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Mister
Member
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Posted Wed Mar 10th, 2010 3:15pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
Okay, I have this friend, who I have known for 8 years, who's 20. She's always been a little "weird", eccentric. She sometimes says things that seem hurtful and crass to other people, and is sometimes overemotional, she can react really strongly to the smallest things. That makes a lot of people see her as a drama queen, but she's not acting, she really feels things like that, like she looks at the world a little crookedly. And she does get depressed at times, really depressed. And her older brother got schizophrenia, and is really off.
Last year she started uni a long way away, and today I found out she's been treated for psychosis for about a month. She told me she sees and hears things and that she wants to hurt herself and other people, including me.
She's only told three people, me, another friend and her boyfriend, who still lives in my area. And that's where the problems lies. I don't know all the details in the situation, but apparently after she told her boyfriend he became distant. He hardly calls her anymore, and hardly ever answers his phone. They've been dating for more then three years now, and are really great together. He's become a friend of me as well, and I have adopted him as my little brother.
I'm going to meet him for coffee tomorrow and talk to him, but I don't really know what to say.
I myself had a psychotic break 2 years ago, and I nearly died twice. And her brother, the schizophrenic, is really scary at times and violent. So the boyfriend's experiences are all of the really bad, freaky kind. And I have to find something reassuring to say, because they love each other and need each other and are both really scared.
So anyone got some advice?
Beautiful thing, the destruction of words.
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michael
Member
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Posted Thu Mar 11th, 2010 7:11pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
Hi Mister! I'm so sorry I didn't see this yesterday, was kinda busy day. Have you met with the boyfriend yet? If so, how did it go?
I think you could be a valuable ally to all the people involved. You're probably right on the money with the boyfriend's experiences of the brother's illness, how it's probably weighing on his mind as he learns this about his girlfriend.
some of the best things to do, especially for the person who has the mental illness, is to make yourself present as much as possible. to just always be there... because, as i'm sure you know from experience, A. many people kinda shy away from mentally ill people and B. when someone's going through this, they cut themselves off from other people. So the seperation is being pulled from BOTH ends.
I'm sure you know all that from your own life experience. The boyfriend (and the girlfriend) are probably both very frightened, and in you they have someone who understands the psychotic break, but also has remained a good friend, a person who can keep a relationship going. (if you weren't, you wouldn't still have such a great relationship with them!)
i'll post and be back with a couple links. don't know if they will help, but lately in the USA many mental health orgs are focusing all their energy on friends and siblings, so that the people who are around those who may become mentally ill, have some information and support ready.
"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name
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michael
Member
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Posted Thu Mar 11th, 2010 7:15pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
http://www.whatadifference.samhsa.gov/
some of the stuff on here seems kinda cheesy, but it's not bad.
the video is all about someone with bipolar, but i think it's relevant to any mental health situation... that the person is scared, and isn't sure if their friends are going to still be around.
"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name
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Mister
Member
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Posted Sun Mar 14th, 2010 6:23pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
Well, I met with the boyfriend, we talked, he understood. But she called him two days ago, they had a fight and they are now on a break. I suspect they are breaking up for real when she's coming down during Easter break. When asked why he wanted to break up, the boyfriend replied "cos I'm just to lazy."
The problem now is her parents. They are 100% sure he's schizophrenic because of his drug problems, but both I and my friend think he was self medicating, and even though this may have worsened the condition, it did not cause it. And my friend is now afraid that they will accuse her of doing drugs too, and to make matters worse, when she in the past tried to tell a little of her problems, they accused her of being an attention seeking copy-cat.
And now with the boyfriend situation she refuses to talk to anyone but me and one other friend. Him breaking up is making her even more afraid to tell anyone.
My family and hers are really close, we celebrate holidays together and go on vacations. So I am wondering whether or not I should talk to the parents, that would be breaking confidence and I don't really won't to do that, but on the other hand I think they maybe should know. When the brother started to get ill, he told some friends and not his parents and that situation went totally straight to hell.
I don't know anymore, I'm not very good in this type of situations.
But thanks for advice and the link, there seems to be some useful tips on there.
Beautiful thing, the destruction of words.
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katysara
Moderator
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Posted Sun Mar 14th, 2010 7:06pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
You obviously care. Follow your instincts and never give up on your friend.
KSx
I am an administrator on this site.
"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry
See my website: www.katysaraculling.com
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michael
Member
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Posted Wed Mar 17th, 2010 9:17pm Post subject: I need some advice on how to talk to someone about mental illness
i think talking to the parents is worth a try. it will be hard, and be prepared for them to be in denial or say some unexpected stuff... they may not respond the way you wish at the time, but maybe they will turn it around in their heads for awhile and understand.
"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name
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