Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

Boog


Member

Posted Sat Mar 20th, 2010 11:05pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

LISTEN TO ME!

Opinions slam out of you
like a jackhammer
against
a child's temple.

Hardened crust
of clotted desire.

Tight, knotted little fists
punch away the tears
running down
an old face
and all you have left
is screaming.

"Murphy was an optimist."

Back to top

Theahatthe


Member

Posted Wed Mar 24th, 2010 8:13pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

I am not usually as fond of non-rhyming poetry, but this is incredibly vivid, with great economy of expression. Thank you for sharing. I particularly like the line 'hardened crust of clotted desire' - it brought up a very clear image, and is a great way to describe the feeling of unending longing.


Back to top

Boog


Member

Posted Wed Mar 24th, 2010 11:50pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

Theahatthe said:
I am not usually as fond of non-rhyming poetry, but this is incredibly vivid, with great economy of expression. Thank you for sharing. I particularly like the line 'hardened crust of clotted desire' - it brought up a very clear image, and is a great way to describe the feeling of unending longing.

Thanks very much Theahatthe, for your very kind review. In a past life I was a tech writer, so "economy of expression" is something I always go for.

"Murphy was an optimist."

Back to top

oliverpothecary


Member

Posted Wed Mar 24th, 2010 11:55pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

I like it.

www.oliverpothecary.wordpress.com

Back to top

tito


Member *

Posted Thu Mar 25th, 2010 8:51pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

oliverpothecary said:
I like it.

Ditto


Back to top

Boog


Member

Posted Fri Mar 26th, 2010 5:17pm Post subject: A poem (LISTEN TO ME!)

Thanks guys!

"Murphy was an optimist."

Back to top