At the tender age of ten Darcy Copperfield was expelled from St. Peregrine’s School for Boys for writing ‘Anne of Green Gables is a nymphomaniac’ on the blackboard How times have changed, nowadays Copperfield’s observations about sex and perversion in literature are respected and salivated over worldwide. Darcy Copperfield lectures on Pornographic Writing. He lives in London and hankers to get his hands on a signed pair of Russel Brand's leather trousers. Here in these pages Darcy will give his opinion on great literature in his own inimitable way
Understanding JKK Rowlkien
J K K Rowlkien’s Lord of the Philosopher’s Ring is, on the surface, a classic fantasy tale of good over evil. Rowlkien’s central character, the young Harry Baggins, is a hubble (a non-human creature) who finds himself suddenly enrolled in Rivenwarts, an ordinary school for ordinary people.
We all know how the story goes, Harry is soon in possession of the philosopher’s Ring. Blah, blah blah. That’s all very entertaining, but it’s the underlying meaning of the work that has always intrigued me. The sexual content of Rowlkien’s masterpiece is thinly veiled in what one might refer to as a not very good invisibility cloak. For example, Baggins is always inserting his hairy, but deft finger into the Philosopher's Ring and on virtually every page we find him thrusting a Nymphus 2000 between his non-human thighs. He also has a peculiar relationship with aging hippy headmaster Professor Gandledore, played by the excellent Richard E Grunt in the feature film.
Rowlkien sets out to illustrate Baggins’ sexual leanings by having him come out of the closet-under-the-stairs-that-lead-to-the-shire so early in the book. The Lord of the Philosopher’s Ring is a work bestrewn with phallic symbolism and erotic metaphors.
Stripped of his powers, the villain of the piece, Lord Gollumort takes up residence in the sweaty loin cloth of Bilbo Quimble, Rivenwarts’ IT teacher, and it is when this is removed, (look out for one of the most erotic pieces of writing ever) that the strange scar of Harry Baggins’ foreskin goes red.
My erotic rating? XXXX
Jane Eyre Unbuttoned
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Eyre is probably one of the most misunderstood writers of all time.People, even those you’d think would know better, constantly muddle her up with Fanny Burney, or think, wrongly I must stress, that she wrote Middlemarch and was a man.
Jane Eyre is the supposedly prim little genius who wrote the famous frock frolic in which the snobby Heathcliff gets, eventually, to marry Elizabeth. But where’s the sex you ask? There’s plenty of it I can assure you. When the Vicar of Ambridge points out that Lady Catherine Deneuve of Rosings Park has several staircases he’s doing it to let the reader know that Heathcliff will be hotfooting it up one of them to get to Miss Bennet's boudoir. By that time he’s already smitten with the comely country girl and has, no doubt, already dallied with her day bonnet on more than one occasion. Remember how he said her eyes were brightened by exercise? Well how could he know? And what form of exercise does the eminent Mr Heathcliff, of Wildfell Hall, enjoy? Put it this way, he’s not described as proud and upright for nothing. Need I say more? Not really but I will. Heathcliff is clearly not the innocent we like to think him, after all, he’s got a mad wife locked away in the attic. What turned her crazy I’d like to know. And how does he pay Grace Poole? There’s never any mention of her getting her wages and it’s Eyre’s omission of the facts that leads me to deduce that Grace was in receipt of more than a handful of thr’pennies. An erotic book? If you take out all the ‘Pray tell me’s’ and substitute the phrase ‘afternoon tea’ with a ‘good hard humping’ it most certainly is. My erotica rating? XXX
I hope you enjoy my ramblings.