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Clive


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Posted Tue Jun 25th, 2013 3:13pm Post subject: I'm such an arsehole.

I'm such an arsehole. SUCH an arsehole. Such an arsehole.

There's this woman I've been seeing on and off for several months. She's a pre-op transsexual woman, and I find her incredibly attractive and lovely company, though I'm cocking things up royally.

She just came round for what you might term 'a booty call', and it couldn't have gone more f*cking disastrously. I do hope this post doesn't cross a line in descriptions of intimacy - if it gets censored or removed I completely understand. I'll try to be as clean as possible.

I'm hopeless at sex to begin with. I don't have the coordination or dexterity to do it well. I could probably get past that and fumble my way through quite enjoyably, but the thing is.... last time this lady and I attempted intimacy, I bit the bullet and took my top off (partly because I sort of felt comfortable enough to, partly because I was warm from exertion) and then afterwards, she accidentally called me 'Woman,' which she hadn't ever done before. I just know it had to do with her seeing my breasts and not being able to reconcile that with the male image she has of me, and so when she tried to take my top off today, I absolutely refused, which put a dampener on things. The thing is, I partly understand why she slipped up before, but I mean - I've seen her penis, and it hasn't made me suddenly think of her as a man. Which makes me think I'm just failing hopelessly at masculinity.

So she partially undressed and then undid my belt in preparation to take my trousers off and I panicked and stopped her and she reassured me and I tried to pleasure her for a bit but then suddenly stopped in self-consciousness and tried to explain myself using this long rambling metaphor about dancing and the tango and not being able to do the tango either and I did try to give her a hand job but it wasn't really going anywhere so we just stopped.

AARGH.

I don't know. I'm so sorry for writing this on here - it's all totally TMI, but I can't really talk to anyone else about it (I talk with my Mum about most things but this would be a little embarrassing) and all of my friends are straight and though they're open-minded I just know it would make them uncomfortable.

Maybe I'll write a poem about it. It would go like this:

I'm an arsehole.

'Vote for E.L. Wisty, or invisible nudists will come along and smash you round the face.'

(E.L. Wisty)

My Attempt at Tumbling

Twitter: @CliveLive49

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