I never worked in actual retail, but I did work in a water park for four years, which was interesting. I was in Food and Beverage, and I could never believe how important food was to these people. I mean, you come to a water park presumably to swim, so how can food be the most important part of your day?
The restaurant I worked in for three or those summers was basically made up of teenagers burning cheeseburgers and mozzarella sticks, and if you have any common sense at all, you KNOW that when you walk up to a place like that, a) your choices are limited, b) the food's probably going to suck, c) that it is not a five star establishment.
So WHY do people feel like they can order three extra cups of nacho cheese, or a sprinkling of onions on the side, or a half cup of fries for half the price? You know what: if you wanted the gourmet luxury of McDonald's, there's one right down the street. And don't yell at me about it, because I didn't cook it anyway.
Actually, I know why customers act that way: they're fucking stupid. Really.
1) "How much does this cost?"
Me: "I don't know, but the huge-ass MENU says (as I turn around and read it in front of them)"
2) "I had to wait an HOUR to order!"
Me: (in my head, of course) "No, you didn't HAVE to wait an hour, you CHOSE to get in line when it was a mile long. Come back in a little while when we're bored out of our minds cleaning."
3) "How could you lose my order? Just look at your computers!"
Me: "What computers? I know your entire career has been spent working in upscale establishments such as KFC, but our shack was not blessed with such technology. Perhaps your receipt got lost in the midst of 50 others on the counter being worked by 15-year-olds."
4) "Make my burger medium-rare."
Me: "Yeah, we'll get right on that. Our trained chefs will treat your meal with the utmost care. Seriously, do ask for that at any other fast food place?"
5) "I want thirty hot dogs and thirty fries ready at 12:30 (even though it's like 11:00)
Me: "Okay, we'll totally remember that for an hour and a half, and we won't say a word when you come back and bitch about everything being cold. We are not the catering kitchen, and we suggest you call them for your large ordering needs."
6) "Can I have six cheese fries?"
Me: "Sure, even though our window is three quarters of the way down, it's 6:00, we're ready to go home, and the fryers are off. No problem.
And my personal favorite...
"I want a medium drink, half Sprite, half Hawaiian Punch/water/lemonade."
I am not a bartender, and you're fucking weird.
People feel so tough when they pick on high school kids who are terrified of being fired on the spot.
The thing is, people are allowed to bring whatever they want into the park, so when they complain about the quality and price of the food, it doesn't make any sense. Bring your own stuff if you're so fucking picky. And most of your fat asses don't need anything generated in a fryer.
The good thing is, I'm 75% sure I don't have to go back for summer number five. Getting out of there is kind of a big deal, like getting out of the ghetto. And because I've worked there, I now know a lot about the GED and the Juvenile Detention system.
Open to suggestions as to what my sig should consist of...