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spiralthreads


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Posted Mon Jan 28th, 2008 9:51pm Post subject: Ballads of danny wise
Just edited my version up above somewhere

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paul harris


Member

Posted Mon Jan 28th, 2008 11:14pm Post subject: Ballads of danny wise
like it...doing violence by domestic appliance.....

can I suggest.....
third stanza from the end
line 2 maybe

"you should not short change me"

line 4
she cried in victory ... or something....

to help the scansion there?

take care now

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spiralthreads


Member

Posted Tue Jan 29th, 2008 12:08pm Post subject: Ballads of danny wise
Hmmmm will have to think about that. There's another verse I had scribbled seperately that needs adding in, so I'll have another look at that stanza at the same time.

I just finished writing the heroic verse for exercise 13. That really was fun! It needs more editing yet, but the main body is in custody.

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spiralthreads


Member

Posted Wed Jan 30th, 2008 12:17pm Post subject: Ballads of danny wise
Right then, I've gone back to the instructions for this exercise and the brief is to have fun with the form, not to worry too much about rhyme or meter (although there's nothing wrong with a little perfection, I say, if that suits your intent).

The scansion gets lost twice in my version: once when Annabelle first learns of Danny's wandering eye, and again when the gypsy admits triumphantly that it was just a lie - pebbles in a diamond brooch, you might say. The point is that Annabelle, sweet and mild, is a control freak and gets driven to extreme action when her world is not perfectly orderly - evidence her desire to consult a fortune teller about her husband: she needed to know what was ahead and could not trust to chance. The slight chaos in the stanzas reflects her state of mind.

Now - how did you get on with the villanelle?

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JamesMcloughlin


Member

Posted Tue Feb 1st, 2011 1:24am Post subject: Ballads of danny wise

A little late to the party, I must admit, but here's my take on the exercise from Stephen's brilliant book!

Now gather round and let me tell
the tale of Danny Wise:
And how his sweet wife Annabelle
did suck out both his eyes.

And if I tell the story true
And if I tell it clear,
There’s not a mortal one of you
Won’t shriek in mortal fear.

It starts one day in Southport town,
not far from where you sit,
I’ll tell you how the deed went down,
but it’s rather explicit

The graveyard where they made their vows
was hung with heavy fog,
the dew was dripping from her blouse,
as he did her like a dog.

All was well, and all was fine,
and all was coming grand,
‘til Danny with his eye did spy,
the mole on Annie’s hand

So slow and sure his heart did sink,
and his dick began to droop,
no matter how he tried to think
his standing soldier stooped

Annie screamed, she screamed for more,
but Danny had lost the game,
to the mole he’d never spied before,
and said he: ‘never again’.

Well that was it, and he was done,
for hell hath fury not,
he pulled it out, with haste did run,
from Annie and her bot

She gave him chase and gave it good,
as hard as he could run,
she caught up fast, the scent of blood,
shot her like a gun,

She bore down quick and bore down fast,
in chase of Danny unWise,
he ran and ran but then at last,
he tripped and fell, surprised,

and Danny’s sweet wife Annabelle,
did hover at his side,
and like a hoover out of hell,
she sucked out both his eyes.

So the tale at last comes to a close,
I hope you made it through,
there’s one thing to remember though:
moles are bad for you,

So if you catch a sneaky sight
of one perched on your arm,
you best get down the doctor’s right,
or you could come to harm.

Read more: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-ballad-of-danny-wise/#ixzz1Cf7BKmgv


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JamesMcloughlin


Member

Posted Tue Feb 1st, 2011 1:24am Post subject: Ballads of danny wise

A little late to the party, I must admit, but here's my take on the exercise from Stephen's brilliant book!

Now gather round and let me tell
the tale of Danny Wise:
And how his sweet wife Annabelle
did suck out both his eyes.

And if I tell the story true
And if I tell it clear,
There’s not a mortal one of you
Won’t shriek in mortal fear.

It starts one day in Southport town,
not far from where you sit,
I’ll tell you how the deed went down,
but it’s rather explicit

The graveyard where they made their vows
was hung with heavy fog,
the dew was dripping from her blouse,
as he did her like a dog.

All was well, and all was fine,
and all was coming grand,
‘til Danny with his eye did spy,
the mole on Annie’s hand

So slow and sure his heart did sink,
and his dick began to droop,
no matter how he tried to think
his standing soldier stooped

Annie screamed, she screamed for more,
but Danny had lost the game,
to the mole he’d never spied before,
and said he: ‘never again’.

Well that was it, and he was done,
for hell hath fury not,
he pulled it out, with haste did run,
from Annie and her bot

She gave him chase and gave it good,
as hard as he could run,
she caught up fast, the scent of blood,
shot her like a gun,

She bore down quick and bore down fast,
in chase of Danny unWise,
he ran and ran but then at last,
he tripped and fell, surprised,

and Danny’s sweet wife Annabelle,
did hover at his side,
and like a hoover out of hell,
she sucked out both his eyes.

So the tale at last comes to a close,
I hope you made it through,
there’s one thing to remember though:
moles are bad for you,

So if you catch a sneaky sight
of one perched on your arm,
you best get down the doctor’s right,
or you could come to harm.

Read more: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-ballad-of-danny-wise/#ixzz1Cf7BKmgv


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Barry Rosenthal


Member

Posted Sun May 1st, 2011 9:05pm Post subject: Ballads of danny wise

I've enjoyed the previous takes on this wonderful exercise. Here's an even more belated attempt to resolve the mystery of Annabelle.

The Ballad of Danny Wise

Now gather round and let me tell
The tale of Danny Wise
And how his sweet wife Annabelle
Did suck out both his eyes

And if I tell the story true
And if I tell it clear
There's not a mortal one of you
Who'll shriek in mortal fear

They met at night inside a club
That called itself Temptations
Where Annabelle was with her friends
They danced and made gyrations

This caught the eye of Danny Wise
Her dance had charmed his heart
Sweet Annabelle, she caught his yearn
And Cupid fired his dart

She gave him such a gentle smile
This caused his heart to melt
They met inside the great dance floor
Oh, how much he felt!

The DJ played his best love song
That cast out all its charms
And Danny took sweet Annabelle
Into his loving arms

They moved into a quiet corner
She purred and cooed at him
And Danny fell into a trance
In the light so dim

Danny yearned and longed some more
He gave her loving looks
Sweet Annabelle thought to herself
“In him, I have my hooks”

He had that quality she sought
Which struck her deepest chord
This caused her inner core to wake
“With him I won’t be bored”

Danny gave his heart and flowers
And then a diamond ring
He made his solemn vows to her
His heart began to sing

For Annabelle, the consummation
With her Danny Wise
Would not be done until she sank
Two ice picks in his eyes

She sucked them out and swallowed them
These windows to his soul
Enraptured so, was Annabelle
Her Danny paid his toll

See all her men in serial
And let there be no doubt
Sweet Annabelle is most alive
When romance gets snuffed out


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