STEPHEN FRY

LOL, I like that idea!

I think we should totally have a 'May She Eat My Bun' thread, too. Frazzy's interpretation of it as a curse is priceless.

'May she eat my bun and rot in hell!' LMAO

Lol, that 'waking up' moment is a perilous one! Once before I jerked so suddenly out of a dream that I fell out of bed and got wedged between the side of the bed and the bedside table, mwehehe. Fortunately I landed face-down on a postcard of Seven of Nine from Star Trek:Voyager, so I snogged that and then unwedged myself.

I had an alarming morning yesterday - I had to go to a bridesmaid's dress fitting. My sister remains in complete wilful denial about my transgenderism. If I don't 'bridesmaid it up' in August, we shall forever be estranged. It's maroon. I'm going to have to wear a padded bra. I shall be TRAUMATISED!!

I'm also alarmed by the fact that I just spent an hour and twenty minutes trying to order a softskin prosthetic penis from a naughty website only to be told that they don't deliver to my country. It took me a lot of self-steeling and soul-searching to bring myself to even attempt to order a prosthetic penis in the first place. There were three options to choose from. 'Soft,' 'Medium' and 'Firm.'. How was I supposed to choose? How firm is firm? How firm do I want it to be? Should it be perpetually firm? Also, the 'soft,' 'medium' and 'firm' categories were all different colours. Does that happen with real penises? I've never seen one. The balls were apparently three-dimensional. How is this a bonus? Surely that would be a given. Why would it ever occur to anyone to manufacture a replica penis with two-dimensional testicles? Also, there were three lengths to choose from. The 'small' length was five inches. I'm no expert, but that seems a bit long. Am I going to look like a man, or like an insane exhibitionist pervert, with five a minimum of five inches of firm softskin in my underwear? All these things I fretted over for hours and finally managed to find the mental resolve to order the bloody thing (extra small, medium - a sort of washed-out beige tone). I enter all of my bank and address details and even sign up for an account on this site - I am now a Basic Member of a sex toy website. I get points and everything. 'Love Muffin' points or something, I think they call them. Will I ever use, wear out and have to replace enough prosthetic penises that I amass enough Love Muffin points to get a free pair or leather knickers or candy string thong or pair of titanium nipple clamps? Do I even want these things? I think not. And I get told they don't even deliver to my country!

I am officially alarmed.

May they EAT MY BUN!

I once woke up in complete darkness with a huge spider on my foot, tried to shake it off onto the floor, but was disoriented and instead shook my foot into the wall, breaking my toe.. the upside was that I completely forgot to panic about where the spider had gone..

I would not wear a bridesmaids dress for anyone.(But would wear leather knickers.)
I got invited to a 'hens night' once, that was alarming... and it was happening at the house I lived in.. I hid in my room, and the dog sat on my lap growling fiercely whenever anyone came near my door.. such a good dog.
Penises do somewhat change in colour yes,.. as do labia.. I've never thought to measure a penis though.

Waking up to discover that someone has replaced the kettle with some sort of... futuristic..... device... is quite alarming.

My door buzzer is alarming. My entire flat is only about six square feet in area, but the door buzzer could wake a dead, drunk, anaesthetised narcoleptic buried in a ten-foot grave three hundred miles away.

Every time someone presses it (often accidentally, at three in the morning), I jump out of my F-ing SKIN. Then, of course, my skin is empty for any random passing vagrant to jump into and run around like a madman until I chase him down and get it back

I'm waiting for my shopping to arrive from Tesco's now, and I tell you, I'm on edge. I know it's coming, that door buzzer, but still, when it happens, I'll spring three feet in the air vertically from my chair and shriek, 'Chriiiiiiist!' I always do, no matter how well I prepare myself for it.

What is the POINT?!

Wow I thought clocks were only this evil at other people's houses... I totally agree, and that's why I have a dgital clock

My stomach is alarming. I did some Hochreck (high-horizontal bar) gymnastics last tuesday (not yesterday) and I can still feel that in my stomach muscles when I get up or... well, use them. It's gotten a lot better in the last few days, though. Before that, I was very alarmed at having sore muscles for so long! I guess I'm just not as fit as I used to be, which, in itself, is quite alarming.

Delta Blues A levee is just a barrier which runs parallel to whatever the water source is. The western part of Mississippi, the Delta, is situated between 2 big rivers and floods often, like it's neighbor Louisiana. New Orleans has hundreds of them.