I have some cycling between highs and lows, with each phase lasting anywhere from months to years. It correlates with events in my life, but sometimes not. During the higher periods, I would typically just describe myself as happy. My outlook on life becomes somewhat simpler, I don't stress much, and I'm easily amused by the little things. My self esteem is high, while simultaneously, I'm always trying to find reasons to confirm it. An "I know I can do this well, but maybe I'd better make sure others think so too" sort of thing. During this time it is difficult for me to become very upset with other people.
During the down periods, however, I am critical, cold, and brooding. I am not very friendly. Happiness is mostly a forced display, etc. I don't think I will go into much detail with this. If six stanzas are all that is needed to portray happiness, then unhappiness needs six thousand, and no one has that kind of attention span.
...Which I think I'm bordering on already with my blabbering, so I'll get to the point. When I'm happy, life is good, simple, and plain. When I'm unhappy, life is bitter, complicated, and yet, it is colorful. My happy mind is content with a few new concepts, while my unhappy mind is starving for a million more. During the lows I'm making the connections, forcing the realizations, bringing forth the revelations. During the highs, on the other hand, my only response to things is, "Oh, okay" while I reach for another mug of hot cocoa or whatnot.
When I'm happy I'm also bored. When I'm unhappy, I'm miserable, but I'm also interested. In a way I like myself better when I am depressed, because of the way it allows me to think, even though overall self-esteem is better in high periods. High periods are for when I want to like the rest of the world. Like the world, but not understand it, because creating those new connections, those new ideas -- that ability lies almost entirely in the world of misery. I'm only happy for as long as those ideas last. Once they run dry, I lapse back into a state of depression.
Happiness = a sort of mental standstill. Outside ideas and concepts are being absorbed, as if into a sponge, but they are not analysed as much. These periods are fueled by the connections made in the previous low period. Positive emotions are dominant.
Unhappiness = a time to rip apart those things absorbed during the high period, to look at them, examine them, change them, tweak them. Negative emotions prevail. Meanwhile, all the new ideas created during this period are building up, preparing for the next high period.
I hope my rambling makes sense. I think I am in a transition phase right now. I've been in a high for the past two years, but it is beginning to slip back down again. That is why the title of this is what it is, because I am bored bored bored with the joy joy joy. Anyone recognizing any of this?
"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"