@ Joan - yes you are completely right in saying that "things change in the end".
2009 was by far the worst year of my life to date. I had separated from my husband, did not have my 3 sons with me all the time, and had just come out of hospital after a 14 week stint. Yes you read that correctly 14 weeks. Not good. I had infact become institutionalised. I only felt safe in that damn hospital ward. Sad but true.
Anyway it was time for me to be discharged and begin to live on my own for the first time in my life! I was terrified. To cut a long story short, depression consumed me for 18 months. I had no interest/enjoyment in anything. Nothing seemed worth the effort. Nothing.
I could not even get out of my bed in the mornings. I often had to call my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and tell her for the upteenth time that week "Linda, I cannot get out of my bed..." God knows what I was expecting her to do. I would say the hardest thing to deal with was not having my boys with me 24/7. We had shared custody; so the days I did not have them well I guess I did not feel like a mother.
The black cloud followed me and tormented me every minute of the day. I actually dreaded bed time because I knew how bad I was going to feel in the morning. What a vicious circle to be in. In 2009 alone I had around 6 hospital admission through severe depression.
I am in a better place now, a much better, happier place. One morning in April 2010 I felt good again. Got out of bed no problem, and felt content and happy.
The same can happen for you:) I hope it does. Depression is a terrible thing. My family were no support to me at all during this very bad time. I have since disowned them. Enough is enough. If your family cannot be there for their own flesh and blood in the time of a crisis, then what is the point in them being there at all??
There will be light at the end of the tunnel for you, Joan. Believe in that.
"This is me - don't try and change it..."