs. You’ve been a public figure for decades and then continuously complain and rant and whine about the publicity you get if you find it’s not flattering. You even go on to presume this gentlemen ‘wish you ill’. Come ON Stephen!! You sound a bit like a spoiled toddler not getting his way. Your justifications and rationalizations for catching yourself up with your own words contrasted against the presumed world of mean, vile, ill-wishing journalists is really very much beneath your own ability to suss a thing out objectively. And also, I am guessing, beneath your true character. I know, even though I’m a kind of fan of yours, that I will catch heat for giving an honest opinion about any of your remarks and reaction. But maybe I’m not the kind of fan who looks at any talent blindly. I have been an avid reader of your blogs, but quite honestly of late, they have taken a tone of a near whine throughout the entirety of a thing you write. “For some reason they singled me out as the figure most responsible for it and before long I was Fry the anti-catholic, Fry the Pope-basher, Fry the atheistic hate-monger. Weird, worrying and barely sane.” Stephen, they singled you out because you ARE a public figure and one of more, perhaps, popular culture reference. Your name is more recognizable, as well as your face, to a greater populace. Common sense would indicate this to be true. But your statement, again, rings of an overly self-defensive posture. “Bloody luvvie, who does he think he is? Well, then, why publicise and bring my worthless opinions so sharply front and centre?” No, no, no. Wrong! Use the same logic on yourself: If YOU believe you’re so unimportant, then don’t comment on socially important issues such as the continued hostility of men towards women. Women are under continual attack on many levels and feel it very deeply. If you are so certain that’s a topic where you are out of your element, then don’t comment if your commentary, as you say, is so unimportant. And if you do, EXPECT that people are going to listen. I mean, WTF? How could you believe it would be any other way? But it gets even worse...here you are trying to COMPLETELY absolve yourself of ANY responsibility for the repurcussions of your own participation in ‘conversations’ or what you say before, during, or after an interview. “Well they are the ones who make me prevalent.” Who are you trying to kid? YOU pursue a public life. YOU are the first one in the process making yourself ‘prevalent’. Or are you being unwillingly forced by gunpoint into a public career such as film, TV, and authoring books? If so, you should call the police and let them know you have been a victim of this coersion for decades. Or whichever point you started pursuing acting as a career. “I soon enough slink back and before long it’s as if nothing happened. Clears the air. Does good on all sides.” And here it’s as if you are saying you hide from the fallout of your own words and actions. Wow. I don’t even know what to say to that. ‘Cowardice’ would be too strong a word and too unkind, which is nothing I mean towards you. But it slightly smacks of dropping a verbal bomb on a group of folks and then skittering out of the room before you hear any protests to what you have said. This portion of what I write is meant slightly tongue in cheek as I couldn’t resist a Freudian interlude. “...you can’t be trusted not to say something that will make you look a tit...” Not a twit, but a tit. Hmm...’tit’ is slang for the female breast and you use it in a negative conotation here. So, is the female breast a bad thing? You do have a reputation for avoiding them and being horrified by the idea of seeing them. You winced and seemed quite revolted when your actress freind on QI threatened to break them out once. So...maybe you DO have a pyschological problem of some kind with women and sex. {Dr.Freud exits, stage right} Finally, the sincerity of your blog ends rather insincerely, if not totally self-referential... “No one can say my life isn’t unpredictable, interesting and … well, Fryish…”. It makes one think you really could’ve cared less about anything you wrote. As someone spent the time to read it, I just want to say,”Thanks for that.”. You make it very apparant you value your time and your time is precious and your time is filled etc etc. Guess what? This is so for some of your fans as well. Wilde Woman on "Women and Sex - Stephen's Comments" http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/topic/women-and-sex-stephens-comments#post-252835 Fri, 05 Nov 2010 00:38:05 +0000 Wilde Woman 252835@http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/ I love this place! Like everyone, I'm anxious Stephen's ok too. I figure the best way for us to show our love and support is to let him be himself. After all that's what we all need the most. And yeah that means accepting people even when they do things that annoy us. If we wanna be forgiven when we do that, then don't we have to dish it out too? That's what turns like into love isn't it and big, deep, lasting, meaningful love at that. Big love everyone! <img src="http://www.stephenfry.com/bb-content/plugins//bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" />