It's a little embarrassing, but I've kind of, sort of changed my name to 'Clive' on the forums, LOL 
It just seemed to fit better than 'mercycroft,' what with my going all masculine and whatnot 
I also think that this topic should really be about more than this... Eargh, eeeeh, aaargh, errrr....
So I'm going to flesh it out with:
The Destruction of Sennacherib, re-written for rodents
The Syrian hamster came down like a wolf on the fold
And his nose it was pink and his fur it was gold
And the sheen of his teeth was like hard burnished steel
And he ran very fast on his red plastic wheel.
Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
His sawdust was fresh, lemon-scented and clean
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
Were his small wooden chew toys and mineral stone.
And he stuffed his cheeks full with Brazil nuts and corn
And ate all his live young and those that were stillborn
And he washed his small face with his tiny pink paws
And wouldn't sit still while we trimmed off his claws.
And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the extra-long loo roll we put in last week
Has been chewed all to ribbons and stuffed in his cheek.
'Never trust a man in a blue trench coat,
Never drive a car when you're dead.'
(Telephone Call From Istanbul, Tom Waits)
I chose Clive I have to admit because of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's Derek & Clive - my sister and I used to call each other Derek and Clive during our younger, insufferably pretentious years, lol! I'm ashamed to say that there's probably even a tape somewhere of us improvising our own Get the Horn style comedy, eeek 
