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Vespertine


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 1:41am Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
...I'm always ignored anyway. Unless I say something unfavourable I get ignored. Every single post of mine is just washed over. So I may not say things interesting all the time like others but when I do actually offer genuine support and write a long post with my 'wisdom' so to speak noone notices and it just gets washed over. And everyone else gets a thank you and a response.

Why? I've not done anything to offend anyone here. If I should just go then tell me. I'll find somewhere else. I thought everyone cared for everyone else here. But I just get the feeling that theres me caring for everyone here, everyone caring for everyone and noone caring for me.

Perhaps I should just leave.

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 11:11am Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I'm confused. I've seen people give thanks to you for your posts. The only post of yours I've noticed that hasn't been responded to is your other Zero Room topic. You've made good contributions to the forum. I'm sure people appreciate that.

When Idon't respond to people it's because I don't know what to say or can't gte anything out. I don't post that much on the Manic-Depressive board. A lot of the time I start typing something that hit the delete button because I feel stupid.

Assuming direct control...

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acidcat


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 12:04pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Seconded.

I read your posts with great interest. I just tend to get a bit lost as to what to say. I feel that I don't have anything interesting to add, or that someone has already said my feelings first.

Your posts do provoke a (positive) response and I think the forum appreciates having you here, and it would be a real shame for everyone if you left.

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Saturn


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 12:58pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
This is classic paranoia Miranda please you're very wrong.

I know how you feel, I've been on other forums that this is the case but some topics people decide to respond to, some don't, don't take it personally.

I run my own forum exactly the same as this and even though there are about half a dozen regular members [yes sadly a 19th century Romantic poet is not as famous or well liked as M Fry!!] it could be days or more before anyone responds to anything I've written, if at all. I don;lt take that personally.

I read a lot on this forum that worries me and upsets me and some things I don;t know what to say about, or how to respond, and I'm sure a lot of others feel the same.

Just because you don't get a blow by blow analysis of every sentence you've written doesn't mean no-one cares, no-one understands.

Trust me I've felt exactly the same as you many many times, but you've got to remember [no matter how much it can feel like that] that this is kind of thing is not like a conversation, it's a dialogue between many people at the same time, it's not a two-way conversation face to face with someone else.

Trust me your thoughts are very much wanted and understood.

Some you win, some you lose baby...that's how it blows.

Don't be dishearted.

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Vespertine


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 2:31pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I'm sorry everyone. I just felt so down last night I don't know what happened. I'm trying to be positive, I really am. But I'm going through a really bad time right now, but to keep myself from getting depressed I say something positive in every sentence.
Unfortunately as soon as it comes to night time I get really down. Maybe it's also cause I have S.A.D. And it's winter now.

As for the positive part of my post...


I'm 21 a week before christmas!


Thank you everyone. I really love you all sometimes.

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Saturn


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 2:37pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Oh dear what has happened?

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Vespertine


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 3:35pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I've crashed. I was actually feeling quite positive then. But I've had it. I turned everything off. Myspace, facebook, msn. I can't deal with it anymore. I just tried talking to my new friend about my concerns over my new relationship and he didn't care at all. He was just complacent and unhelpful.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 7:01pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I've crashed. I was actually feeling quite positive then. But I've had it. I turned everything off. Myspace, facebook, msn. I can't deal with it anymore. I just tried talking to my new friend about my concerns over my new relationship and he didn't care at all. He was just complacent and unhelpful.

i'm sorry your friend wasn't listening to you, vespertine. that happens to me sometimes too, and it's really frustrating. i mean, REALLY upsetting... more than it is for some other people. i've noticed in the past year or so that something like that can just set me going like a runaway horse... and off i go, thinking everything in my life is messed up, i'm messed up, etc etc.

i hope you know that you are listened to here... and i hope your friend comes around eventually... maybe he's stuck in his own life right now?

i'm not very good at relationship advice, so i'm sorry i can't give any when you need it. :-// but i do send you my best wishes.

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whatonearth


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 7:20pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I've often felt this way about messages and so on, but I think it's a case of selective attention (ok i just made that phrase up) - I don't mean that in a critical way, I just mean that I am sure there are many other people whose posts don't always get responded to (I'm one of them!), however once you're in the mindset that you're being ignored you will always notice when other people are acknowledged and not notice when they aren't, and this is exacerbated by the fact that a lack of a response to someone's post is just an absence rather than a presence so you are much less likely to notice it unless it's your own post. Did that make sense? And as other people have said, often it's just as much a case of not knowing what to say as not wanting or caring to say anything.

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busy clippers


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 7:23pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I'm new, but everyone here is much nicer than at other forums. Dunno about others here, but sometimes I read things that are so close to home that I have to let them roll round in my head for awhile before I can think of something useful and positive to post other than, "OMG, me too!"

I read your blog, you've got some serious survivor skills and I admire that! I also like your avatar. Did you do it yourself?

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Wed Nov 28th, 2007 8:11pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
I've found on other forums I used to go on that I'd make tons of new topics (not all at once mind) with lots of stuff I wanted to discuss and only about half of them would get responded to. I'd think why? What makes people interested in this one but not that one? Then I stopped caring because I knew people were at least reading them (or at least clicking on them which you can tell by the times viewed column). I've made topics on this forum that never got responded to like the Supernatural thread (really no one here watches that?). It doesn't bother me. It's weird but I also found back when I used to hang out on several forums that I could post the exact same topic on each one and on one it would be a hectic, bustling thread full of discussion while on another forum it would die a death and not get posted in. I guess that's the thing when you're discussing something more general and not related to the subject of the forum, there's more of a chance of people not being interested in that particular subject whereas elsewhere there may be a lot or if you discuss it on a forum based on the subject well pretty much everyone would have an opinion. For instance the kind of topics that we're used to here on the Manic-Depressive board would get locked in an instant on other forums and get labelled as being 'attention whoring' or 'whiny' or more stupidly 'emo'.

I've crashed. I was actually feeling quite positive then. But I've had it. I turned everything off. Myspace, facebook, msn. I can't deal with it anymore. I just tried talking to my new friend about my concerns over my new relationship and he didn't care at all. He was just complacent and unhelpful.

i'm sorry your friend wasn't listening to you, vespertine. that happens to me sometimes too, and it's really frustrating. i mean, REALLY upsetting... more than it is for some other people. i've noticed in the past year or so that something like that can just set me going like a runaway horse... and off i go, thinking everything in my life is messed up, i'm messed up, etc etc.

i hope you know that you are listened to here... and i hope your friend comes around eventually... maybe he's stuck in his own life right now?

i'm not very good at relationship advice, so i'm sorry i can't give any when you need it. :-// but i do send you my best wishes.

Complacency drives me mad too. It happened to me fairly recently when trying to talk to my ex over the phone about how awful I was feeling. How I was losing it and he just laughed it off and didn't seem to give a damn.

Assuming direct control...

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Vespertine


Member

Posted Thu Nov 29th, 2007 12:54am Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Banjo - I finally told him how I felt. I basically just shouted at him that the impression he gives me is that he really could do without hearing it and told him that he shouldn't even bother being friends with me if he doesn't care about my opinions because I care about his all the time!
He called me up basically in tears cause he didn't understand and didn't want to lose my friendship. He doesn't understand what depression (or even mania) is like so he can't possibly know how to react to me when I'm like that. He's been my best friend for over 4 years. I can't believe I said those things to him. I must have been having one huge panic attack. I would never hurt him and today I did.

Mockingbird and others who said the same - you're absolutely right. And I know this. Deep down I know this. But it doesn't stop the demons telling me otherwise!

Gussie - I really appreciate that sentiment but in my opinion I haven't really coped with that much. There are people that go through much worse and come out practically unscathed. I don't see why I should be the one who suffered at so little. And that's where my problems started.
Yes I made my avatar myself. I took it down today after getting paranoia of people seeing my face, which is utterly ridiculous when the internet has seen me in the buff before!! X-D

Amyl - No matter how close you are to an ex there will always be that part of them (and possibly you) that thinks 'this is my ex' and any form of 'bonding' will be treated with a pinch of salt and at arms length. Sometimes it's not conscious. It's just instinct.

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Thu Nov 29th, 2007 7:29pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Amyl - No matter how close you are to an ex there will always be that part of them (and possibly you) that thinks 'this is my ex' and any form of 'bonding' will be treated with a pinch of salt and at arms length. Sometimes it's not conscious. It's just instinct.

At the time of the phone conversation we hadn't split up but it was shortly before. Our relationship just wasn't working by that point and he was probably wanting to end it as much as I was at the time of the phone call. I couldn't go on like that. I tried talking to him about call again after we split and he listened this time. It still feels a bit weird not being with him. We'd been together nearly six years. But I do not feel sad at all. The opposite actually.

Assuming direct control...

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Thu Nov 29th, 2007 11:10pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Amyl - No matter how close you are to an ex there will always be that part of them (and possibly you) that thinks 'this is my ex' and any form of 'bonding' will be treated with a pinch of salt and at arms length. Sometimes it's not conscious. It's just instinct.

At the time of the phone conversation we hadn't split up but it was shortly before. Our relationship just wasn't working by that point and he was probably wanting to end it as much as I was at the time of the phone call. I couldn't go on like that. I tried talking to him about call again after we split and he listened this time. It still feels a bit weird not being with him. We'd been together nearly six years. But I do not feel sad at all. The opposite actually.

In a positive way, amyl, it might have been time for it to end - which is shown in your own reaction of not feeling sad about it. For whatever reason some relationships change into something else; friends into lovers, Lovers into friends, Lovers into enemies... some even work better when they change, some dont. You may turn out to be great friends in time, him supportive of you and you supportive of him. He may start to sit up and listen more aswell when he realises you arnt always there... hopefully it will work out for ya in the positive x

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seasun545


Member

Posted Fri Nov 30th, 2007 7:30pm Post subject: Don't suppose anyone will take any notice...
Hi Vespertine,
Oh, my computer has been "out of order" for a few days and I´m now reading new topics...I´ve felt touched by your first post dear. I do feel the same sometimes, but I know is my down mood speaking as yours...please, be sure I love to read your posts, you know it. The moment you need to be listened or chatting, please tell, we are here for that, we all support each others sometimes, that´s the lovely thing about this place and someting to take care of. I´m glad you wrote it, anyway, cause now we can show you how we care. I feel the same sometimes, I would just start a topic saying: Hi.....help!, but use to be ashamed and think nobody cares and feel stupid...

So sorry you´re feeling down, I don´t know what to say, I´m a dissaster with relationships and friends. I tell myself It must be hard for people to understand our mood swings Sometimes we need a kind of help that is very special and people don´t understand and drives us mad and frustrated. Is just they don´t know, they just can´t, more each day I´m aware of it. Wish I had a magic wand to make people feel for just 10 minutes the way I feel when I have a panic attack of the pressing need to die. We are lucky to have this place to share those feelings.

Well, hope you´re feeling better by now, I´ll be thinking of you...have a nice weekend dear
xoxoxoxox

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