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Britannicus


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 7:21am Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
I am not bipolar as far as I know, but you are all a friendly bunch that do not seem to instantly shy away from issues of the mind, so I am comfortable here.

I have some cycling between highs and lows, with each phase lasting anywhere from months to years. It correlates with events in my life, but sometimes not. During the higher periods, I would typically just describe myself as happy. My outlook on life becomes somewhat simpler, I don't stress much, and I'm easily amused by the little things. My self esteem is high, while simultaneously, I'm always trying to find reasons to confirm it. An "I know I can do this well, but maybe I'd better make sure others think so too" sort of thing. During this time it is difficult for me to become very upset with other people.

During the down periods, however, I am critical, cold, and brooding. I am not very friendly. Happiness is mostly a forced display, etc. I don't think I will go into much detail with this. If six stanzas are all that is needed to portray happiness, then unhappiness needs six thousand, and no one has that kind of attention span.

...Which I think I'm bordering on already with my blabbering, so I'll get to the point. When I'm happy, life is good, simple, and plain. When I'm unhappy, life is bitter, complicated, and yet, it is colorful. My happy mind is content with a few new concepts, while my unhappy mind is starving for a million more. During the lows I'm making the connections, forcing the realizations, bringing forth the revelations. During the highs, on the other hand, my only response to things is, "Oh, okay" while I reach for another mug of hot cocoa or whatnot.

When I'm happy I'm also bored. When I'm unhappy, I'm miserable, but I'm also interested. In a way I like myself better when I am depressed, because of the way it allows me to think, even though overall self-esteem is better in high periods. High periods are for when I want to like the rest of the world. Like the world, but not understand it, because creating those new connections, those new ideas -- that ability lies almost entirely in the world of misery. I'm only happy for as long as those ideas last. Once they run dry, I lapse back into a state of depression.

Happiness = a sort of mental standstill. Outside ideas and concepts are being absorbed, as if into a sponge, but they are not analysed as much. These periods are fueled by the connections made in the previous low period. Positive emotions are dominant.

Unhappiness = a time to rip apart those things absorbed during the high period, to look at them, examine them, change them, tweak them. Negative emotions prevail. Meanwhile, all the new ideas created during this period are building up, preparing for the next high period.

I hope my rambling makes sense. I think I am in a transition phase right now. I've been in a high for the past two years, but it is beginning to slip back down again. That is why the title of this is what it is, because I am bored bored bored with the joy joy joy. Anyone recognizing any of this?

"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"

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Maniac


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 9:56am Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
I sometimes feel strange when I am coming out of a depression.
It's almost as though I get comfortable with it and change is hard.
I can't say I'm happy with it though.

Hope you are OK.
A

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meekychuppet


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 10:01am Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
As Kurt Cobain said, I miss the comfort in being sad.

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Vespertine


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 5:25pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
As Kurt Cobain said, I miss the comfort in being sad.

Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head, I don't think he's a very good mentor!

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AxmxZ


Moderator

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 5:50pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
Apropos of this, apparently the high time for suicides in Scandinavia during the year isn't the dead of dark and gloomy winter but springtime. Sunlight's back, and snows are getting ready to melt... and you have to come out of cozy hibernation and face your life again. Which sucks.

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Maniac


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 6:25pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
You start to get your energy back and are able to do something about killing yourself when before all you could do was think about it.
That's what people blame ADs on suicides - they helped you feel better so you can do what you wanted to do before you took them.

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meekychuppet


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 7:29pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
As Kurt Cobain said, I miss the comfort in being sad.

Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head, I don't think he's a very good mentor!

He was bipolar though. It was just a pithy quote to sum up the thread. It's taken from Frances Farmer Will Have Her revenge on Seattle.

You can read about her here. It's quite moving actually.

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trouser material


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 7:53pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
I'm not bipolar or have ever been diagnosed with any mental health problems, but i have massive swings of good and bad which can last minutes or months. I wonder if ANYONE is capable of keeping a balanced mood all of the time.

I strongly doubt it.

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Aoibheann


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 7:58pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
My mother is always in a foul humour.. but i suppose she has to live with me.. haha..

and i know what you mean about being unhappy about being happy.. when im having an episode.. i find i sometimes dont want to come out.. its almost safe being in it.. you dont have to commit all that lack of energy trying to get out of it. its comforting being there.. its somewhere you know like the back of your hand.. you know? tis all mad.. and tiring..

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Britannicus


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 8:16pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
Yeah, those lower periods really are comforting in a way. Like a dark hiding place to conceal yourself in or something. It's hard to come out of that once you've gotten cozy.

I think it's interesting how the mind works so different in comparison between the two states. When I'm down, my mathematic and scientific abilities go way up. When I'm happy, my reading and people skills are dominant. It's like I have to have both states, I need them to really understand the whole picture of who I am.

Like trouser material said, I seriously doubt that anyone can really keep up with the positive outlook, blah blah, etc. ALL the time. That would be hugely draining. The idea of it being the normal, natural state of a person's mind is just an unattainable ideal. It has to be.

"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"

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Nadia


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 9:23pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
No, I don't like lower periods. Because I can't work at all - apathy is
overwhelming. And desire to die creeps me out. And sometimes I
can't even think

I love my "highs" a lot - since I stopped drink and smoke and.. I'm
pretty sane during my "high" periods -won't do anything i'll regret -
and enjoy pure happyness
and inspiration and creativity and ability to communicate with other ppl.

Ahh, i kinda envy you who can somewhat enjoy lower periods!

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Aoibheann


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 9:34pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
I can relate to what your saying also Nadia... specially the bit about being creeped out.. i keep thinking..'Christ.. what is Wrong with me for thinking about this..'... which makes me worse cause i think i can think my way out of it.. and get frustrated that i cant.. i mean.. i should be able to think my way out of it.. you know?

But i mean.. i Dont enjoy my unhappiness.. i really dont.. i didnt mean it that way.. i ment that its like a safe blanket.. its like being wrapped in something.. and the thoughts of coming out of it are far to difficult to even contemplate.. you know? when im in an episode i cant see any hope at all.. not a smidgen.. so thinking about being happy is like a foreign land to me then.. and i dont want to come out of it sometimes.. because.. the effort it takes.. you know? its seems to hard to be anything but easy.. i do have to say tho.. that this seems to be a lighter episode.. when i think like this.. during the darker ones.. i go somewhere funny... and then im really fucked..

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Britannicus


Member

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 10:46pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
No...I guess I'm muddling things up a lot. It is strange talking about this. I don't enjoy those periods either, not in the least, but there are things about it that are...useful. Yeah, that's the word. I can see the connection between A and B and come out with C, while in the high periods I'm just expecting C to somehow be there and get disappointed when it's not. There've been attempted suicides and whatnot during those low times, so no, not enjoyable at all. Just some aspects of it are useful.

"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Thu May 24th, 2007 11:43pm Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
What i'm reading here is fascinating , Britannicus, Aiobheann and Nadia and others - there is such a range of interpretations, and yet they kind of hang together (if that word 'hang' isn't innappropriate - i too am familiar with the attraction of ropes).

but more careful reading starts to divine out the differences between depression and bipolar-depression, and Trouser's (i think) comment about steady-state emotional levels is very pertinent.

Some of the descriptions above describe the normal range of experiences. I think degree of intelligence is very related to tolerance of boredom.

The idea of being more 'maths' when low and more 'reading' when high is really interesting - though thats not a very good paraphrase, but you know the bit i mean.

Conclusion??

- that mood is a complex thing, and that there are many influences - some of them external - but i would say that wouldn't i - being firmly committed to Aaron Beck's model of human behaviour.

Chris

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Sun May 27th, 2007 11:21am Post subject: Are you unhappy with your happiness?
I must admit to posting this on a very similar thread within this group. Many apologies but I think it's still relevant.

In answer to the question. "Am I unhappy with my happyness?". Well not in itself, but I have on many occasions found the extreme highs to be more damaging than the moderate lows.

It's during these periods that I make silly decisions, (small and large). I can't sit and watch TV. I can' t sit and read a book without fidgeting, or being able to focus on the text. In fact it's really a waist of time to even trying read during these times. As far as trying to relax away from work generally, no chance.

During the lows, I become sedate, focused and become more of a soul searcher. It's during these periods that I become more creative and can focus on a single task, rather than trying to juggle several at a time, as I seem to do when high.

But I must add though, that I have had to discover how things tick inside and pull the right levers in order to pull myself up, motivate myself, and not hide away, when all seems to be falling down around me.

I certainly get more work done during the lows with less effort, whereas during the highs, I seem to get less done, yet strangely, feel as though I’ve ran a marathon.

Hope this all makes sense.

Take care

Pete

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