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Red Raven


Member

Posted Sun Jan 6th, 2008 7:59am Post subject: Dear me
You have prided yourself on common sense since you were a child and yet, you can't take a friggin walk without flipping out!

You want to talk a walk around the lake so you put the mutt on a leash and start walking. Big step since you've been putting it off a whole year. Of course, since you were so afraid you would back out you didn't dress appropriately and froze your butt off, but that's ok. At least you made it, right? You got to the trail and you started walking down it. But then you let your mind wander. Between watching the ducks and listening to the ice slush in the currents you let the fear and paranoia get to you. You started thinking about the odds that a man would jump out of the woods to hurt you. So you started looking over your shoulder. When the man passed on the bike you said hi, hoping that it would deter him. He didn't want to hurt you. Even if he did you could have taken him. Why else did you study Ju Jitsu? You are trained to defend yourself and yet you let the fear get to you. You got a mile out through sheer determination before you started thinking again. "What if he goes to get his friends, what if they meet me from the other side, what if I can't fight them all off. What if they can't identify my body later. What if, what if, what if." So you cut it short and went back in the same direction hoping they wouldn't be between you and the car waiting for you.

Nice try. Better luck next time you paranoid freak!

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flookwit


Member

Posted Sun Jan 6th, 2008 8:38am Post subject: Dear me
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Red Raven


Member

Posted Sun Jan 6th, 2008 4:30pm Post subject: Dear me
Thank Fookwit, that was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

Paranoia is something I can't shake no matter how hard I try. It doesn't just affect my outdoor activities, it also screws with my familial relationships and job. It affects trust. It's a pain in the arse!

I wonder what happened to the bad ass person I used to be...

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flookwit


Member

Posted Mon Jan 7th, 2008 12:37pm Post subject: Dear me
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Red Raven


Member

Posted Mon Jan 7th, 2008 1:12pm Post subject: Dear me
No way, I'M the ultimate thread killer. Have been for years. And it's not just threads, it's everything, you know? Like, if I don't hear from a friend for a while or if I leave a voicemail or send an email and never hear back. Or if I log in to Skype and no one says hi...should I say hi? Do they want to be left alone? Obviously they don't want to talk to me. Yadda yadda! And half the time I do say hello...I never get a response. When I do the conversation stops and it's usually right after I've said something.

It gets old. I'm tired of it. I just want to see things AS THEY ARE.

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