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panda


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 7:39pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
hiya
so, my counsellor is always saying you need to feel what you're feeling, feel your feelings. how do you actually do that?
she, and other people have said, depression is sometimes because you've repressed something.
so when you actually feel a feeling, what do you do with that? and i don't want to distract myself from it, i want to feel it so i can process it. but how does "one" actually do that???
while at the same time, i need to look after my moods so that i can still get to sleep and function, etc. but even if i have a spare day during the day so that i can, i still wouldn't know how to go about it!!! anyone got any ideas?
panda

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sibs


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 8:35pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Well you need to figure out what event you are hiding that caused you to lock it away so tightly inside and then talk about that event. Eventually you will start to feel on the outside (in the form of tears) what you are feeling inside and no longer be able to hide that memory.

You can not get over something until you understand what that something was that upset you so much in the first place.

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panda


Member

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 9:26pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Hi Sibs
Thanks for your response. Good to hear it said like that. I think I am doing in that with depression, its an on-going process. i recognise the tears, release thing, and working out what it was in the first place.
But I guess today i meant, if something makes me angry, pissed off or annoyed. what do i do with that? is there any way of feeling that feeling in a way that processes it. Being irritated, annoyed. what is the healthy way of feeling feelings? rather than just taking a pill to calm you down, or doing calming breathing exercises etc. surely it is good to express that emotion in some way? i guess that's what all the expressive arts are for. but do you always have to express something through something else. is there any other way - i suppose what is the equivalent of tears but for other emotions. it can't be tears for everything, can it?
panda

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 10:36pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Hiya

"...if something makes me angry, pissed off or annoyed. what do i do with that? is there any way of feeling that feeling in a way that processes it. Being irritated, annoyed. what is the healthy way of feeling feelings?"

Some responses -

emotions can be appropriate (incl. anger) or inappropriate.

emotions are preceded by a thought (often unnoticed in the presence of the emotion). what is the validity of that thought, is it accurate eg they didn't phone me tonight ... (automatic thought) because they don't care about me -> emotion of hurt. Perhaps they're phone was flat, what was the validity of the thought? Partly, that is processing it.

If it is appropriate then it probably is healthy... were you angry at the shootings last week in the U.S.? That's healthy.

What utility is that emotion having... is it saving you from risk eg anxiety?

Depression is not by definition the repressing of something, it is frequently based on a misconstructed thought.

"so, my counsellor is always saying you need to feel what you're feeling, feel your feelings. how do you actually do that?"

what has stopped you asking her to answer that question?...could be that you didn't realise that was a question you wanted to ask, but the 'always saying' part suggests that you have had the opportuniyy, so what is the emotion attached to asking her that ie, if i asked her that i would feel --------. What thought is that based on? That she will think you are -------? Thats where the entry to this might lie.

Thought, emotions, behaviours, thoughts, emotions, behaviours, thoughts, emotions, behaviours, thoughts....


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panda


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 8:44am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
i'm just interested in what other people think, and who are able to speak from their own personal experience of what they have found helpful...

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JVONEARTH


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 6:51pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
I'll try to explain my moods and what i do to help myself. As my moods change without any warning i'll try to put it in a way that makes sense.
If i am level or normal i have no concept of time and not a care in the world or feel no anger.
If i am up a bit i will start to think about things which will then snowball me into a manic phase which i will in my mind think out things what i will say and possible out comes.
for example...I have known someone for many years in bike clubs together and who lives a few doors away from me. The other night i was up a bit and started thinking about many things and come to the conclusion over the years in one way or another he has took the piss now i can't even look at him as i am in the manic or the start of a manic phase. I am thinking about loads of thing and have a very high energy burst the only way i can deal with this is work physical work but the harder i work the more i think the more manic i become so i have to do things that occupy my mind.
When going into the depression my feelings could drop like a stone i will think deeper about things the things that made me mad now make me sad and i feel hurt the only way i can ease my way through that is think about thinks i'd like to do but don't involve anyone else or i watch comedy films anything to ignite a bit of laughter. it may make sense or it may not.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 9:29pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
When will it sink in? It's like some kind of denial thing...

Thought, emotions, behaviours, thoughts, emotions, behaviours, thoughts, emotions, behaviours, thoughts....

Depression is not by definition the repressing of something, it is frequently based on a misconstructed thought.

Emotions are preceded by a thought (often unnoticed in the presence of the emotion). what is the validity of that thought, is it accurate eg they didn't phone me tonight ... (automatic thought) because they don't care about me emotion of hurt. Perhaps they're phone was flat, what was the validity of the thought? Partly, that is processing it.

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 9:44pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Chris:

emotions can be appropriate (incl. anger) or inappropriate.


I dont think this statement is true, I think everything else you said was correct but this was, maybe mistakenly, said in the wrong way.
No emotion is ever wrong or inappropriate, it is a true and valid emotion. It is how it is DEALT with and how the person REACTS that is deemed inappropriate.

Panda:
I have found that dealing with an emotion or "feeling" your emotion takes a little time to get used to but that once you do, it becomes so normal that you will do it naturally from then on.
It can manifest itself in different ways for different people... basically it is you addressing what you feel in a way so that it is safe and it is dealt with.
For example, I may get upset by a comment said to me by my dad or my sister and I feel hurt by it. My previous reaction would be to hide it so that no-one sees it, ignore it (pretend im not hurt at all) or explode into a fight with said person. Now, I take the moment to clarify in my head that yes that hurt me, I then allow myself to feel it for that present moment, I then - IF APPROPIRATE - say it in a civil manner to whomever said it, that it hurt me. and then I try and move on. By actually saying to myself "yes that hurt me" and then feeling the hurt for a short period of time, I am feeling the feeling.

The same could be said for feeling angry... just let yourself feel angry without reacting to it, tell yourself that you feel angry and find the reason as to why you reacted that way.... then deal with it in a civil manner (as much as your emotions allow)


Hope that makes sense...

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panda


Member

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 10:01pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Thanks Crazy-in-a-box. That makes a lot of sense. Very good and useful to hear, thank you.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Tue Apr 24th, 2007 10:58pm Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Absolutely right* Crazy and your description of 'feeling emotion' is the best description I've read about what it's all about.

*the exception would be when someone was being dysfunctional eg laughing (happy) at say a funeral, that would be seen as having an emotion that was unexpected etc you see what i mean, but that isn't what any of us were talking about. I suppose i was trying to contrast that emotions WERE appropriate.

Brilliant writing Crazy


Btw Panda the reference to 'when will it sink in...' was not aimed at you at all, tho i suppose it could look that way, sorry if that was the impression.

Take care

Chris with the 5" platforms

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English_Rose_Joylan


Member

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 12:41am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
hi, for me feeling my emotions is simply recognising how my body reacts to a stressful situation, when i am anxious i recognise that my breath is shortened, i feel scared for no real reason, i feel sick, i can not for the life of me stop my body from moving or my thoughts from racing or my concentration to focus. just understand your physical symptoms to understand your emotions, also i find that drama therapy works wonders for me. that is where you find a quiet space on your own for as long as you want and you act out stressful scenes with heavy emotions, they don't even have to be the emotions which you are having, so that would be great if you are finding it hard to understand which emotions you are dealing with.

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JVONEARTH


Member

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 11:01am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Before i was diagnosed i could never understand why people thought my moods and thoughts were strange.
I can almost laugh about the way i was then. Now i can see what people were on about. I was asked by a doctor if people took advantage of me when i was low (oh how i wish they did) X-D ....Sorry .
No really, trying to put myself on the outside of me to look within to see situations that have happened and to see people did take the piss was hard to deal with.
I don't know about anyone else but friends are friends no half measures but is that just a thing that goes with the disorder?
I sometimes find that hard to deal with when an idea gets into my head and i run around like a headless chicken to achieve something only to find out hours later i have achieved nothing!

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Wed Apr 25th, 2007 11:13am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Hi JV

no half measures ie black or white with no shades between...

yeah, thaat's part of the disorder, and even more so borderline personality disorder, but ultimately it's a choice, a choice that can be changed with help sometimes to see that it is a choice.

ER Joylan makes a really important point - to recognise which emotion is present, or even that it is an emotion rather athan a thought.

It comes down to understanding what's going on, then there is an access point to interupt the thoughts feelings behaviours circle, ending with behavioural outcomes that are a choice rather than ones that are 'imposed' by disordered emotions. Just an opinion.

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sibs


Member

Posted Thu Apr 26th, 2007 9:31am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
Hi Panda,

You know you can apply the same thinking that you are using to understand what makes you sad to what makes you angry. Until you figure out why you get angry, for example what situation in the present day would make you feel angry and why then you will not be able to spot when you risk getting angry. Normally this anger probably arises from some event in our past which might be connected to why you also get sad.

So when you feel sad what makes you feel sad and can this be linked to some event in your past.
When you feel angry what makes you feel angry and can this be linked to some event in your past.

You can not feel your anger until you know what makes you angry in the first place.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Thu Apr 26th, 2007 9:36am Post subject: how do you feel your feelings?
And the event in the past creates a belief. This belief is the point of access or leverage for changing what you feel and experience.

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