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PeterMears


Member

Posted Mon Oct 20th, 2008 5:35pm Post subject: 4am scribblings to pass the time, what do you think?
Trevor had been busy in his shed restoring what survived amongst the remains of the old rusty and once glorious Maserati purchased at an auction, the project he hoped to have completed by now had been dogged by the commitments of a part time degree and the running of an unsuccessful engineering business quite almost ruined by debt. Sitting down at his dark thick legged antique desk he swiped the surface with a stroke of his hairy oil stained arm, the equations and notes for his thesis flew over the edge of the table coming to a rest randomly on the carpet. Switching the monitor on her began wiggling the mouse about to induce it away from its state of mild freeze before shifting his gaze from his monitor up the wall then along past the cuttings of Albert Einstein and Oscar Wilde. His eyes made their way across the room before stopping to peruse his reflection in the mirror. His face was in desperate need of a shave with shades of oil stain across his cheek. It was this mirror that since childhood had particularly allured him, a gift from his grandmother before she had died in a frantic boating race in morocco, it had sat upon the wall in granny’s London flat wearing its ostentatious unfitting Georgian gold frame with a dishevelled elegance. Granny had told him of its three hundred year age and that it once belonged to a magician and a wizard, he believed her despite lacking evidence and in school boy shorts he would peer in not out of narcissism but a bizarre fascination with the past. Imagining the generations of men, women and children having peered through its pane as time rolled by, wondering how life was or those characters long dead, how they perceived themselves and what stories it could tell. The screen loaded into action and his attention was stolen from the mirror to an image of a noted comic national treasure on an official website he so often frequented stalking for news of his famous ally. After a hard slog in the shed he had dismissed the work on the thesis for another day and set about prowling through forums on manic depression intrigued by stories he could relate to and entertained by those that seemed quite raving mad even from his position of apparent illness. The curtains where drawn shut and the room smelt of dust as it rose from the radiator for the first time since the end of winter many distant a month ago. Slowly the door opened and his mother walked in with a mug of tea, the mug was labelled NASA given to him by his uncle who was physicist at Joderal bank radio telescope. His mother stood with his tea, his eyes remained fixed upon the monitor as his chin rested on his palm, his elbow upon the desk. Asking him how his day had been she placed the mug besides the keyboard.
“quite average mother” he mumbled through his teeth, his eyes scanning the screen with little hope of ceasing . His mother Linda was a fiery woman with an often erratic temperament though in possession of the most charitable heart, she ruffled his hair before removing her hand on account of the grease and filth that had inhabited it whilst beneath the rusty bonnet of the old car. Trevor remained ever attentive to the monitor as his mother walked from the room wiping her hand on her jumper
“wash your hair dear” she advised before closing the door behind her with an unintentional thud.

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PeterMears


Member

Posted Mon Oct 20th, 2008 9:26pm Post subject: 4am scribblings to pass the time, what do you think?
dont be afraid to say its shit
P

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phymonarg


Member

Posted Sun Nov 16th, 2008 12:17am Post subject: 4am scribblings to pass the time, what do you think?
Hello.
My first post is just to say, it's somewhat overly descriptive. A bit like that pretentious Nabokov bloke.

I think that I shall never see, an elephant in a rhubarb tree. (S Milligan)

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Nitro


Member

Posted Sun Nov 16th, 2008 7:46am Post subject: 4am scribblings to pass the time, what do you think?
dont be afraid to say its shit
P

OK then, it's shit. X-D

No, no, I don't mean that. I was just seeing if I could overcome my own fear or not. And I can so....erm...

I don't know where your mind's at in those pre-dawn hours. It's possible to have great ideas at such times, but not have the physical stamina to convey them as well as one might like to which can be very frustrating. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it anyway though. Some impulses just can't be resisted.

The problem with being overly verbose or descriptive, imho, is that the sentence structure becomes sort of 'bloated' and for the reader, it can be like trudging through three feet of thigh-high mud in order to reach the end of a paragraph. I hope that makes sense and if it doesn't, don't be afraid to say so



X-D

Really? Wow.

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