STEPHEN FRY

I'd say my writing is a way of trying to purge the unhappiness from my system, so it tends to be quite bleak. But then I think I feel happier for doing so.

http://dreamingshadow.deviantart.com

Not that I'd usually plug, but see for yourself.

mp xxxx

Depression stops me writing - just can't physically get myself to continue my projects. Being depressed kills my creativity - even for artwork too. Feeling trapped, powerless and seeing no point in anything - how can you create anything when you feel like that?

I suppose it's all relative. I can create portraits of depression and pain becauce I make myself realease it like that instead of hurting myself or someone else.

When I'm at the high, though I'm creative with my body I just cannot, physically or mentally *do* anything. I can't, I'm stumped. I get frustrated. I'm getting worked up just thinking of it, I'd better stop!

I find that a lot of my writing is modelled on my own experiences - my characters' moods often mirror mine! I have, however, managed to write a 120000 word novel this last year, which Chipmunka Publishing are publishing, so it can't be all bad!

Congratulations dude! That is some hell of a wordage. You'll have to let us know when it's all up together and published and we'll all buy it :D.

Hmm. I feel an essay coming on. Here goes ...

IRIdiot - I didn't find that SSRIs hampered the creative process for me; in essence, I am as up and down as I've always been. I have the attention span of a coked-up squirrel and so I tend to flit between one thing and another - but as a general rule, I'm usually working on at least one thing. Like many people have mentioned, my lower phases mean that simply getting out of bed is a mission, let alone turning on my computer and bringing myself to write anything; and when I'm more hyped-up I want to run around, put kitchenware on my head, get incredibly drunk and sing 'Finiculi, Finicula' in quasi-Italian from a tree-stump - again, not sit down and write. My head's a mess of creative thoughts at times like that, but it's jumbled, garbled and very difficult to channel. However, the meds I'm on haven't really stopped me from being like that - they've simply made it easier to manage panic attacks and depressive moods.

Satnin1981, once again, I can't congratulate you enough for overcoming your difficulties and channeling them into a work others can enjoy and take something from. What sort of setting are these loosely inspired characters in? I play in mostly fantasy based ball parks, myself - I get enough realism every time I check my balance.

Joan and Bippy (I'm overwhelmed with the sudden desire to call you 'The Bipster', but I won't), I see exactly where you're coming from and I've been the same myself. On occasion I'm able to dredge up the motivation maybe just to read a book, and lose myself in another world for a few hours - and then, just maybe, I can muster the energy to read back through stuff I've written and realize how much I enjoy it. I find that getting the enthusiasm back can be enough to drag you back up out of that swampy, miasmal black quicksand that is bummed-outedness and get you feeling productive again - and so while negative feelings like that can bring you crashing down to unproductivity, it can work both ways.

Pando, I see exactly what you mean by the colourful highs you get which inspire you to be in front of a camera. It's great being able to get something productive like a modelling career out of those highs because, as you said, it's near enough impossible to set your mind to anything while you're buzzing - so why bother? If everything's bright and colourful just enjoy it. You need to be in that mindset where you're uninhibited enough to jump into those (very snappy) clothes and get in front of a lens. I wanted to do life modelling a while back, but I don't think I would have been able to keep up the confidence without getting drunk - and no-one's artistic when they're drunk.
I love the tats, by the way And the painting's coming across really nicely - I can't really tell from the photo and my abysmal screen resolution, but is it acrylics?

[Right, coffee break. I told you.]

Monochromeprincess, I love a lot of that candid and twisted imagery you've got going on. This is why I asked the question initially, because it fascinates me how people channel these feelings. I have never even once written a poem like that - mine tend to be about wrestling with shopping trolleys in an empty street, or totalling an Audi A6 with a binbag I threw over my back garden wall in a medicated stupor, or my fiancee's cat mating with my boot while she was on heat. I think it's because the more absurd side of day-to-day life provides a nice escape for me - a reminder that not everything is grey, dull, insipid or hostile. Instead of venting the angst, I try and replace it with something altogether more accommodating and let it dissipate of its own accord.

I've been thinking about how I'd answer my own question, and I think I agree with what the Bip... Bippy Bear said. Most of the characters I come up with tend to be inherently troubled in some way, even if it's only being marred by a slight imperfection; and then I veer into extremes very often, with hopeless alcoholics and drug abusers - I even have a bi-polar superhero on the cards (yes, I write, draw and foremost read comics.) However, I find it amazingly therapeutic to come up with stunning alien environments, tranquil fields and groves, sprawling tundras and the like, which don't have a shred of hostility about them.

It's such a long post and I don't know how to wrap up. I guess it's going to have to be musically.

Dum badum dum dum - DUM.

There we are

Hmm. I have a friend on a veritable pharmacy's worth of mood stabilizers, because he has severe epilepsy, and has had fits triggered by heightened moods. He's an entertaining individual who gets on with his job and has a good relationship with his friends and his partner, but doesn't really do anything 'creative', per se. He doesn't really like to be touched intimately, has no libido a lot of the time, and only really seems to express anything other than blankness when he's drunk.

I think that if you can get away with not taking them (i.e. if your safety, relationships or jobs won't be threatened by such), then you should try and make do with just the SSRIs. If not, try and ween yourself onto a lower dose or a different type. Different medications work differently for different people after all, differenty differentington.

This is, of course, just my two cents. I think it's a shame when people feel that their talents are going to waste.

either that or sleep for 16 hours a day - and you end up thinking, here I am with all this time and not a blasted thing to show for it.

I guess I experienced the other side of the coin, though - being so anxious and down all the time I found that the only way I could function was just detaching myself completely (and this did involve 'self-medication', unfortunately), and that ultimately had the same effect as a load of mood stabilizers would have. In fact, I was on flupentixol for a while (an antipsychotic), which turned me into just that. I think that it's a matter of finding your own balance between what you need to function without pushing you too far towards the 'undead' bracket.