First, I must state that I don't have BPD.
Second, I must state that I was very closely associated with an incredibly special human being, for whom my Love has no end until my own, and her struggles were, not always voluntarily, my own at times.
The more severe her disease progresses, the more severe her symptoms. It took a great deal of effort from herself and everyone who helped her to get stablized. She did a fantastic job of it, though often grudgingly due to some religious hangovers instilled in her.
Still, being an etntrepunerial spirit, she had invented a product and secured distribution and packaging with two huge corporations, and had fallen in love again. Seeing her grin just from that made me so happy.
And just as quickly as that, she was murdered. To say 'it sucked' is a big understatement.
During her manic phases, she was all over the map but it always in a very creative way, no doubt. Her arguments for hyper-inclusive logic and ideation were just off-kilter enough to know she was not going to 'come down' for days. But when she did, she crashed into a big, black pool and became scarily withdrawn. In either state she put herself in terrible danger by taking risks unanalyzed and her self-centeredness knew no bounds. It made her nearly impossible to reason with.
I mention this for the poster who seemed to feel some level of guilt for having 'failed' in some way previous persons who had BPD. It's not a failure on anyone's part. Being on the caregiving side is extraordinarily difficult and exhausting and that's just the truth of it sometimes. And those who know someone with BPD need to give themselves a break for feeling those things too. It's alright.
To see my friend recover, and then be taken away so rudely, has always been awful to me. It was certainly not what she wanted or had been planning for, and her new lover was devestated.
Part of the reason, as I understand it, for the depression cycling downwards into such a severe abyss, is exacerbated by the physical fatigue of the body from having been kept running on 'High' for days, sometimes weeks. My friend literally would yibber-yabber for hours and hours and go from person to persons house doing so, till she exhausted every patient set of ears. Then she'd spend many hours on her own doing other things like wandering around and donning a near-messianic role with total strangers. Then she'd get in her car and drive a few states on a whim to visit people. I could go on and on but the point is, by the time the Dep stepped in, her entire person was ready to crash. To have a rest. Sometimes I wondered if it wasn't just her body partly going into survival mode. The mania wreaks havoc on various physical systems, and so days in bed wasn't too hard to pull off. Nor staying on slumped on the couch, staring blankly into the TV and being unresponsive.
Life shouldn't have to be crap at all. It takes time and patience and resources, not to mention expert doctors, to get medications dialed in to the individual. That's not easy to do as often BPD patients hate the meds and will skip or stop them altogether, sometimes just to get that manic high again. It feels more 'real' in a sense, as my friend would say, than the comparitive numbness of normalacy ( it's not numbness really, but compared to a manic mind it is ).
I hope that everyone with BPD can a) come across a great doctor and b) as a result of a, can get on the meds right for THEM. Maybe with that start, Life can become sweet again more often than not.
Thanks for the link to the lay LuvLaffen and I dearly hope you all find some eclectic investors who can keep your work afloat and charging onwards If so, maybe you'll be able to take it on the road and I'll see it myself one day