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Posted Wed May 6th, 2009 10:21am Post subject: don't rant, chortle
My plan for a long life is this:

Pick a nasty spiteful topic, one that grounds you down into the dirt and then with every fibre of your soul... chortle at it. It works for me, although especially when I add a dab of sarcasm, a knob of parody, and a sweet fling of satire.

Topics that I have chosen in the past include:

Hairspray - decidedly uncool, very sticky in all the wrong places, and very 1980s (actually isn't that decade cool again? Well, maybe only the Hoff in Knightrider and he wore a ton of the stuff).

All bright toothpaste - come on, no one can smile with so much sparkle. Although it took me ten years of brushing to work that one out.

Job interviews - they are an inexplicable necessity of life, like death, and I hate them just as much. Why can't they just ask you to send them a really good or bad joke instead of all these harsh questions which frankly I haven't got a clue how to answer. Lesson - don't confuse application forms for the creative writing section of your GCSE mock exam.


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Julia from Bristol


Posted Wed May 6th, 2009 10:32am Post subject: don't rant, chortle
Sounds a great idea FPC!
Perhaps we could build a vocabulary for people to use!
I'll start my list of topics & get back to you!

I have a cunning plan!

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Posted Wed May 6th, 2009 12:17pm Post subject: don't rant, chortle
Job interviews - yukkkkkkk

I remember my last one - years ago. It was a firm with 'International' in the title, so I brought my German language qualifications, even though it was just a bookkeeping job, As soon as I realised the owner/boss was Jewish, I tried to hide the German ones. Trouble was, they were the ones he needed, because they had a whole load of German and also French correspondence that needed translating.

He saw them and grabbed them, while I thought - "oh well, that's it." By then I was so nervous I told some jokes - about racists - they went down well, actually, and I got the job. I did realise I'd broken just about every rule of interviews though.

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