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Gravesy


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 3:52pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6583067.stm

Sheryl Crow is urging us to use less toilet paper. Three squares is the absolute maximum. While I don't want to get into things scatalogical three squares would barely keep my hand clean let alone do the whole job.

Am I missing a trick here or is there a new way to wipe that I have been previously unware of?

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ClareBear


Moderator

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 4:05pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
COMFIPOO!

...with rotating cleaning brush

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Gravesy


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 4:06pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
COMFIPOO!

...with rotating cleaning brush

Can we expect to see you on Dragons Den in the very near future?

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ClareBear


Moderator

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 4:08pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
Alas, messrs Fry and Laurie already hold the rights to it.

Can't remember which series though.

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Soupy Twist


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 4:24pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
Series 4 if I remember correctly.

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trouser material


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 4:31pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
COMFIPOO!

...with rotating cleaning brush

Can we expect to see you on Dragons Den in the very near future?

X-D I read that as "Can we expect to see your Dragons Den in the very near future?", using the term 'dragon's den' as a moniker for the unmentionable area around the back. Good lord. X-D

On the subject of lavatories, i'm very rarely polished off before using a dozen pieces. Or my pet cat's back, whichever is closest.

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Gravesy


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 3:40pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
X-D I read that as "Can we expect to see your Dragons Den in the very near future?", using the term 'dragon's den' as a moniker for the unmentionable area around the back. Good lord. X-D


An excellent point trouser. I'll leave you to ask Atari the question (but let me know ;))


On the subject of lavatories, i'm very rarely polished off before using a dozen pieces. Or my pet cat's back, whichever is closest.

The joy of having small children means a packet of wet wipes in the bathroom, resulting in much less wiping by traditional means.

Should we ever get cats again I'll be sure to put your method to use. It'll be interesting to see them cleaning themselves after that.

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ClareBear


Moderator

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 3:47pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
Eww!

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Soupy Twist


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 3:54pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house

Should we ever get cats again I'll be sure to put your method to use. It'll be interesting to see them cleaning themselves after that.

I see two disadvantages:
- all that cat hair. I fear itchiness and discomfort in the private place.
- too much wrestling. Their claws will inevitably mutilate my buttocks. Discomfort again.

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Gravesy


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 4:02pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house

- too much wrestling. Their claws will inevitably mutilate my buttocks. Discomfort again.

Good god, I hadn't thought if that. I fear that the cats might find something else to insterest themselves down there.

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trouser material


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 5:52pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
Bleeding balls. I get round this problem by filing my cats claws down to the pad. I should probably stop talking now...............

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melampus


Member

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 4:37am Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
I think Ms Crow is being positively extravagant! As Adrian says in 'The Liar', "Two sheets of lavatory paper is all it takes. One to wipe and one to polish."

Of course, that depends on the ply/thickness/absorbancy of the paper. If the paper is two ply, well, two sheets = 4 sheets really. But then of course you have to factor in whether you're a folder or a scruncher.

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trouser material


Member

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 7:51am Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
It also depends on the consistency of the faeca. If it's the bone dry, granite like example, one wipe is narely required. However, if its the rather squidge-like, peanut-butter resembling stool, this can take up to a score to achieve that real 'good to go' finish.

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Gravesy


Member

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 12:21pm Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
I pee more than I poo and I don't use tp after go for a jimmy riddle (the waggle-it-about technique works a charm). So I'm sure it balances out in the end.

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Betsie


Member

Posted Thu Apr 26th, 2007 3:02am Post subject: Here's someone who's never been to a Balti house
Gravesy, you said "in the end." Tee hee.

Leave it to an American celebrity to say something stupid, huh?

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