I have struggled with insomnia for a very long time now and currently back battling it again. I stopped battling the bastard as soon as I came across my salvation named Ambien or its generic cousin, Zolpidem Tartrate. Either one will do and both always farking win against this damnable state.
Once upon a time, Insomnia and I worked ok together. It seemed like a really good thing, a unique trick of my brain and we wandered around while others slept away. But it proved to be one helluva drag of a relationship when I figured out just how abusive it could be.
I can never stay awake long enough for Isomnia. I get no reward of sleepiness, drowsiness, or desire to enter that cool dimension of time we call 'dreams'. It doesn't matter how many hours or days I give, Insomnia wants more and more of my time.
Once I found ambien, I dropped Insomnia like a hot rock. I was so relieved to be rid of him. I could actually have normal hours. Waking up even before the crack of dawn versus going to bed at that hour, was delightful. In fact I haven't spoken with nor seen Insomnia for years. I hear he's still around, of course, doing what he always does. Dysfunctional prick.
But, I've had a bit of an interruption in the path from Ambien to me and isn't it just like Insomnia to show up with a knowing little grin and malicious look in his eye.
"Oh, you thought it was awful last time, huh?"
"Yes, I did. It's why I dumped you and moved on. By the way, Melatonin's sitting in my bedroom right now."
"Yeah, but he's not as good as Ambien for you and he's not as good as me at keeping you awake. Which, if you think about it, kind of makes Melatonin worse than me."
See how he is? How he inserts himself back into your life?
Yeah. Good ol' Insomnia...
I tell him outright that I hate him. He just goes to the fridge, pulls out a soda, plops down in a chair and says,"Yeah, but I'm here and Ambien's not. Least you could do is use me."
"Right. Use YOU. Sure.", I snicker back at him.
And then I plop down and realize he's right. He's here. Thankfully, he doesn't impact my dogs sleep life. He's dozing quite peacefully for both of us now.
I want to sleep too...
"Insomnia, I hate you. I really do."