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masquerade


Member

Posted Sun Dec 30th, 2007 8:49pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
The webpage is confusing me, how do you get to the video?

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Sun Dec 30th, 2007 8:53pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
The webpage is confusing me, how do you get to the video?

There should be a 3 letter code in the top right, enter it in the box, it counts down from 45 than click 'free download', close the advert and click 'save' and then it'll download

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masquerade


Member

Posted Sun Dec 30th, 2007 9:18pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
Aha, thanks Tom! -hugs-

And thanks + hugs to Mikal too, you rock.

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Mikal


Member

Posted Sun Dec 30th, 2007 9:34pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
You are most welcome.

As I said, the more people who watch it the better. I, personally, have just finished watching part 1 again. I'm just enthralled and highly impressed by it, and it never gets old no matter how much I watch it.

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Mon Dec 31st, 2007 6:15pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
Does anyone know how Lithium actually works and what affect it has? Is it a cerebral kind of affect, or is it more of a permanant tranquiliser? Take care all. xxxxxxx <3

Hi Tom.

You probably don't know me. I am bipolar and I studied for a DPhil (PhD) in Clinical Medicine at Oxford Uni, where I now work for the Bipolar Foundation, for whom Stephen Fry is the Special Ambassador.

If you want a copy of TSLOAMD then PM or email me your address and I will post you it on DVD. You can also see some of it on the Bipolar Foundation website, the link I'll put at the end.

How Lithium works is not well understood - something to do with the lithium ions interaction with Na+ and K+ in your neurone membranes. Or it maybe linked to glutamate in your brain. It is an antimanic and a mood stabiliser - i.e. it treats mania and depression, though particularly mania. It can be used for acute treatment (though it can take about a week to take effect, so often other drugs - antipsychotics are used temporarily as they have immediate effect). Lithium is also used for prophylaxis - basically if you are bipolar you will need to be on a prophylactic drug, probably for life, to minimise the number and/or harm your episodes have. That means regular blood testing.

Lithium is the only anti-suicide drug available. You are 9 times less likely to kill yourself if you are on it.

But I think the question you are really in need of an answer for is how will it effect you as a person - your personality and your creativity? I have the experience of knowing many people on lithium and I am on it myself. It is commonly thought of as a drug that turns people into zombies - but this is not true at all. In fact most bipolar sufferers (I'm bipolar I like you) actually are the most creative when they are euthymic (neither manic nor depressed). People think they are creative when manic, but actually they tend not to be - they just think everything is beautiful and wonderful because they are on a manic high. I've been on lithium for 6 years. My symptoms are weight gain and thirst - two of the most common, the other most common being shaking hands. Since I have been on it I have been my most creative, (I've written a book) and not at all sedated. Lithium is not sedating - other bipolar mood stabilisers/antipsychotics can be - take Mike on Olanzapine.

So what I am saying is try it. If you don't like it you can try something else - but it is very effective, the ONLY drug that is proven to protect against suicide, and all other drugs have side effects too. It may suit you well.

Regarding being tested for psychosis you can pretty much do that yourself. Have you seen colours/lights/shapes, heard voices, seen things that couldn't be there, have you believed things that in retrospect seem stupid (like someone is trying to poison you)...? I am a victim of psychosis myself - and if you are psychotic you will need an antipsychotic medication - but that is not necessarily for life. I have now come off them. (Until my next episode no doubt).

KSx

See our website: http://www.bipolar-foundation.org/

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Mon Dec 31st, 2007 9:23pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
katysara thanks so much for the advice. I've been to see my GP this afternoon and i'm having a psychiatric analysis on Wednesday to get a definitive diagnosis on my bipolarity. I've been told that i should consider taking lithium assuming nothing major comes up on Wednesday that can be treated through cognitive therapy, or isn't clearly linked to Obsessive Compulsive or Attention Orders (both of which appears to be grately affected by the rapid cycles although aren't directly attributed to them, and neither of which i have been treated for i just have the key symptons and also the genetic link as my my dad and my sister from my dads side both suffer from OCD).

Just to add anothr rant i've had a tough day, probably linked to spending New Year alone.. had a few bad hours this morning that lead me to sleep all afternoon prior to my doctors appoint, and even sit in the freezing cold garage for a couple of hours in the early morning in order to regain some feeling in my body.. probably a stupid thing to do, but it made sense at the time. Only positive i can take from it is i'm going to take doctors advice towards whatever they think's best in order to atleast get out of this dark place i'm in at the moment.

Incidently I watched the SLotMD documentary last night and found it deeply difficult to watch. Although I found some of the stories quite inspiring it did open my eyes as to how bad this can really be.

Hope you all have a Happy New Year - - Lets hope for a better 2008..!

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Tue Jan 1st, 2008 2:41pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
So am I to take it from that that you will try the lithium?

CBT is good, it helps - I have it too. But you will almost definitely find you only get a limited number of sessions, and you may have to wait anything up to 2 years to get to the top of the waiting list. What I am saying is pills will be available immediately, CBT probably wont. Plus, all the CBT in the world would not have helped me were I not properly medicated first.

Good luck with the psych.

KSx

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Wed Jan 2nd, 2008 1:30am Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
So am I to take it from that that you will try the lithium?

CBT is good, it helps - I have it too. But you will almost definitely find you only get a limited number of sessions, and you may have to wait anything up to 2 years to get to the top of the waiting list. What I am saying is pills will be available immediately, CBT probably wont. Plus, all the CBT in the world would not have helped me were I not properly medicated first.

Good luck with the psych.

KSx

I'm going to accept whatever medication they feel's best for me, providing it's down the mood stabiliser path because i feel that's what i'm probably going to need to atleast continue living my normal life for the short-term atleast.
I've got an appointment to see a CPN at mid-day tommorow so from there i should be having a psychiatrist assessment aranged to get an official diagnosis because at the moment i've been told of some level of Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Attention and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders the severity of which are effected by the rapid cycle of emotion.
The past few days i've been taking valium/diazepam to the point where it's been once or twice a day to try and calm the physical symptons of the situation i'm in, and i think the addiction rate is fairly quick so something will certainly need to be done. I will post again tommorow afternoon with what's happening, or possibly to rant if i feel it hasn't been approached so well lol.

Thanks again to you katysara, and indeed everyone who's posted, although cyberspace may only be a secondary form of communication it's been a great help to have people read what's happened to me, and help me feel like i'm not alone with my situation.

Something that has been troubling me this afternoon is how paranoid i have been during my periods of mania. I say paranoid but i'm not totally sure i know what it is... is it a dellusional type of thing, just being convinced that something isn't how it should be and it somehow affects your existance? And also is it a psychotic sympton? It's something i've had difficult discussing with people verbally because it feels contractictary and quite strange to discuss to another person how afraid you are of other people.. so i was wondering if this is a result of another illness, or something in itself that i will need to discuss. If someone could explain it to me i'd greatly appreciate it.

Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <3

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masquerade


Member

Posted Wed Jan 2nd, 2008 11:40am Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
From my limited knowledge of psychology, paranoia is a delusion and delusions are a symptom of psychosis, yes. It is not necessarily a result of another illness though; delusion appears to be fairly common in manic episodes of those with bipolarity.

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Wed Jan 2nd, 2008 2:32pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
just had a close to 2 hours conversation with my CPN in place of a psychiatric assessment, because of communication problems mainly which is iritating, but that'll be sorted in the next week.

i had a good rant about how i've been feeling and at last have managed to give a logical account of what i have been through mentally the past couple of months having been over it so many times, including the endless log i wrote at the start of this post... and in response i have been told in detail about OCD and ADD, both of which i seem to show very little evidence of when not in a manic state, so i won't be treated for either if i am find to have a more serious condition, which is almost certain at this stage. For the first time though i have had a definitive yes to evidence of psychosis from the extreme states of paranoya and dellusion i have had, and there is a link between the subsidence of that and my mood swings which have still been happening although not as constantly heavy. I've also been told from early indications of the type of person i am, and the experience i've had shows some form of bipolar condition. I was also told to take comfort in the fact this had died down so dramatically and so quickly, because a positive frame of mind will ease my stress and make the coming weeks alot easier while a suitable form of medication is sorted, because unfortunately i am still stuck on the anti-anxiety drug cipralex.. which i was convinced was having no effect, i may now possibly credit it to my more relaxed.. although still far from comfortable state.

Ontop of this i have been offered a number of free gym passes on the NHS, apparently because excercise helps relieve stress.. in an unfortunate coincidence the gym is at my old grammar school, where i don't have the best of memories so it's something i'm feeling unconfortable. Does anyone think this would genuinely help? or it's just more of a confidence thing...

Although i feel progress has stalled a little on the medication front, i do feel that within myself a great deal has been lifted and as the psychosis came as no suprise to me, i'm delighted that finally it has been acknowledged.

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Wed Jan 2nd, 2008 9:00pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
Grrr that makes me angry. Why no mood stabiliser? Why do we get forced to reach terrible states of mania, depression, or both, often getting admitted to hospital before someone takes us seriously???? My despair at the way patients can get treated is one reason I am sticking to research and writing...

I wouldn't worry too much about diazapam and its addictive qualities. It is addictive but that really doesn't matter if you need the med - and the addictiveness is highly exaggerated. I find I can take or leave diazepam, or lorazepam, or any other benzo. I was on some for years and stopped overnight with no symptoms whatsoever. (Not everyone will be so lucky though).

As for the gym - it can help. Some people really do feel a lot better. Personally I find gyms make me want to slit my wrists... but that's just me.

KSx

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Wed Jan 2nd, 2008 10:29pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
I think the CPN is beginning to see the seriousness of the situation but then she cannot prescribe me the medication, she can only recommend to my GP so she may well have done that but that's not the feeling i got. I suspect they're just a bit unwilling to make the decision because of my age, and there inability to diagnose me definitively yet. I'm glad to have a series of appointments with a psychiatrist in the coming weeks, i don't think it will help as such because the feelings still feel somewhat out of my control but it does look like some progress is being made on that front atleast.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <3

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Thu Jan 3rd, 2008 1:13pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
Your age shouldn't be an issue. You are 18, that is more than old enough to be diagnosed bipolar, and fortunately it also means you are considered old enough for any bipolar med available.

Use your cpn to back you up to your doctor. Ask her/him to write to your doctor because you feel you are not being taken seriously enough. Cpns have the advantage of being able to spend more time with you than any GP or Psychiatrist. So if she/he is a decent cpn (not all are by any means), and realises how serious things are, get them to back you up.

Hugs,
KSx

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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WhyGenTom


Member

Posted Sat Jan 5th, 2008 2:01pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
I think because my doctor didn't really know the kind of person i was before the manic episode, its been hard for them to judge.. she only saw me as extremely depressed or extremely iritable and edgey which i suppose makes it difficult for her to judge my character, and also she knows i've had a (controlled and relatively small) history of cannabis use.

Had a phone conversation with my CPN yesterday and am having another appointment on Wednesday, followed immediatly with a quick appointment with my GP to discuss medication, and to arange some form of mood stabeliser, or atleast sedative (my GP isnt likely to give me another load of diazepam, although if i had my way i would be taking it constantly because it seems to work wonders on physical symptons atleast) to help me sleep until i have the long overdue psychiatrist appointment. I wouldn't say my CPN's bad by any means, i think i've given so many mixed emotions to them, and it wasn't until i was able to explain the psychosis and other rather troubling parts of the experience that she's realised that it's clearly something more than anxiety, panic disorders or cyclomania (i think that's the term.. lol).

In the past 48 hours i've taken 2 valium (once at around 2am for the sake of a friend who was clearly worried about how hyper i was) and have found that i actually feel normal for the first time since the whole episode begun. It didn't seem to have the sedative, leaving me laid on the floor drooling into the carpet affect it did before.. it more seemed to relax me to the point i was thinking normally again and wasn't so iritable, and after it had worn off i found myself feeling okay apart from the extremely tired because i'm having to get my body clock around for monday, so i've been awake for longer than i care to count lol.

At this very moment i'm feeling the best i have for a couple of months, am sat here trying to stay awake listening to my music reading a set of song lyrics i wrote during my darkest moments to the tune of a pearl jam song, so i can actually see how much better i am right now, even if it's only a matter of time until this bubble bursts i feel like i've found a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, even if i'm not totally sure where this track's headed.

PS. forgive me for ranting on, my eyes glazed over and i couldn't stop myself from typing. You may have to insert you're own grammar... lol

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx <3

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Sat Jan 5th, 2008 9:15pm Post subject: 6 Years of Hell, 2 Months of Mental Torture...
Who hasn't used cannabis?

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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