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Ask Tito! All your problems solved!

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Nitro Member	Posted Thu Feb 18th, 2010 5:08pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! My Dear Ms.Tito, Both Eggbert and myself are currently in your country. I had to call Scotland Yard in order to have him found. I'm afraid the boy has somewhat few navigational skills, though he does manage to find such lovely ladies as your sweet Cynthia. My profuse apologies that my son insists on referring to her as 'Cynthesizer'. I certainly do not approve but as he is beyond the age of appropriate parenting, I cannot whip him into submission any more. He will be a married man soon. I have a wonderful lawyer who can ensure that your fine daughters previous marriages are in fact, null and void. When Eggbert and I arrive at your house - we're currently in London as he insisted on taking pictures of Big Ben, ( and ONLY Big Ben ), to give to Cynthia. I'm sorry to hear about her recent medical issues. I'm sure they will be resolved soon enough. In fact, Eggbert insists that Cynthia is 'probably not' where you think she is. He refuses to divulge any further information about her whereabouts I'm afraid. Maybe Scotland Yard can work for you as well ? We are both looking forward to meeting you if for no other reason than that I insist on it. Eggbert, your future son-in-law, is also under the impression he and Cynthia can marry themselves telepathically. This I will not stand for. Nor sit for, nor acquire any other position except to actually meet. Your daughters extension of an invitation to stay at your house is greatly appreciated. Perhaps you could send some pictures of our guest rooms to my cell phone, that I might better analyze our current baggage and clothing needs. I wouldn't want to drag all of our stuff around if it's not necessary. Perhaps you and I could go riding on your estate and take some time to better know each other, apart from our lovely children. Eggbert and I eagerly await your reply and the upcoming marriage. I must admit his father and I will be a little relieved to see him off and living on his own. The boy snores so!! Regards and tah-tah, Mrs. Lambert N. Newton Sr. Really? Wow.
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Nitro Member	Posted Thu Feb 18th, 2010 5:12pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Dear Aunty Tito, Congrats on your engagement but hey, if you ever feel an 'itch' that only one of my boys can scratch for you, feel free to give me a call at 1-800-BUY-MENS. Remember, that's not 'Bi' but 'Buy'. Some people have confused themselves over this little difference in spelling. But it certainly didn't stop my boys from taking the job! ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha If you ever need a 'Minister of Pleasure' for your government - I'm your man baby! Time to send my stable out for their showers and shots, Peter Pimpenskill Really? Wow.
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tito Member *	Posted Wed Apr 14th, 2010 1:42pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Tito says: Dear Peter Pimpenskill, I certainly will bear you in mind and would like to thank you for the catalogue which arrived early today. 'Randy' on page 37 looks interesting. In fact he shares several of the same hobbies as myself. Although my allergy to cucumber may cause a problem between us. We do have an election coming up soon, and I will bear you in mind for a post, in an advisory capacity, of course. Yours leafing through your catalogue, Aunty Tito Remember! If things were different, then things wouldn't be the same!
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tito Member *	Posted Wed Apr 14th, 2010 1:53pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Tito says: Dear Mrs Lambert N Newton Snr, Well, what a time we've had! Who'd have thought that your Eggbert had it in him to mount a ladder and elope-a-size Our Cynth. I heard a loud clatter, looked out of my bedroom window and there was your Eggbert, face down in a large bush! I've had a postcard from them, so that's something. It says: Deer Muvva, Me hand Eggbut is on hunnymoonie in Blackpooool and iss aving a gud toime and I mite bee aving a baby. Thas iff Eggbut starts beeleevin me on wot married cupples do afta dark. He sez his muvva telled im babies come from cabbige patchies and married peeples play cards at noight. But Oi ave ad a donkey ride on the beech so i ham appy wiv that fore the minit. Love fromme Cynth You really should have been more open with young Eggbert my dear! I will have a word with O-E and ask if he can send instructions to Eggbert on 'the art of love'. I'm sorry our ride together on my estate didn't go well. I do hope you are out of the full body cast now. Or at least your head is now facing the right way. Ha ha! Hope that helps! Yours sex educashunally, Aunty Tito Remember! Somewhere beyond the sea!
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tito Member *	Posted Wed Apr 14th, 2010 2:06pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Tito says: Dear O-E, I've had a postcard from Our Cynth and she needs your help! You couldn't drop Eggbert a line or two could you? He needs some of your Karma-Sutric knowledge! Cynth wants to try for a baby but he won't believe green vegetables aren't involved. They are staying at: 'Trembling Palms Guest House' Tupperware Road, Blackpool And as for me! My engagement came to nothing, he had 'another' and I thought I was to be alone for ever more! And then Jimmy came along. I took a leaf out of Our Cynth's book and eloped myself (Thursday last). There is a new Mr Aunty Tito! Mr Aunty Tito before our nuptials: http://www.on.net.mk/galerii//Arthur_Steel/images/Jimmy-Saville.jpg And just yesterday morning: http://shedchan.org/bush/src/122490658846.jpg Blodwyn Spoils says that she's sure he'll fit in just as well as the late Mr-what's-his-name. In fact she had him hard at it in the study yesterday for hours! I could hear the filing cabinets rattling away. Baby Jerry is flourishing and still reminds me of someone. I can't think for the life of me who. Tch! Baby Jerry: http://blogs.clevescene.com/cnotes/springer.jpg I do hope everything is well with you. I am of course electioneering again and any help would be welcome. You did such a sterling job the last time. Hope that helps! Yours campaigningly, Aunty Tito Remember! Being a bigot doesn't necessarily make you a bad person!
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Maxx England Member	Posted Wed Apr 14th, 2010 2:49pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Well! You'd never have thought Cynth had it in her! You tell me this Egford chappie needs my advice; I feel I can go one better than that, and give him a demonstration with the aid of my new housekeeper, Strawberry Candell: http://journalstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/candy-girls-116.jpg She's been on my staff for a month now, and tells me it's the best position she's ever had, makes the old heart glad to give her something that pleases her. The new house (and I hope to be more settled now I'm here) at Purving Knightley is rather pleasant. I had some qualms about moving into something of such antiquity, what with all the restrictions imposed by it's listed status http://img.findaproperty.com/library/new/bothy4.jpg but what the hell, it's a genuine piece of England the damned reds and their bureaucratic flunkeys in Whitehall haven't homogenised. Talking of homogenised, what's your boy Illustrious doing lately? O-E Purving Knightley The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?
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tito Member *	Posted Wed Apr 14th, 2010 6:24pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Tito says: Dear O-E Purving Knightly, Goodness! I haven't seen Strawberry in an absolute age! She was always hanging about on the corner of the High Street. Waiting for a bus I think? Anyway, give her my best and thank her for her efforts in educating my new son-in-law. As for your new house I'm sure once Hortense pops some curtains up and puts a few pot plants about the place, it'll be absolutely stunning. Illustrious is doing very well and sent me this picture of himself and his friend 'Dicky'. http://www.hawkingthescene.com/.a/6a00e553adf4d58834010535978d94970c-800wi Will I have both of my offspring married by the end of the year? Dicky's daddy is a billionaire and in poor health so let's hope so! Hope that helps! Yours confettingly Aunty Tito Remember! Every cloud is made of water vapour!
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Maxx England Member	Posted Fri Apr 16th, 2010 9:00pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Sorry to tell you, Hortense had to return to France with Euthanasie; poor child was suffering again with her problem. We hadn't realised how bad it had become, to be honest, until one day we found her chewing old plywood , not even proper wood. It was only a matter of time before she degenerated to the point of chipboard. Strawberry, bless her has been an admirable consolation in my loneliness, and as a bonus, my ears have not been so repeatedly warm for years. Pleased to see Illustrious so obviously happy, I just hope it lasts longer than his usual forays into romance. And I still think he was victimised over that business in the carpark with a cucumber and the football team. O-E Purving Knightley The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?
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lol8ta_120 Member	Posted Sat Apr 17th, 2010 8:37pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Here's Who's Cool: Thara Rahuthaman Vanessa Northrop Valerie Johnson Dierdre-Diana Warden Phoebe Costerisan Caeli Kimball Jessie May K. Schmoot-Schmoot Ernessa Northrop (insulted by Toni Morrison, fuck Princeton girl on Lorelei's show) Crooklyn Kirtsie Wilson Abby Capen Stephanie Levine Christina Callaway Becky Schaeffer Simone Haven Andria Darby Julia Northrop * Jeanneatte Northrop * * shoutout Houston!!!!!!!!! And Cerebrus rises again!!!! WEll, I'm sorry, but Police at the Funeral. I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another, we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become. ---Azar Nafisi
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lol8ta_120 Member	Posted Sat Apr 17th, 2010 8:44pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Nest of Causeheads: Meghan Capen (bully deluxe) bitches in Latina Religion class (that cute guy was on loan from Dartmouth) Cyanne Capen (that bitch was too true blue and no bluebonnet) and the beat goes on!!! Mission Possible Asshole, Aborted I hope! I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another, we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become. ---Azar Nafisi
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lol8ta_120 Member	Posted Sat Apr 17th, 2010 8:46pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Some people just never like their next door neighbors. Face it, SM, they ----. I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another, we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become. ---Azar Nafisi
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lol8ta_120 Member	Posted Sat Apr 17th, 2010 8:56pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! There's one word I hate and it's BINARY. That was an-ASSHOLE magnet. Guess who said it. Fake K Fake!!!! (Guess who dated it in Bi-sexual Phase. Guess who NEARLY had a threesome alongside that NAZI.). And guess what he did--accused ME of it. Some people are just along for the wrong ecstasy trips. That was the best E's and Whizz I ever had, and an ASSHOLE was there too. I'd told her, you see, that I'd taken a lot of acid in junior high and she wanted to be more up-to-date than ME. I'm sorry, but this isn't Osmosis-town, A+ Bitch. This is the fucking ALAMO. You blood sucker Santa Anna. (Movie once...junior high!!) Sometimes you just have to VOTE: Sir or Madam????????????? You know what OTHER word i HATE: BUTTERFACE. It's the new binary, TRUST me. I mean, sssssometimes a Church is JUST A TOWER OF BABBLE-ON. I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another, we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become. ---Azar Nafisi
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lol8ta_120 Member	Posted Sat Apr 17th, 2010 9:08pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Guess who else blows: K--- Somebody at Smith College who had farmed a teen baby out for college and thought that entitled her to call a hangout I was curious about pretentious to my FACE. What the fuck did I ever do???????? 42. VOTE: Pilates or Pirates???????????????? I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another, we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become. ---Azar Nafisi
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Nitro Member	Posted Tue Apr 20th, 2010 11:03pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Dear O-E and Mrs.Aunty Tito, First, congratulations to you both for having found the kind of stable, healthy, and normal adult love that Cynthesizer and I have. Second, I have come to realize that there are certain expectations in the confines of a marriage that my parents did not tell me about and it's slightly giving me the ickies. I can't count any higher than second right now, because one of my hands is under the control of my lovely Cynth. I didn't realize how strong she was either. And strong willed. Our first argument came up. It was so sweet. I found out from a hobo stumbling down the road that Cynth had gone to my mother and complained that I wasn't much of a man. That Cynth, always such creative stories. I really married a winner! Very artistic and stuff. Anyway, it kind of made me mad so I told her. When she was done hitting me and telling me to go to a bad place, she said she has every right to complain about me to anyone and then said that husbands are supposed to do what she says. As I know your lovely daughter would never lie, I do believe her so am trying to do the weird things she wants me to. Well, no offense. I mean they're weird to me. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a father yet, because I'm not done being a son. My mom told me this in confidence. Please don't repeat it to Cynthia. I've managed to find some time to myself to build a cabbage patch, so who knows? Perhaps you will have a grand child by us very soon. And Mr.O-E, please do not send me anymore of those icky girl pictures. They make me cry and are very offensive to my mother. She saw them and mumbled something about ....'hit man on that *&^%ing perv' and '...probably a fruit picker...', whatever that means. I'm not sure and don't ask my mom questions when her veins pop out of her neck and her eyes get real bugged out in her face. She's quite a pistol my mother! heh.... Just thought I'd update you, my new family-in-law on the status of me and Cynth, the new, young couple that we are. Yours in correspondence such as this, Eggbert Really? Wow.
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Maxx England Member	Posted Thu Apr 29th, 2010 5:49pm Post subject: Ask Tito! All your problems solved! Tito! I blame you! That lunatic woman has taken to stalking me, http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2aFlrgWuS3U/SjN6ltynXUI/....._woman.bmp and I know for a fact a 19th century veterinary castrator has been stolen from the Grussetshire Museum Of Agriculture. I pray the delicate flower that is Cynthia sees reason and separates herself from this Eggwhisk and his parent (must have been artificially inseminated or she trapped an asylum inmate, can't see any normal man conjoining in ecstasy with the harridan). What I want to know, is what are you going to do about this? I sent the information to the halfwit son in all good faith and now I drive about in mortal fear of my trouser department being assaulted by a psychopath. O-E Purving Knightley The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?
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