Let’s just pretend you are in love with someone, doesn’t matter if man or woman. But let’s say this particular man or woman is already in love with someone else and quite happy with this situation because he or she is loved in return. Well, it doesn't really matter though if he or she is already having a relationship. Maybe he or she just likes to be alone, choose yourself. So, my question goes like this: What do you do? I mean, seriously, what are you able to do? You definitely don’t tell this man or woman in this very embarrassing tone what you feel for him or her. Instead, you prefer to bury it deep inside of you and slop a lot of crap on it, tons of crap, so you won’t have to see it ever again. But, and that’s just life, it actually comes back and hits you in your face in a very, and I must say, very violent way. That’s a lesson to be learned and everything’s starts right from the beginning. Now, let’s try to be objective, you know you are in love, you know it would end up pretty painful if you tell him or her, and you also know this won’t just leave because you want it to. Actually, a pretty harsh way of your body to tell you, Fuck Off, You Don’t Have Any Kind Of Control In This Area Anyway. Nevertheless, for you this won’t be a time where you sit back and relax. Certainly, this situation just freaks you out and every time you see this man or woman and you hang out with him or her and you have some fun while doing this, your hormones seem to fly and dance and scream happily like they never did before and yes, you enjoy it because you are not able to do anything against it, right as you were told. But when you come home, or to any other place where he or she is not, also potentially alone, and you reflect this situation in every detail you just can find, you realize very quickly that you will never be satisfied with it if it won’t go any further. Besides, you get disappointed in a large number of chats and jokes because you miss something you would desperately like to hear out of the mouth of this particular man or woman. And all this, and you won’t be able to describe it any better with more words, sucks. Right in these seconds you realized this, another question pops up into your mind. Why the fuck is this happening to me? Well, there is no answer to this one, except that you just don’t seem to have any luck with love.
Feelings are something you cannot get rid of just by amazing will power. Either way, you are not able to keep them with the same tactic. Feelings are irrational, even though a lot of people try to explain, that this is a normal biological process. And yes, of course it is. But this is no excuse, never even help or any kind of statement that leads us to a comfortable situation. You can’t cope with feelings just by a poor try to rationalize them. It’s just not possible. Instead you will become a cold-hearted and miserable person, which, lets be honest, doesn’t sound much better. But still, people intensively try to get rid of them. They can’t stand the pain, the suffering and every bad side-effect it can have on your person. Feelings change your character; weaken you or making you stronger. And most of the time there just doesn’t seem to be a happy medium. It either is perfect or the worst of all, up or down, heaven or hell. And of course this is not a 50-50 balance between good and bad in a lifetime. Actually, for most of us there is a rate of 20-80. Now, we all understand why it is tempting to just cut that part out of us and scream out loud “Death to feelings!” But again: There is no such way. Will power seems to be a great institution some times. People are able to do the most impressive actions because of it. But lying to yourself is the hardest thing you are able to do out of a depressive situation. If you lie to someone else, a stranger or even a friend, your mother or brother, it is all possible. You can practice it and study it and perfect it and the whole world will fall for it without questioning. But you will always know what you did, though it will be your secret. Imagine you would have to lie to yourself. How? How can you possibly do it without knowing the truth? You just can’t repeat a wish a million times to make it become real, same with a lie. And even if you try this out and even if you get a distance between you and this painful feeling and you managed it to take your mind off your own worries: it won’t stay that way. The thing is, if you experience a situation which reminds you of that feeling you want to get away from, if you see the person who causes it or even if it invades your dreams you will suffer a massive relapse. The truth hunts after you and it will catch you, in any case, which points to the pure nonsense of trying to fight it. And the result: You feel. You feel with every pore, with every heartbeat, with every breath you take, with every blink and every move… After all, this is humanly and if we try to get rid of the complexity of feelings we will lose our sense of life.