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ArleneA


Member

Posted Sun Apr 1st, 2012 1:30pm Post subject: "A Futureless Future"

Oh my goodness, yes that is how my world felt whilst I was in the depths of the black side of Manic Depression. I couldn't bear to hear what someone was doing next week, next month. God I couldn't even focus on the next day.

I have just watched a clip of Stephen talking about many things actually, but the prominent one being that of the unbelievably debilitating depression that consumes you whilst you are experiencing a 'low phase' of this illness.

Thankyou, Stephen, for explaining it so very well. It was very emotional to watch that clip; and yes I don't mind admitting I was in tears. It brought back some of the pain I felt during this terrible time. For me it was the year 2009. Even if I see something that has this year printed on it, my stomach feels very anxious.

I have been told to perhaps open a Twitter account for my questions to Stephen. No. I am not a fan of Twitter. If I want to express my thanks etc. to Stephen Fry, I am perfectly entitled to do it here. I shall not be made to feel awkward in any way for conveying my thoughts and feelings. This is his official website. He has given me a lot of strength lately, made me feel less ashamed of having Manic Depression, and well frankly he deserves to be told. How else will he know how he has brought positivity to my life, and made me want to succeed even more as a writer? If you don't tell someone they will never know.

So, I shall continue to post here. Unless of course the moderator feels that I have perhaps crossed a line. Until then, my thoughts, feelings, anything else regarding Stephen Fry shall be written here. End of story:)

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Tue Apr 3rd, 2012 2:21am Post subject: "A Futureless Future"

I'm a bit confused by your post, are you saying that someone here has made that suggestion?

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Tue Apr 3rd, 2012 4:42pm Post subject: "A Futureless Future"

Yes it was suggested to me:( LOL, perhaps I took it too personally (probably). Anyhow, I don't want to seem a troublemaker or anything. I just want to be able to post my thoughts/feelings at the exact moment of how I felt:) I don't feel I am offending anyone.

I would never post anything unsavoury on here; no I would keep those thoughts to myself.

Writing on here de-stresses me:) I actually wonder what i did before I joined here lol......

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Wed May 16th, 2012 6:27am Post subject: "A Futureless Future"

I am very worried that depression wants to be my long lost friend again; and that yet again I fear I am looking at a "Futureless Future".

I haven't felt like this in a long time; and it is very worrying indeed. Recent events in my life have made me feel very sad. The sadness is continuing day after day after day. So is the overwhelming tiredness although I am exercising quite a bit every day; still I never sleep as long as what I have been doing.

I no longer feel "naturally" happy and I am having to force it and "pretend" to be happy. This is not good at all.

A good job I am seeing my consultant next week so I can inform him of my sharp decline.

Of course I could be mixing up these low feelings with "Heartbreak" it's hard to distinguish between the two of them. General sadness with a capital "S".

I do hope this low phase passes; yet something tells me it wants to stay for a while.

I hate depression. It is debilitating at it's best/worst.

I must get ready and pretend I'm fine, absolutely fine.

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Wed May 16th, 2012 1:17pm Post subject: "A Futureless Future"

Oh my goodness, I was low this morning. Amazing what a few hours and lots of exercise can do:) Feeling much better now. It's scary how quickly you can slip back though.

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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