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Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 5:36pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
1 in 12? Don't mess about, get your backside this side of the Atlantic now. I'm not joking, Tito will tell you, Britain has many faults, but violence towards people of unusual configuration seems, on the face of the 1 in 12 vs 1 in 18,00, to be much less prevalent this side of the pond.

I have to go now, but I must tell you later about The Bickerstaff, an optimistic story.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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andrealein


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 8:18pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
i don't know WHY it's so different. i know that transpeople have a 1in 12 chance of being murdered, compared to the typical 1 in 18000...but WHY? i have no idea. i've gotten LOOKS from people, when my presence says "male" more than "boyish looking lady", and they put a level of anxiety in me like what i'd get when cleaning the lions' den at the zoo. LOL, and now that i think about it, i react the same way: don't make eye contact, do what ya gotta do, then go somewhere else for a breather.

i can't tell if i'm overexplaining or underexplaining, stop me anytime.
Really?! That sounds horrible. I didn't think it was that bad. A 1 in 12 chance?? I wonder what it's like in Germany... I don't know why anybody would be violent against transgendered people.
I mean I can understand when people feel insecure and look in the other direction. I know it's not a good thing and hurts people but I might be guilty of that too. I never met anyone who's transgendered (at least not that I know of) but there are similar situations. You realise that someone looks different from what you'd expect and therefore you look at them. Then you notice you probably stared and feel impolite and look away. As soon as you start thinking about how you should behave, a normal and relaxed conversation is almost impossible. Unless the other person is really cool and knows how to break the ice.
Obviously I write "you" because I'm too much of a coward to write "I"
I don't want to defend that kind of reaction but at least the intention's not a bad one. But people who are agressive... hard to understand that. Maybe it's their strange and sick way to "deal" with their insecurities?

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Nitro


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 8:19pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
[quote="michael"]So, 'masculinity' is flexible whereas 'male' is not. This is also true of 'femininity' and 'female'.

heehee...actually...'male' and 'female' are flexible too...i guess you could say that's what transgendered people are, what makes them different from tomboys, etc...? make sense?



You're right Michael...I shouldn't have written that so solidly in stone and it doesn't adequately convey what I meant. Which is my fault. Obviously, there are hermaphrodites and then the issue of 'one gender or another' becomes confused. Well, to everyone except those born hermaphrodite I'd guess...and their history of treatment by others is very cruel...sadly...:(



you're definitely right that social ideas about what's normal for a gender are detrimental.
a better public understanding of that would help transpeople, and vice versa!

but tomboys and less-macho guys aren't necessarily transgendered, (well...i guess it depends on a person's definition of it. i go with what the person tells me, if a tomboy said "i'm transgendered" to me, then yeah they are...if they said "i'm a female" then yes they are.)

Anyways, (do i sound like bertie wooster rambling on about seaweed?) the world becomes massively different when crossing that line. that's kinda why i struggle with it...i'm on the line, enough that i can see how scary it is for them.

i don't know WHY it's so different. i know that transpeople have a 1in 12 chance of being murdered, compared to the typical 1 in 18000...but WHY? i have no idea. i've gotten LOOKS from people, when my presence says "male" more than "boyish looking lady", and they put a level of anxiety in me like what i'd get when cleaning the lions' den at the zoo. LOL, and now that i think about it, i react the same way: don't make eye contact, do what ya gotta do, then go somewhere else for a breather.

i can't tell if i'm overexplaining or underexplaining, stop me anytime.

http://www.hrc.org/issues/1508.htm

i'm truly thankful for your support! This has given me a chance to practice talking to people about this outside of forums full of transpeople. and it makes me very happy to read everyone's responses

I can see completely why transgendered people might experience more violence, less consideration and all else from those around them. That's part of what I was creakily and badly getting at: If a boy who identifies to himself as being hetereo is going to get beat up in the locker room for not conforming to the groups definition of 'masculinity', then one who is transgendered is likely going to feel AT LEAST as much fear of 'the group'.

And if a straight woman in, for instance, the rural areas is not inclined to conform to local ideas of how 'women should act', she will likely experience many negative things from 'the group', including violence sometimes. Some people are of the contemptible mindset they can 'beat sense' into others. Double dip that for the rural transgendered person born female but later not 'acting feminine' ( "Boys don't cry" anyone? ). If she or he does not hide their identity, they suffer. If they are open about it, they will suffer too. And I don't mean to be picking on just rural areas. So long as humans are involved, something is likely to get screwed up eventually X-D

I think it sucks you feel bad vibes and worry for your own safety at times, but I do think you're right, in certain circumstances, to protect your own safety first and worry about acceptance later. It's a sad fact that even if you educate and inform people as gently as possible, they still will reject facts and get angry about your information.

Maybe I missed it in one of your posts, but do you have friends where you live now that accept you and hang out and stuff?

Really? Wow.

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 9:08pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
I used to read Motorcycle Sport, a quietly quirky and almost subversive magazine. One of the regular contributors went by the initials P(U)B; a stylistic remnant of the old days when "gentleman writers" (that means amateurs) would only supply their initials as identification. P(U)B was an active member of a motorcycle club who wrote in the magazine and one had the sense that this was a man writing until one day, out of the blue, a small grenade was thrown under the image. There was a roadtest article about a replica Morgan vintage three wheel sports car:

http://www.paulridley.co.uk/1986%20TriKing%203%20Wheeler%20Bristol.JPG

and in the text was a line about the car not having doors, and the disadvantage of wearing a skirt. At the time I merely assumed that I had been incorrect about the writer's physical state, the name Peta being used at times over the next few months/years.

Fast forward until I met a Vincent Owner's Club member (they refer to themselves unofficially as Very Old Children) who filled me in on the background. Peter Bickerstaff had had gender/sexual identity problems and, although I do not know the full extent of treatment, Peter later became Jacqueline. This did not impact upon P/J's abilities as the press officer of the club, so there was therefore no reason, as far as the membership and committee were concerned, to ask for a resignation.

To ease any lingering awkwardness about calling Peter Jacqueline, they collectively simply shrugged their shoulders and refer now to P/J as "The Bickerstaff" and get on with life in a peaceable and civilised manner. I like to think this is very much how most British/English people would deal with the situation, where you have a person already encumbered with a quite major problem or adjustment in their life, that they would be accepted as they are and treated with courtesy and kindness. Yes, there are bound to be a few ignorant types, but most of us really don't actually worry that much so long as you don't do anything involving children/violence/animals.

1 in 12? I mean it, get the Fabulous Flying F out of there, come over to urban Britain or Europe. Nobody deserves to live under that kind of threat unless they've done something actually bad and you haven't. All you have is a different deck of cards to play your life with.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 9:31pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
Correction: Technical Officer.

"Jacqueline Bickerstaff has been riding her Vincent Rapide – already a high-mileage machine when acquired by her father – for more than 30 years and 230,000 miles. She also owns a 1926 H.R.D., made by Howard Davies' original company, on which she has toured extensively around the world. Jacqueline has served in various offices in the Vincent Owners Club (VOC), including a long spell as the Technical Officer, helping members to keep their Vincents on the road. She is a professional engineer, currently working on GPS satellite navigation systems, and a freelance writer, often using the ‘nom-de-plume’ PUB after the licence number of her Rapide. She has written extensively about classic motorcycles, Vincent H.R.D.s in particular, and is the author of the Restoration guide “Original Vincent” (now out of print). She is pictured above with Rapide, PUB335, at the TT Grandstand after the 2007 Vincent parade at the Isle of Man."

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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michael


Member

Posted Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 11:51pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
ANDREALEIN-

i TOTALLY know what you are talking about!!...bless em, it's not thier fault at all, and yet it kinda distresses me, because i don't like making people feel uncomfortable. so far i try to smile or make small talk, and that helps...but cause i'm kinda moody, it's hard to be like that every day...PLUS talking outloud is exactly one of the things that tips people off. somedays i avoid talking outloud

definitely trying to talk to people more though. i need to work on my mojo. i have a godfather/ "uncle" in my hometown who's gay, and it's a very small town, yet he's SO friendly and charming that everyone knows him and loves him. i try somedays to act like him


MAXX-
oh, man, i'm cracking up. that is great maxx! it's so true that we don't know the physical side of someone online, fill in the picture without realizing it.

it reminds me of one of the folks on one of the trans forums... were having a discussion..when one of the transguys said "i don't even like sports" and one of the transladies said "and i love motorcycles!!" and immediately posted a pic

NITRO

that's cool, i get where you were coming from.

i have a FEW friends. i don't talk to any of them about this stuff, partly cause i don't really even know what i want, partly cause i'm just not that close to them. but i've just now lived here a year. and anytime i move somewhere, about a year goes by before i really get good friends. so that's probably not the area so much as i'm a newbie.


EVERYBODY

I was very shocked at the 1 in 12 stat too. I don't know how they arrived at that. stats on transgender hatecrimes are a very recent thing in the USA (partly cause it's not considered a hatecrime, so most states don't keep tallies of that information)

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Midsomerlover


Member

Posted Thu Jul 23rd, 2009 12:28am Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
Michael, if it's of any help, I too think you're a wonderful person. You've got a wonderful sense of humour and a sparkling talent for art. Remember that there will always be people, fluffettes or otherwise, that will listen to you whenever you want to share something.


@midsomerlover on Twitter.

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Thu Jul 23rd, 2009 12:30am Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
Just been talking with Smif, he pointed out the Canadian, Mike/Michelle Duff. A link -

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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michael


Member

Posted Thu Jul 23rd, 2009 4:04pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
Michael, if it's of any help, I too think you're a wonderful person. You've got a wonderful sense of humour and a sparkling talent for art. Remember that there will always be people, fluffettes or otherwise, that will listen to you whenever you want to share something.

oh, thank you!! that means a lot to me!!!

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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andrealein


Member

Posted Fri Jul 24th, 2009 10:01am Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
definitely trying to talk to people more though. i need to work on my mojo. i have a godfather/ "uncle" in my hometown who's gay, and it's a very small town, yet he's SO friendly and charming that everyone knows him and loves him. i try somedays to act like him
I didn't want to say that you should somehow feel obliged to do so. Not if it's only for other people to feel comfortable. But if you feel better too. Why not? I think I'd find it very hard to be friendly and charming all the time. Not that I'm exceptionally grumpy or something but I'm just not that open and it'd be very stressful for me to act like that. But of course I see that you want to be accepted...
No, I'm not of great help.

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IdeaCollector


Member

Posted Tue Aug 4th, 2009 6:20pm Post subject: i need a transmogrifier
One of my favorite movies is Paris is Burning which focuses on transgenders and cross dressers.

Still about a year back or so I looked up all the people in the film who were still alive at the end of the film and it was heartbreaking to see almost all of them dead.

But still I think little can compare to the horrible death of the lovely Venus Xtravaganza. People are just so horrid to transgendered persons.

I used to be EternalStudent on these forums until the switch over. So don't get excited..I'm not someone new and exciting. I'm just me :P

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