Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

michael


Member

Posted Mon Apr 16th, 2012 8:49pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Clive said:

Things I Can Do Better Than Hugh Laurie

1. Menstruate.

lol!

Maybe we should make this an independent, and regularly posted to, thread titled "things we can do better than hugh laurie"

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

Back to top

Clive


Member

Posted Tue Apr 17th, 2012 11:27am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

LOL, I like that idea!

I think we should totally have a 'May She Eat My Bun' thread, too. Frazzy's interpretation of it as a curse is priceless.

'May she eat my bun and rot in hell!' LMAO

'Vote for E.L. Wisty, or invisible nudists will come along and smash you round the face.'

(E.L. Wisty)

My Attempt at Tumbling

Twitter: @CliveLive49

Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Tue Apr 17th, 2012 11:49pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

It is alarming that I can kick myself in the hand and cut myself with my toenail, a mere 10 seconds after waking up.
I don't know what happened.


Back to top

Clive


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2012 12:29am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Lol, that 'waking up' moment is a perilous one! Once before I jerked so suddenly out of a dream that I fell out of bed and got wedged between the side of the bed and the bedside table, mwehehe. Fortunately I landed face-down on a postcard of Seven of Nine from Star Trek:Voyager, so I snogged that and then unwedged myself.

I had an alarming morning yesterday - I had to go to a bridesmaid's dress fitting. My sister remains in complete wilful denial about my transgenderism. If I don't 'bridesmaid it up' in August, we shall forever be estranged. It's maroon. I'm going to have to wear a padded bra. I shall be TRAUMATISED!!

I'm also alarmed by the fact that I just spent an hour and twenty minutes trying to order a softskin prosthetic penis from a naughty website only to be told that they don't deliver to my country. It took me a lot of self-steeling and soul-searching to bring myself to even attempt to order a prosthetic penis in the first place. There were three options to choose from. 'Soft,' 'Medium' and 'Firm.'. How was I supposed to choose? How firm is firm? How firm do I want it to be? Should it be perpetually firm? Also, the 'soft,' 'medium' and 'firm' categories were all different colours. Does that happen with real penises? I've never seen one. The balls were apparently three-dimensional. How is this a bonus? Surely that would be a given. Why would it ever occur to anyone to manufacture a replica penis with two-dimensional testicles? Also, there were three lengths to choose from. The 'small' length was five inches. I'm no expert, but that seems a bit long. Am I going to look like a man, or like an insane exhibitionist pervert, with five a minimum of five inches of firm softskin in my underwear? All these things I fretted over for hours and finally managed to find the mental resolve to order the bloody thing (extra small, medium - a sort of washed-out beige tone). I enter all of my bank and address details and even sign up for an account on this site - I am now a Basic Member of a sex toy website. I get points and everything. 'Love Muffin' points or something, I think they call them. Will I ever use, wear out and have to replace enough prosthetic penises that I amass enough Love Muffin points to get a free pair or leather knickers or candy string thong or pair of titanium nipple clamps? Do I even want these things? I think not. And I get told they don't even deliver to my country!

I am officially alarmed.

May they EAT MY BUN!

'Vote for E.L. Wisty, or invisible nudists will come along and smash you round the face.'

(E.L. Wisty)

My Attempt at Tumbling

Twitter: @CliveLive49

Back to top

joan


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2012 10:36am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

A very alarming thing was being mother of the groom on Saturday. Well, James (our eldest lad) and Dianne got married on Saturday the 21st of April. It all went really well, and right now they are having a great honeymoon at Montville, Maleny, Qld. Anyway, a sneak peek at their wedding photos can be accessed at:

http://www.vivacityphotography.com.au
Blog page (bottom option LHS)
Dianne and James Wedding sneak peek.

Anyway, on the group photo, third row middle, Terry and I are on the RHS behind the bridesmaid in the blue dress. I'm wearing maroon and Terry has a red bow tie. David, our other son is on the black and white photo bottom middle next to James.

Hope it works

Love to everyone

Joan


Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2012 12:24pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

I once woke up in complete darkness with a huge spider on my foot, tried to shake it off onto the floor, but was disoriented and instead shook my foot into the wall, breaking my toe.. the upside was that I completely forgot to panic about where the spider had gone..

I would not wear a bridesmaids dress for anyone.(But would wear leather knickers.)
I got invited to a 'hens night' once, that was alarming... and it was happening at the house I lived in.. I hid in my room, and the dog sat on my lap growling fiercely whenever anyone came near my door.. such a good dog.
Penises do somewhat change in colour yes,.. as do labia.. I've never thought to measure a penis though.


Back to top

joan


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2012 2:48am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Oh, about my previous post - I just noticed that the photos have been swapped around a little on that site.

Anyway, that place where they got married is called Riverglen: it is a purpose built function and wedding venue. it was on the banks of the Brisbane River at Indooroopilly where the ceremony took place and the photos are set.

Here's where they are on their honeymoon. It is about an hour and a bit drive from where they live, near Maleny, a very pretty area,

http://www.treetopseaview.com.au/


Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Thu Apr 26th, 2012 9:59pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Waking up to discover that someone has replaced the kettle with some sort of... futuristic..... device... is quite alarming.


Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Sat Apr 28th, 2012 11:52am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Accidentally dressing entirely in bright fucking yellow is alarming. One should look at their clothes before putting them on..


Back to top

Clive


Member

Posted Mon May 14th, 2012 1:24pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

My door buzzer is alarming. My entire flat is only about six square feet in area, but the door buzzer could wake a dead, drunk, anaesthetised narcoleptic buried in a ten-foot grave three hundred miles away.

Every time someone presses it (often accidentally, at three in the morning), I jump out of my F-ing SKIN. Then, of course, my skin is empty for any random passing vagrant to jump into and run around like a madman until I chase him down and get it back

I'm waiting for my shopping to arrive from Tesco's now, and I tell you, I'm on edge. I know it's coming, that door buzzer, but still, when it happens, I'll spring three feet in the air vertically from my chair and shriek, 'Chriiiiiiist!' I always do, no matter how well I prepare myself for it.

What is the POINT?!

'Vote for E.L. Wisty, or invisible nudists will come along and smash you round the face.'

(E.L. Wisty)

My Attempt at Tumbling

Twitter: @CliveLive49

Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Tue May 15th, 2012 2:05am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Alcohol poisoning is alarming.
Turns out, when medication is labelled 'must be taken with food', they don't include a bottle of gin in their definition of food. Who knew?
Yes, Yes, I know, everyone knew. But I'm a fool.

I jump out of my skin at any sudden noise or movement or anything, even when expecting it. HOLY SHIT TOAST POPPING UP.
you'd think almost 28 years on the planet would get one accustomed to toast popping up, but I jump every fucking time.
If I had such a door buzzer, I'd likely have dismantled it, violently, long ago. I once destroyed a phone because the ringer refused to be turned down,.. and a clock... that kept ticking.. in a taunting manner. It was an evil clock. It was all like.. tick, you loser, tick, ahahahaha, tick, everyone else can ignore me, tick, you're insane, tick, you can't stop me, tick, ahhrggh.
My mother was most displeased..


Back to top

Stefi


Member

Posted Wed May 16th, 2012 7:58pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Wow I thought clocks were only this evil at other people's houses... I totally agree, and that's why I have a dgital clock

My stomach is alarming. I did some Hochreck (high-horizontal bar) gymnastics last tuesday (not yesterday) and I can still feel that in my stomach muscles when I get up or... well, use them. It's gotten a lot better in the last few days, though. Before that, I was very alarmed at having sore muscles for so long! I guess I'm just not as fit as I used to be, which, in itself, is quite alarming.

We are talking of the idea of beauty, and the beauty of ideas.

@Giggi_1

Back to top

Clive


Member

Posted Sun May 20th, 2012 12:16pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

After many years of listening to Blues music...

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+the+fuck+is+a+levee%2C+anyway%3F

'Vote for E.L. Wisty, or invisible nudists will come along and smash you round the face.'

(E.L. Wisty)

My Attempt at Tumbling

Twitter: @CliveLive49

Back to top

TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Sun May 20th, 2012 2:30pm Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Delta Blues A levee is just a barrier which runs parallel to whatever the water source is. The western part of Mississippi, the Delta, is situated between 2 big rivers and floods often, like it's neighbor Louisiana. New Orleans has hundreds of them.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

Back to top

Frazzy


Member

Posted Mon Jun 4th, 2012 7:10am Post subject: Alarming Little Things

Find a levee burn it down... seems like wood isn't the best thing to build levees out of.


Back to top