Dear Prime Minister in Infamy,
After speaking with the publishers of our well regarded magazine about your recent claim, we have decided it is well worth considering and, if we choose to publish it in our next volume, will let you know shortly.
I regret I am no master criminal, but only an insincere, humble historian. I was hoping, perhaps, your tendency to assert yourself through filthy lucre would include a little batch of it thrown my way. As I am the one who will be charged to write about your family's undeinable ties to Mr.Wilde, I'm sure you can see to what benefit you'd gain by encouraging me in a positive manner.
In any event, we have a special section in our magazine titled thusly: "The Purient Interests and Activities of Historical Persons You May or May Not Have Heard Of". This is easily our most popular section amongst our readership which is, as you know and marketing surveys tell us, primarily made up of notable, credible, highly educated, very pointy headed people in the demanding and stressful field of Human Sciences known as History.
"History". Pardon me indulging myself in redundancy, but the word escapes my lips with a fluidity and whisperyness that leaves me trembling.
Please have your staff continue to notify us of any additional findings in regards to Oscar Wilde. We are greatly and gravely interested.
Alan Smithie, PhD, OCD, PMP, und POD