Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

harley_queen


Member

Posted Wed Mar 21st, 2007 2:03pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
how much can people put up with? i recently moved into a house with two of my best friends, who were both aware of my depression and general oddness. two weeks ago, after work, i burst into tears and went straight to bed, i stayed in bed all of saturday, so depressed for no reason at all, my friend and his boyfriend tried to cheer me up by taking me to the pub, but when i was still upset they walked out and left me crying there. the week after this, i had never been so depressed, i overdosed and had to go to the hospital.
although i have returned to work this week, i still feel so down and keep crying, my friends cannot be bothered with me anymore, i feel like i've pushed them past the point of caring and i really really don't know what to do now, i feel so completely alone, should i apoligise because i really dont know what ive done wrong? when i was diagonosed about a year ago, they said they'd always be there for me but now they couldn't care less. i really really don't know what to do

Back to top

Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Wed Mar 21st, 2007 3:03pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
Firstly Harley-Queen, *HUGE BIG HUG* It is so sad to hear you are not in a good place right now. I hope you find your feet and use rock-bottom as a kickboard to getting your head above the water again.

In relation to your friends and the situation:
How much do your friends know about what you have? I ask this because I live at home with my family and even though they are now starting to tolerate me, they used to react as if I was a bad person who was malicous and basically a bitch. I kept thinking "but why cant they see the pain im in?". Eventually, I cracked and confronted them about it and they told me they didnt know what was going on.... My parents are social workers who work with people on rockbottom. yet they didnt see in me or understand that I was going through depression.
Now if my parents who know what depression entails cant see or understand it at face value in their own home, Id find it hard for people like your friends to just understand it. do you get me? They may not actually understand any of it at all.
Id ask them to set aside an afternoon or a day were you 3 can sit down and talk... It is up to you how much or how little you say but you should raise it with them. Even clarify if they know what the effects have on a you.

I wish you the best of luck hun,
Sarah x

Back to top

panda


Member

Posted Wed Mar 21st, 2007 5:01pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
Hi harley-queen,
Sorry to hear you're feeling rotten... i guess its always difficult living with people at first as well. i lived with one of my best friends when i was at university. i went through a big thing of depression, but i found her useless! and our friendship has never really recovered! sorry, don't know what the point of that was. well, that it can be hard living with people. and difficult with friends (i actually got on better with her friend who we were also living with, who i didn't know properly before, and still do now.), and that people often don't understand.
i often find my friends and parents don't really understand. even though i feel like i have explained things a bit. i guess it just takes more explaining. and even if they understand, they still might not know what to do!! i guess, we have to be assertive (or clear) about what we want from people. because they don't know! its hard when we don't know really either. its a shame, cos when you are ill with other things, like a cold or flu, people are usually better at knowing what to do. perhaps because its far more common, and certainly a lot less taboo.
anyway, personally i probably would apologise. not that you've necessarily done anything wrong. but perhaps they would appreciate it. maybe they feel a bit helpless? like they made an effort - taking you to the pub - but then didn't know what else to do.
do you have any idea what would help? maybe something like getting a counsellor. you could ask them for practical help like helping to get you a counsellor? just an idea. anyway, glad you posted, even though you aren't feeling great.
hope you start to feel a bit better soon.
panda

Back to top

Fourth Feline


Member

Posted Fri Mar 23rd, 2007 6:19pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
Hello and welcome Harley Queen,

Please know that you are not alone in this predicament. The lack of 'qualities' lies on the part of your "friends" - not yours.

I went through the stage you described about 24 years ago. When I had been entertaining and/or worth of downloading for something, I was invited to every party and accepted widely. At that time nearly 98% + of my so called friends ran a mile once I had nothing to feed off of and became ill.

Thankfully 24 years later, Bipolar II has continued to separate the wheat from the chaff; the emotionally deeper and faithful friends from the parasites.
So whilst I feel empathy and sadness for your current plight, please see this as a refining process that will help select and enrich the quality friendships of your later years.

Meanwhile, please stay alive, look after yourself and be prepared to let go of the w***ers as and when you feel strong enough.

I am sure that all on this forum would join me in sending your our love and best wishes at this difficult time.

Derek.

Back to top

meekychuppet


Member

Posted Fri Mar 23rd, 2007 6:32pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
I'm sure I'll be castigated but I don't think any of us has any business leaning on friends who either aren't "will help you move a dead body" type friends or friends who are fully primed. The ask is just too great.

Back to top

Kit Ellis


Member

Posted Tue Mar 27th, 2007 6:59pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
(POST DELETED)

Back to top

harley_queen


Member

Posted Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 2:49pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
hey, thanks for all the replies
i feel so much better since ive realised that people are selfish, thats not a bad thing because if your not in love with someone you will always put yourself first, at least they were being honest. theyre not great friends, theyre just people who've shared experiences with me and who i used to have some degree of closeness with, they're just other people, everyone has a plan a life and i'm not a part of theres. they were a part of mine, my friends were my whole life, but thats wrong and i am trying to be content by myself, find my own plan and just speaking to these other people if i happen to pass them.. i know im being dramatic, it's just life, i dont like it but no one can change it so adjusting is the only way forward to end on a positive note!
x

Back to top

Fourth Feline


Member

Posted Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 2:59pm Post subject: about friends.. advice please
Hello again Harley Queen,

I think you have summed it up very well there. Now you have had the courage to embrace what I believe to be a truer perspective, please rest assured that other more sincere people will be added to your life.

As you observed, you do not have to 'throw away' the people you used to associate with, merely realise that those friendships had notable limitations.

we outgrow people and in becoming anew find more appropriate travelling companions. There is better to come, especially in the quality of people you will eventually attract.

My outlook may sound idealistic, but I have never had to ask for help or better friends, they have come forward to help or be a friend without prompting or having to be leant on by me. Being the type who would volunteer that type of help or friendship myself, it just seemed natural, albeit gratefully received.



All the best for a brighter future,

Derek x

Back to top