Composers of evergreen X-mas tunes become filthy rich.
I need a musician to set music to these lyrics, for something we have all longed for: A post Christmas tune to be played incessantly the week after the Yuletide.
Set these words to music and e-mail me the resulting sound file. Remember to give it a Christmassy feel.
dex@dextervandango.com
(Thank God We Survived) One More Christmas
By Dexter VanDango
As you´re exchanging all those useless gifts..
and trying your best not to stay mad
just remember all the warmth and love.. and the good times that we had..
for another Christmas has come and gone.. ..and this one didn´t turn out so bad..
Thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
..Okay, Grandma´s turkey.. was as dry as Bin Ladin´s old burnoose
just like last year ..when she napalmed that 20 pound goose
and after being force-fed her plutonium fruitcake .. will our bowels ever again be loose?
But thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
Christmas time.. Christmas time.. We always get loaded on whisky and wine..
..until we frighten all our children.. yes, it really is a crime..
..But, hey.. you gotta celebrate Chrissssstmaaaaas..
While in the bosom of your family .. your cares vanish without a trace..
As you watch Uncles Ernie and Leo ..hug each other in a fond embrace
and remembering old grudges.. they punch each other in the face
but thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
So what if your brother-in-law was playing ..holier-than-thou
and bragging about his connections ..while trying to borrow yet another thou
and he was noticing your daughter´s breasts ..longer than decency allows
but thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
Christmas time Christmas time.. spend all your money til you haven´t got a dime..
dig a bottomless pit of debts.. out of which you´ll never climb
but, hey.. you gotta celebrate Chrisssstmaaaas!
So wipe that tear from your eye.. and put a smile on your face..
remember, as you vacuum pine needles ..from all over the #!*¤#* place
Uncle Louie didn´t mean to throw up on baby Jesus ..after he peed in the fireplace..
But thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
..Yes, you know before long ...our hearts again will yearn
and warm yule-tide memories will once again return
to the year when the tree caught fire ..and gave Grandpa third degree burns
but thank God we survived one more Christmas!
Yes, it was another holiday season.. filled with the usual joy
It took the kids all of a minute and a half ..to demolish all their toys..
and we sang Rudolph and Jingle Bells.. and all that other nauseating noise
but thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
No, it may not be funny.. but let us give thanks
as we´re forced to borrow money... from those high-interest #!*¤#* banks
so we won´t be dining for months.. on baked beans and franks
but thank God we survived ..one more Christmas!
Yes, Christmas time Christmas time.. spend all your money til you haven´t got a dime..
dig a bottomless pit of debts.. out of which you´ll never climb
but, hey.. you gotta celebrate Chrissstmaaaas!
So when you´re making New Year´s resolutions.. and vowing to improve..
your life ..by getting a better family ..or at least to a new town move
remember Jesus died on the cross to save us.. and for another reason, too
So he wouldn´t have to suffer one more Christmas!
Christmas time.. Christmas time.. We always get loaded on whisky and wine..
..until we frighten all our children.. yes, it really is a crime..
..But, hey.. you gotta celebrate Chrisssstmaaas..
