STEPHEN FRY

Thank you, katysara, for your support, kind words and that very comprehensive list!

Take care of yourself,

Tim

Well done to the missus for this thread. I know you were a little worried about posting, I am really proud of you and thank you for always being there even in the darkest times,

I love you very much,
Thank you for making turning 40 fun.
Still Alive
Still in Love

Vx

Thanks - actually had a bit of cry tonight but Cath helped me out. Talked it out for a change. Mum and Dad keep using me as piggy in the middle.

Piggy is the appropriate word as it's all about how I look - like that matters at the moment.

Well like I said talked it out - now chilling with loud music on the headphones.

Take care KS - we are always here for you.
Vampyros
XXX

Thank You - Missed you all very much and your continued support is very very welcome.

Vx

Hi.

Shit, this is difficult. I've gotten to the point where, I suppose, this will be my equivalent of whispering down a well at midnight.

My fiance is bi-polar. I love her so much. In so many ways she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is the first person in my life that has ever truly cared for me for no other reason than that she genuinely wants to. Considering that we are in our 40's and it has taken this long to find one another, you can imagine what a rare gem I think she is.

I'm starting by praising the crap out of her so that it doesn't sound like I'm looking for the door (though who it is I'm trying to convince of that is still unclear to me) because what comes next is probably going to sound just like that.

You see, Her condition is pretty bad. To be fair, the fact that she has fibro, epilepsy, and spinal damage (the nasty mixture of an enraged ex-husband and a baseball-bat) probably makes the whole mess ten times worse for her. She has to take a ridiculous number of pills, four times a day, every day. To make matters worse, a while back, she was attacked by a neighbor. He tried to strangle her. I tried very hard to protect her. Too hard. I nearly killed the guy. The only witnesses to the incident only saw the part where I came in and not the initial attack. I suppose that the police really can't be blamed to harshly. A guy lying in the snow bleeding to death, two people next door screaming "they did it", me with only a few bruises, and her physically, relatively unscathed, cowering in a corner and screaming. Look at it like that, yeah, they arrested us.

The past 2 years have been hellish for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it's done to her mentally. However, it has made things worse. The periods of sleep deprivation have become longer. When she does finally crash, she actually fights it (though she refuses to admit it). I'll find her unconscious, face down, in bed, on the coffee table, in the kitchen, on the toilet, (G-d help me) in the cat's litter box, sometimes with a cigarette still in her mouth. When I try to rouse her or just get her into bed, she's in this half waking state, where she will deny that she's tired or passing out and then begin too berate me for trying to control her life, in a very vehement and vulgar manner. At some point she'll finally sleep for a whole day or so, and when she wakes up is her wonderful self, but can't remember anything of the past 2-6 days.

There's more. Right now though, I feel wrenched enough. I'll probably vent some more later.

Katysara

Sadly, the last shrink she was seeing was only interested in our legal issues. Wasn't really interested in talking to her. It is actually quite difficult for her in that respect. Her GP has scaled back his practice to secialise only in chronic pain and so only deals with her fibro and spinal issues. She's tried several others and they all refuse to handle her. She keeps being told to go to walk-in clinics. So she can't even get refered to a shrink until she has a GP and no GP will touch her. I don't know how things work in the UK, but Canada is a little different.

Oh no, she is still on BP meds (among others). Her (now) rheumatologist (sp?) did try to refer her to one psychiatrist but his waiting list ended up being over a year long. Walk-ins generally will refer you to CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) which is little more than a glorified asylum. The former GP is still prescribing all her meds for time being but because of the draconian pot laws in the Great White North (at least it is "legal" here so I shouldn't complain too much), he is under constant scrutiny by the Ministry of Health and so is urging her to find a GP to deal with all her other meds so that he only supplies her with pain med Rx.

The other massive difficulty is that our assault trial is still pending , so we have to tread ever so carefully about her mental condition as the prosecution could use it as ammunition.

Oh joy. Oh bliss.