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Bip


Member

Posted Mon Mar 12th, 2012 10:18am Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Hi, this is my first post.

I have been diagnosed with depression since my teens but I seem to have huge highs and lows, such a massive difference between the two. I am irritable, short tempered, though my sleep is never affected I do become lethargic and lose my lust for life (non suicidal just that 'can't be arsed' attitude)

In short, I feel like poo. I'm on sertraline 50mg, and they do ok, but I just can't shake this feeling off that its more than depression. I'm far too scared to go to the doctors, I don't want to be put in a secure unit. I have 2 kids, on my own and I worry they'll think I'm a terrible mum.

I'm not suicidal, I've always somehow got this little spark of life deep inside me telling me that life always gets better.

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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michael


Member

Posted Wed Mar 14th, 2012 1:55am Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Hi Bip!

You sound like you have a good sense of when you need to make a change or look for some help. That's great!

You may not necessarily be bipolar, sometimes meds can change how depression "feels"... if that makes sense... and I do think that even in "unipolar" depression there are different kinds of depressions that feel different.

Regardless, don't give in to the POO. Check in with a doc about what's up. As far as I can tell from what you say in your post, there's no reason for anyone to put you somewhere you don't want to be. Have you had to be in that situation before?

Have you given a heads-up to a sig. other or family member or friend, so they can kinda keep an eye out in case it goes lower than this? Maybe they could go to the doc with you?

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Bip


Member

Posted Wed Mar 14th, 2012 12:12pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Hi Michael

Thanks for your reply.
I've told my mum who is brilliant she wil always tell me if she thinks I'm going downhill again. Being at a low point is so hard. The part where I am on a high and suddenly just seem to drop into an abyss seems to hit me hearder each time. Over the years its seemed to have got worse - or not, perhaps I am quite self aware so it feels a lot worse than it used to...?
The doctors where I live tend to be blasé about mental health. They don't want to deal with it, and seem to brush it under the carpet with meds, which is fine to a point. I ended up having counselling to help myself, which I paid for privately because the waiting list was 6 months. I spent over £500 on therapy before I realised it wasn't doing much good.

Does exercise really help with depression/bipolar? I moved to Spain to seek sunshine (good for the soul I believe) I just need to keep an even keel.

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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Frazzy


Member

Posted Wed Mar 14th, 2012 6:21pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

As the mentally fucked up child, of a mentally fucked up mother, I have to tell you, you're kids won't hate you.
I didn't think my mother was a bad mother until I was 23, and she still hadn't gotten help, and wouldn't talk about the bad things I recall happening as a child, or talk about the terrible things I was told when I was far too young to hear such things, and I needed her help to get me help, and she couldn't do it.
I thought she was awesome, until I met someone who really was awesome, who helped me deal with shit, and helped me ask my mum about things I remember that she won't talk about.... but she still won't talk.. and she won't admit her mistakes, and she lies about things that happened,, and that's all I'm angry at..
Honestly you won't get put in a secure ward unless you are very very obviously a danger to yourself or someone else. There just isn't the space. Fearing being taken away from caring for your children is a good sign.
I think about crushing peoples skulls, slowly, in a vice, all the time, and have admitted such, to a psychologist, yet still roam free, because I also know crushing skulls isn't very nice, and am probably not actually going to do so.
Talking to a psychologist doesn't seem helpful in the beginning, but after a while, a impartial view of things does help, and if its taken away, you do miss it...
and yes, exercise does help,( I say, with a fucked up knee, barely moving from my computer) particularly in a nice setting, a nice beach, or park, I would not recommend a gym,..
Do you have a dog? walking a dog is awesome, exercise plus cute little wagging tail.. when I'm walking my dog, I'm happy, my knee hurts like ..very... hurty...things... but his little ears are bouncing, and his tail is wagging, and everything is interesting to him... SNIFF ALL THE THINGS it really makes me feel better, though I never want to go anywhere.. but just going for a walk, does make me feel mentally better, even with the horrendous pain in my leg... though it may just be the adorable bouncing of my dogs ears... also watch comedy, and do fun stuff.. eat ice creams. Fry and Laurie, dogs(or cats or gerbils or whatever), ice creams, cuddles and whatever music you're into is a recipe for not nose diving of nearest tall building... It's good that you can talk to you're mum, I only talk to mine in mothers day, christmas, her birthday and my birthday, all of which, I get quite, quite drunk for,...
Personally, I really hate sunshine. I like cloudy days, and rain, lots of rain, but not being cold..missing the tropics like mad... I'd just follow the monsoons if I could.. up and down the tropics..
I'd have a home in Paramaribo, just cos I like the name...


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Bip


Member

Posted Wed Mar 14th, 2012 11:04pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Thanks Frazzy. Your post made me giggle. What about Antananarivo? That sounds good too.

I think depression is so hard to deal with. Some days I'm ok and others I just feel like a bottomless pit. The summer is coming now, I love soaking it up. I hate gyms too. They're full of gorgeous people trying to burst a blood vessel.

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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Frazzy


Member

Posted Thu Mar 15th, 2012 1:16pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Antananarivo is a good name too.. But in my head I hear people replying with annoying references to the dreamworks film, when I announce I'm moving to Madagascar... ugh. And in Suriname I could have a pet Toucan!
I've never actually been to a gym, but I imagine it to be full of the sorts of people who threw basketballs at my head in PE at school, only now they are much older, and larger, and have learnt many, many more ways to treat people badly.. And paying to exercise seems a bit like paying to breathe...
Ouagadougou is quite good too, but I don't think I really want to live there..


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Bip


Member

Posted Thu Mar 15th, 2012 4:47pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Your posts have thoroughly cheered me up, thank you!

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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michael


Member

Posted Fri Mar 16th, 2012 4:22pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Bip said:
Hi Michael

Thanks for your reply.
I've told my mum who is brilliant she wil always tell me if she thinks I'm going downhill again. Being at a low point is so hard. The part where I am on a high and suddenly just seem to drop into an abyss seems to hit me hearder each time. Over the years its seemed to have got worse - or not, perhaps I am quite self aware so it feels a lot worse than it used to...?
The doctors where I live tend to be blasé about mental health. They don't want to deal with it, and seem to brush it under the carpet with meds, which is fine to a point. I ended up having counselling to help myself, which I paid for privately because the waiting list was 6 months. I spent over £500 on therapy before I realised it wasn't doing much good.

Does exercise really help with depression/bipolar? I moved to Spain to seek sunshine (good for the soul I believe) I just need to keep an even keel.

yeah exercise helps me a lot. it takes awhile to kick in probly but very worth it.

it needs to be something i actually enjoy to work, i like riding a bicycle. There's a bike trail here that goes out from the city into the horse farms. i hafta go the first couple miles talking myself into it. then after 10 minutes i'm thinking "well this is fabulous." and glad i went.

walking is good too. i have given in to going to gyms in bad weather but ya, it's not the best. it feels totally weird to be moving and in once place the whole time.

around here there are a bamillion basketball hoops around town... in parks, in alleys, on trees... and i like to go and shoot baskets, even tho i don't play and i miss 90% of the time. It's outside, (there's one that a hawk hangs out by!) my brain thinks about something different, and i can do it fast or slow.

did you move recently, or a while back? what kinds of things do people do in spain for exercise?? i'm imagining some kind of interesting local-color outdoor game you could learn just for kicks... there's something about learning new things that helps with depression too. music, languages, etc...

good to hear your mom is a good resource of help!

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Bip


Member

Posted Fri Mar 16th, 2012 5:55pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Hi Michael,

I walked an 8km round trip today. I did the same last Friday with my 2 year old son in his buggy. Sunshine was lovely and warm. It does make me feel good actually though my feet were sore after.

I don't much like the gym. I quite like Frazzy's suggestion of getting a dog but having 2 kids under 10 and on my own too, really isn't an option. I love dogs though. I play guitar, but don't have one at the moment. I would love to buy a new one.

Where in the world are you?

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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Frazzy


Member

Posted Sat Mar 17th, 2012 4:11pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Yay for guitars. I have a guitar, banjo, keyboard, and a harmonica.
The dog hates the harmonica though, or maybe he loves it and is just a really terrible singer, I'm not really sure..
As for dogs and little kids, depends on the dog, and the kids..
I always had a dog, which was great, as I rarely had human friends..
It's too hilly here for me to walk much.. I miss living on flat ground.. also we have one of those neighbours who's always peering out windows at you, or worse coming over and talking to you when they see you, which is all good and friendly for the first 2 minutes, after which you're just trying to escape from a boring conversation about lawn, or uninformed waffle about whatever random minority was on the news last night..


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michael


Member

Posted Sun Mar 18th, 2012 3:37am Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Bip said:
Hi Michael,

I walked an 8km round trip today. I did the same last Friday with my 2 year old son in his buggy. Sunshine was lovely and warm. It does make me feel good actually though my feet were sore after.

I don't much like the gym. I quite like Frazzy's suggestion of getting a dog but having 2 kids under 10 and on my own too, really isn't an option. I love dogs though. I play guitar, but don't have one at the moment. I would love to buy a new one.

Where in the world are you?

Lexington, Kentucky.

The walk sounds really nice!
Is it hard to find the time to get exercise being a mom of two?
(I'd bet so...)

What about a trampoline?

Just kidding...tho, I spose one could add it to the list of potential-depression-cures-to-try-out , LOL!

Hey Frazz, I have a banjo, too. That was part of what really helped me through a bad episode. I also have a baritone ukulele that I got for free from a pal.

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Frazzy


Member

Posted Sun Mar 18th, 2012 3:53pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

I'd get a trampoline if we didn't live on a hill... and had high fences. Everyone up the street can see into the yard, and I really don't need to seem any more strange..


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michael


Member

Posted Wed Mar 21st, 2012 1:04am Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

Understandable, Frazz!

And I think you could write any sentence that begins "I'd get a trampoline if I didn't..." and it would be hilarious...

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Frazzy


Member

Posted Wed Mar 21st, 2012 1:42am Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

"I'd get a trampoline if I didn't kill Jews and drown kittens" is not terribly funny, assuming you're serious, which, obviously, I always am. Though I'm not sure how those thing prevent you from getting a trampoline. They must though, my mother drowns kittens, and she doesn't have a trampoline, and as far as I know nor did Hitler. Did Hitler like kittens?
Very high ceilings and and indoor trampoline would be ideal really..
Cheering up thing of the day. Sprinkles on coffee.. A bit of ice cream melted in it helps keep the sprinkles on top... Pretty coffee! actually I just wanted an ice cream and a coffee, but I couldn't carry both, and didn't want to make the trip to the kitchen and back twice... the chocolate syrup was a bad idea though, it sank to the bottom and the last bit was horribly, eye-twitch causingly sweet.
Is "causingly' a word? It should be.


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Bip


Member

Posted Tue Mar 27th, 2012 9:54pm Post subject: Depression or Bipolar? Not sure.

I don't think Hitler liked kittens. He was a vegetarian.

Bip

No idea behind the name. Just short and sweet. Not like me at all actually. ;-)

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