Thats the question im asking myself every minuite of every hour, every hour of every day. I am simply existing... i get up, shower, and wait... i clock watch, every minuite, every hour just waiting for the day to go. Sure i go to work, i do my job to my best ability, then i come home and cant wait for the day to end.For the next one to come and for it to end as soon as possible.
If i could speak to Stephen right now, i would ask him how.. how, what, when and where... how did he keep going, how has he coped with bipolar? Im 21, and i cant wait for this existence to be over.Im not a freaky fan, nor am i looking for draw attention, im no victim or anything.. i just have questions and i feel pretty alone right now.
My 21st birthday just passed, and i couldnt even turn up to it.. i just made sure everyone else was happy - but me, well.. i went to bed.
I know we make life choices, and some argue we can chose to be a victim, or get off our as and make a go of what we have got. I would like you to go back to your last hangover, remember that morning when you lifted your head off the pillow and the room span, the nausea kicked in. You tossed and turned in bed trying to take the pressure away and keeping one leg out to stay cool, but neither when you lay on your side, back or front did it go away. You took a shower but it was still there.. well, this is a bit like how it feels when you are depressed... its not about a life choice, an attention seeking behaviour.. its that bloody hangover you cannot shift when you toss and turn in bed.
If anyone has anything to talk about, advice or even just a chat.. its a pretty lonely place. No psychiatrist can fully apprectiate, no matter how much literature they have read the reality of living with bipolar. Dont worry, im not a freaky depressive fan or anything.. im just ellie, 21 year old me... i like commedy and cheese cake like any other girl.
I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder, and in response to Stephen... Would i press that button, HELL YEAH! :O(
--> Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.. in that case if you do offend them you have got their shoes and you a mile away from them! bah hah! ;o) xx