You looked up and said “I love you my friend”.
Your stare became vacant
and that was the end.
You just passed away,
with no screaming,
You couldn’t even see I had tears in my eyes.
The fact that I loved you was never in doubt
But no one else knew as I hadn’t ‘come out’
You knew that I worried
about just holding hands
But you understood
and you made no demands.
I wonder if you knew that our bond was strong?
God! I wanted to cry “This is unfair, and wrong!”
But with nurses around us
I hadn’t quite dared.
missed the chance,
to tell you I cared.
I wanted to tell you the things that I’d said
in the rows that we’d had
while you lay
in your bed,
were just words of temper, frustration, and pain,
then, never repeated again.
I’d meant to explain that the day I’d stormed out,
I thought I was right,
there’s no doubt.
At the time I’d said sorry, but
that’s never enough –
I’d never said why – I was trying to be tough.
I wanted to tell you my guilt, and my hate
- for this bloody illness –
but now it’s too late!
I saw the Grim Reaper approach with his scythe
And I begged for your death,
I prayed for your life.
written by Cresson
february 1993 (verse 2 added in Sept 2004)
It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes. - Thoreau