STEPHEN FRY

Trying to persuade my partner to join - she said she was researching bipolar disorder online but did not check out this site - I will browse through some posts today and show her Katysara's site.

That was the major thing that that the programme did for me was to explain the disorder to none sufferers.

Vx

Chears Katysara

My last two scans i was told showed only scar tissue from radiotherapy. At last visit they said I was too ill for this to be the case.

I am not worried about procedures - have no dignity left after god knows how many professionals and student docs have seen my nether regions - prob more than I have seen them myself

I have a high threshold for pain - but am very apathtic and lethargic when on the lows - as most are and therefore can somethimes simply not be bothered to go for the tests. I think even my girlfriend (I am sure you will find someone again when you are ready) would say that its more serious than the doctors are telling us and that even she does not think I will be here much more than a year or two - but we could be wrong

Vx

I think you are right - the depressed part of me thinks well just do nothing and I will die soon anyway. The fighter in me says I won't let bipolar or cancer win.

I don't get stressed by treatments or pain but I do get stressed by things getting out of my control. I could handle too much work when I was working for a company but the office is closing in September. I had obtained a job at the headoffice but my partner and I discussed it and feel that we have not been putting my health first and that a move away from the best cancer centre in the country and the support of family and friends is not a could idea. So I have decided to take redundancy but I worried about how the money will last, wanted to start my own business and know what needs done but just don;t have the energy or the strength in general to do it.

Finance is the thing that gets me down and worries me the most - I feel from your posts that this is an issue for you as well.

I tend to be the one that - ironically - looks after the household regarding finance and if I am having a bad time it gets neglected, phones not answered, letters unanswered so it builds up until I have a good day and feel well enough to sort it out.

Vx

Definitely go and get the antidepressant side looked at. I was like you SSRIs like citalopram make me manic so I am on a tricyclic (amitriptyline, which would also help you with pain due to cancer) although there are many tricyclics. She/he may try mirtazapine - I was on it for a long time as well as amitriptyline. Mirtazapine is GREAT if you have trouble sleeping, it pretty much knocks you out. There are 2 suggestions you could mention...

KSx

(Both are safe with lithium)

Yeah i am no expert in cancer but I am in antidepressants. I do know mirtazapine is used in cancer patients to reduce depression, anxiety and increase sleep. Lower doses have to be used if the cancer is in your kidneys or liver. Worth you asking about.

oxycontin? oxycodone?

KSx

Welcome to the site Cappa, go ahead and start your thread!

KSx

Hello everyone!

I am 16 years old, almost 17 now, and I have not yet been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have had one, in my opinion, major depressive episode taking quite some time, during which the only reason for me to get out of bed was that otherwise my mom would drag me out of it. Was tired during the time pretty much 24/7, didn't want to do anything. Also had thoughts on dying, but more in a way like Stephen said 'I would not want to commit suicide, but I wouldn't mind to die.', or something in that manner. Well, basically that is what I think quite a lot.

Then there are also the periods in which I feel quite happy, satisfied, don't care about bad remarks or comments and things like that. However if something I really don't like (for any reason at all), I might just change into some sort of emotionless zombie for the rest of the day.

Like I said, I have not been diagnosed yet, nor have I been to a doctor of any forms. Currently I am on vacation, but when I get back I will certainly visit one, thanks to a friend of mine.

But the weird thing is (at least I think it is quite weird); I want to have bipolar disorder. I want to have it bad. Now I figured it might be because I want something to 'blame' for those depressive periods (yeah, I have had more then just that one major long lasting one), and it might also be because I feel like having it. I know, sorry for all of you who want to get rid of it, but that's me.

The thing that worries me, however, is that I think I might not be 'manic' enough. I am very scared of large groupes of people, scared of smoke (cigaretts and bus exhausts), scared of drinking alcohol, and scared of quite a bit more. I would never ever do something completely out of control, but I often feel like it. Is that still considered 'manic'? A lot of times, especially lately, I have wanted to throw random things at other random things and see what happens. Or I had wanted to lift the house, and throw it at another house, and see what happens. Or maybe what it would be like to all of a sudden start hugging someone (--wait, I actually did that one time -- just like that time I randomly licked my friend's agenda...hmm)

But most of the time I am too scared to do things. But I very much want to do them, just to see what happens, not because I will like it afterwards.

Sorry for the long story, hope (and guess, after reading almost all posts) you can cope with it.

In short, question is: Would you guys consider me bipolar, or absolutely not, or just depressive, or just crazy in the head? And is badly wanting to have the disorder wrong?

Thanks in advance,

MrRabbit

Oh and I sometimes hop around as a rabbit. Just because.