This essay was produced in a successful effort to drive out the homophobic demon in me. What follows is my self-introspection on the need for judgement based on sexual identity and orientation.
Now, you might have guessed by the title of this piece, that I am a man. Of course, I'm discounting the fact that you might be a stupid bastard when I presume that. Well, now that we have settled that and I have used my favourite Python-esque (more Graham Chpaman-esque) phrase, let's get on with it. Now, men of old have been the dominant creatures in our society. At least they have perception of being the alpha dog in the household but in the end it is after all "Caroline" who gets the "camembert". However, alpha dog or not, men do tend to present a macho facade of bravado and chivalry, which usually is quite a farce, take it from me. It is but a feeble attempt to impress other men. Yes, not women, men. Men are least bothered with a woman's perception of their masculinity. After all, what do women know about it? No, men simply want to have the biggest dick in the room. That is our idea of masculinity. Simple as that. Are you mocking me? You have offended my honour. Let's duel. My sword is bigger, so perhaps you'd like to reconsider. That's what it's all about. A few inches (or quite a few, depending on how gifted you are) of boneless muscle tissue seemingly reigns supreme in our struggle for survival. Now, it would seem that having a large penis would bestow upon you the right to use the world and its populace as minions of your personal fiefdom. But, no. Men need to brag about it. We need to peep over the urinal next to us and smirk/sink at the next man's fortune/misfortune. This tends to make us quite savage and alienates us from our feminine side. Yes we have a side which embraces love, passion and delicacy but we dare not show it lest the size of our organ comes into question. You might question now, why am i ranting on about penises? I simply object to its presence. I do not mean that literally. Although I wish sometimes I had been born a female member of our species, but that's neither here nor there and status quo is just fine. I object to the philosophy that men should be judged for being men at all. Why should we have to proclaim our masculinity to the world? Why can't I like and admire other men for their various achievements without feeling guilty or without hiding behind a curtain of anonymity. Why can't I become a member of the Sherlock fandom, even if it is about Johnlock or some other slash fantasies simply because the level of literature presented in these fan fics is of a superlative standard. They emotionally affect you to the point of bringing you to tears. If a heterosexual relationship can be beautiful, why can't I look at a homosexual relationship in the same way? Professing that I view all people equally and then saying, "oh I don't want to be moved by this love just because it's not between a man and a woman" just makes me a phony. Milk is a beautiful movie. So why can't I shout it out to the world instead of chugging beer and rambling on about how blood rushed to my head when I imagined Jessica Alba fumbling with the vibrator under her skirt in The Ugly Truth. I like women in dresses or without them. Sometimes, I like the dress itself. They are often works of art. Sometimes, I like the curtain pattern with flowers on it. Sometimes, I think some men are truly gorgeous. Sometimes, I am afraid that girls might think that I would never be interested in going out with them because I think that they might think I'm gay after seeing my posts. Tough luck to me, but some things have to be said.
So let's get this straight, I may not be gay, but it's time I came out. It is time for me to view the world with two eyes instead of just one. It's time to let fear flee for a change.