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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Mon Apr 6th, 2009 11:28pm Post subject: another wee poem
The man who walks the street

Another Winter morn he'll greet

a night of wind and blinding sleat

though just awake he feels deadbeat

it's hard to move from lack of heat

but move he must, there's death to beat

the man who walks the street



Another day, another drink

to stop his mind from trying to think

others see him cower and shrink

he looks at them and tries to wink

but he knows they just smell his stink

a man who's on the brink



His bank account is obsolete

he says he just forgets to eat

the DSS, his claim complete

he tries his best to keep them sweet

but they enjoy his daily defeat

the man, penniless on the street



Lucid moments, always brief

can't remember more than grief

seldom experiences self relief

abused and treated like a thief

a broken heart is his motiff

the man who stares in disbilief



Would love to sleep in satin sheets

use a bed and not concrete

Be invisible, Be discrete

not be kicked by others feet

taste the sweet of bitter sweet

the man who's dying on the street



Lives a life that we would dread

constant voices in his head

hears every insult that's unsaid

not a public tears' been shed

life now hanging by a thread

the man who wishes he was dead



Another day's end on a station seat

he lays down on his carboard sheet

he finds his breath hard to repeat

he feels the bluness of his feet

a loving glance he might now meet

his life now spent with no reciept

the man who died today, on the street

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PamJH


Member

Posted Tue Apr 7th, 2009 1:37am Post subject: another wee poem
I'm not sure you meant this to be beautiful, but it is.

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pantechnicon


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 11:48am Post subject: another wee poem
It would make a great rap song but i think there needs to be a little more variation in the metre to make it a sucessful poem - pantechnicon

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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Wed Apr 29th, 2009 9:14pm Post subject: another wee poem
It would make a great rap song but i think there needs to be a little more variation in the metre to make it a sucessful poem - pantechnicon

thank you for your comment.

I have never learned to write poetry and my technical knowledge on the subject is very limmited.

know any good basic poetry teaching sites / books / articles?

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pantechnicon


Member

Posted Thu Apr 30th, 2009 12:19am Post subject: another wee poem
You don't need to learn it, just read some poems, listen to some songs and get the rhythm. A little variation can make all the difference as your narrative is fine. - Pan

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annabean


Member

Posted Sun Jun 7th, 2009 11:13am Post subject: another wee poem
really enjoyed your lines..wish I could do it!.. You could have fun experimenting with line length, internal rhyme, alliteration..you seem to have a natural instinct for them anyway..

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