STEPHEN FRY

Hi tallyg,

I think definately you should go with you're head! I too insisted on only being interested in the wrong men until my mid thirties, so i understand how you feel. I think at the time perhaps i liked the idea of rescuing them, perhaps there was some exitement in all the ups and downs and passionate make ups, or maybe i wanted them to love me enough to quit behaving like twats.

Now i just think it was down to my low self esteem, and not demanding to be treated with respect and love. When i say demanding i don't mean jumping up and down and stamping my feet like a princess, i just mean not getting involved with them in the first place! Or getting rid of them the second my instincts started telling me it wasn't right.

AS to head versus heart...do you think it really is your heart? I'm not sure if i do now. Heart suggests being in love, but is it really love when we're so attracted to someone who treats us like crap? I'm more inclined to think its lust or infatuation or probably no doubt some crap to do with the love we did't feel from our Dads when we were kids.

Whatever, it sucks doesn't it poor thing!

C x

Thanks everyone,

Nitro you're bloody brutal but you're right.

And crystalize in my rational moments I know its not really love, you're right, but its more intense and more powerful than love, which makes it harder to realise it isn't love.

Any form of close relationship seems to make me ill again. I'm up and down and sideways and basically my moods are all over the place, I'm going from hating everyone to be really happy constantly. So I have spoken to uni, I've spoken to friends and I've bought myself some breathing space to get through this storm of emotions,I'm also making that guys life hell by being a complete bitch one moment then being really nice the next.

I would be lying if I said I'm not gonna have anything to do with him any more, but I'm distancing myself, at least until I get through this bumpy patch.I don't want to lose him completely, we were really good friends to begin with.

tally, thanks for not being upset with me! I really was *not* trying to be brutal. My real concern underneath everything you said was that he could be cruel to you and I only wish for you to avoid being the target of cruelty.

Marz has a good point of dragging old baggage along into new relationships. It happens. It's not fair, but it happens. Probably the best you can do is recognize it and work at changing it.

There's an old saying I like: "I don't mind baggage, so long as it's MATCHING baggage!"

I hope this fellow recognizes you're worthy and deserving of his respect, just as a human being with feelings. There's no 'grade' on that ( e.g. 'you be nice, and then i MIGHT be nice' ). Add in that you are his girlfriend and lover, I would hope his consideration and compassion for you would escalate, not alternate

Hang in there tally, you'll be OK. Be confident in your own needs and wants, because they're as important as anyone else's and you have a right to them like anyone else.

Nitro said:

Marz has a good point of dragging old baggage along into new relationships. It happens. It's not fair, but it happens. Probably the best you can do is recognize it and work at changing it.

There's an old saying I like: "I don't mind baggage, so long as it's MATCHING baggage!"

HAHAHA!! i like that.

.

i had this dream once: i was living with my ex, (not dating her, but roommates & practically married) and dating my current girlfriend! my new girlfriend was her usual wonderful fun self, but i was so busy trying to keep my ex, who i "lived" with happy, that i was stressed out.

now that was just too obvious to need a dream interpreter!!

anyways, i have no advice... just wanted to say, i hope whoever you are with in the future that they are nice to you!

Hello folks, this will be a ramble....

People, I love people, they surprise you.

Derren, not his real name, surprised me, he gave me cuppa soups.

That sounds utterly bizarre but for someone who refuses to show any sign of emotion or sympathy or empathy, to give me 2 cuppa soups and utter the sentence "Here's two hugs-in-a-mug and here's one from me" followed by a cuddle, well it completely knocked me for six tbh.

That tiny hint of compassion was enough for me to be ok with being his mate, obviously he's gone back to being completely emotionally switched off from the world now and barely even acknowledges the fact you exist sometimes but that's ok, cos that's him and I like him.

So yeah, emotional turmoil over, back to plain old boring, steady Nat.

I know, bless. They actually ran a story on the news about Andy Murray crying and seeing if people's perception of him had changed. He's not very popular in the UK, probably cos he wins, we like them to be gentleman but ultimately lose every single time.

I'm sure he'll do it next time, I think he's gonna get a grand slam soon.

Come on Andy!!!!!