For the four years that I've suffered anxiety and depression, the goal that has kept me most optimistic is not managing it, but eliminating it. I've been able to achieve a lot with SSRIs and self-therapy as a crutch, but I've felt that there could be a lot more I could do without anything holding me back at all; and, in turn, there is only so much one can achieve without the presence of a theoretical 'off' switch. Last week, for instance, I turned down a job after taking it and attending the first day of training because I didn't believe myself capable of doing the work and remaining calm enough to be sane at the same time.
What's prompted me to post my second thread here tonight is watching, strangely, the Secret Life again (nice catharsis to aid with insomnia), and seeing Stephen talk to Richard Dreyfuss, who explains that what he achieved due to the treatment of his condition wasn't due to courage, but a lack of discourage - i.e. the absence of anxiety. Needless to say, it got me thinking.
One alternative I've been considering for a while is hypnosis, though a couple of potential barriers vex me slightly:
Firstly, the cost. This isn't a potential barrier - this is real. I am dirt poor, have been since graduation and show no signs of being able to afford fifty quid a session for what may well last upwards of four or five visits.
Secondly, my broken, steam-punk like engineering superplex of a brain. With cogs turning at the slightest little thing - not to mention the anxiety that comes with my inability to shut it off - am I even hypnotisable?
The other thing the program made me think of and, indeed, the impetus for posting again, was the idea of going on mood stabilizers. I am aware that this is no fairweather commitment, and that certain symptoms I already suffer as a result of depression - i.e. reduced libedo, lack of motivation, apathy, tiredness etc - may be exacerbated by it - but then, this is also the case with SSRIs, and I don't see myself coming off them with gusto in the near future.
I suppose what I want to ask is whether or not anyone has, or knows anyone who has, had experience - positive, negative or neutral - or information about either of the above options or potential alternatives.
Finally, I'd like to apologize for the verbosity in my last two posts. At half three in the a m, my fingers continue to startle me by being far more motivated than my brain.
Peace and love, as Starky condescends.
I'm a histrionic, holistic, herculean halibut.