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tito


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Posted Mon Nov 9th, 2009 6:05pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Dear Odd Alan,

Mr Wilde was a distant cousin of My great Aunt's, Neighbour's, Employer's, Mother.

It has been passed down through the family and is TRUE that Mr Wilde would disguise himself as Whistler's Mother and gain entry to Nursing homes ILLEGALLY to obtain bed-baths by this CRUEL DECEPTION.

So there,

Yours just Wilde!

The Prime Minster.


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tito


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Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 5:32pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

P.S. I only ever bribe master criminals. Does this help?


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Nitro


Member

Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 7:27pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Dear Prime Minister in Infamy,

After speaking with the publishers of our well regarded magazine about your recent claim, we have decided it is well worth considering and, if we choose to publish it in our next volume, will let you know shortly.

I regret I am no master criminal, but only an insincere, humble historian. I was hoping, perhaps, your tendency to assert yourself through filthy lucre would include a little batch of it thrown my way. As I am the one who will be charged to write about your family's undeinable ties to Mr.Wilde, I'm sure you can see to what benefit you'd gain by encouraging me in a positive manner.

In any event, we have a special section in our magazine titled thusly: "The Purient Interests and Activities of Historical Persons You May or May Not Have Heard Of". This is easily our most popular section amongst our readership which is, as you know and marketing surveys tell us, primarily made up of notable, credible, highly educated, very pointy headed people in the demanding and stressful field of Human Sciences known as History.

"History". Pardon me indulging myself in redundancy, but the word escapes my lips with a fluidity and whisperyness that leaves me trembling.

Please have your staff continue to notify us of any additional findings in regards to Oscar Wilde. We are greatly and gravely interested.

Cheery-O's,
Alan Smithie, PhD, OCD, PMP, und POD

Really? Wow.

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tito


Member *

Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 7:59pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Dear PODAlan, OCD,

I have today had a good long look in my drawers and have found a few interesting things.

Alarming too in some cases!

But I have found a series of letters written by Mr Wilde to various persons.

Here is one which is true and not a fake in any way:

To Bram Stoker:

Dear Bram,

You're writing about a what? A frikking vampire? You can't be serious?

Oh, you'll get nowhere with that!

Love Oscar

I would very much like to contribute to your magazine as my grasp on history is like nobody else's I have ever met.

I can do you a piece on that misunderstood humanitarian Attila The Hun.

Yours histrionically

Prime Infamy


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quantumofire


Member

Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 10:28pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

I have recently learned, through madame nostrum, my medium, and via her spirit guide Felix, who keeps my up to date with what will be in next season in toiletries, that Oscar Wilde once wrestled a squid in the serpentine while reciting roll out barrel. He rescued two turbot and an eel, for which gladstone granted him with a lifetime supply of marmite and wire coat hangers.

All this came right from the turbots mouth, via Felix of course, as throughout the seance I smelt the distinct odour of Charlie, which I know is definitely next years must have fragrance.

I am currently working on a fraught dramatisation of this event for channel no 5.

http://quantumofire.blogspot.com/

Breaking contradictions in his mind was, to him, like walking through a winter forest snapping twigs underfoot.

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tito


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Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 10:30pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Is this true?


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quantumofire


Member

Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 10:43pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Of course. Recently a container ship containing Charlie, bound for blighty, was hijacked by Somalian pirates...

And now they all GORGEOUS.

http://quantumofire.blogspot.com/

Breaking contradictions in his mind was, to him, like walking through a winter forest snapping twigs underfoot.

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tito


Member *

Posted Tue Nov 10th, 2009 10:57pm Post subject: Calling Wilde Experts

Dear Sir,

I would like to thank you for providing this evidence. Whenever I hear the song 'Roll out the barrel' I will think of squid wrestling.

Yours without Marmite

Minister of Infamy


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