STEPHEN FRY

Hello all! Just wandering the internet and decided to pop in. I don't believe I have Bi polar, but have episodes of depression due to needing to control things around me. Have followed Stephen Fry in a gentle, non-stalkerish fashion from Black Adder to QI. Got annoyed at Peter Hitchens for his attitude, not sure why he hates Stephen so much. Strange man.
I liked your post about suicidal intentions, with the comment about not saying "Think how much your family will miss you". When I'm in The Pit, I kind of don't think about them much....Anyway, having counselling at the moment, trying to get a handle on everything, which is hard.
I can recommend Free thought blogs - JT, Greta Christina, Allie from Hyperbole and a half. Also love Tim Roth! Lie to me rocked!! So greetings to all.

Hello jvonearth here have been a member for five odd years but had some time away and now I'm back

Hello, I'm new here.

Hello everyone, my name's Amber. I'll just jump right in. I don't really know if I'm bi-polar or not. When I was 16 they told me I had manic depression. Six years later I still have episodes but they aren't nearly as severe as they were when I was a teen. I have, with-in the last few years, been diagnosed with anxiety and having obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I have never willingly taken medication for any of it. I've refused partly because I don't think I need it and partly because I hate the idea of being reliant on pills and, I guess I should add, I don't trust myself with pills of any kind. I'm in America where everyone seems to be on anti-depressants and I refuse to be just another over-medicated American.... I guess that's it.

Hi there, I'm Jessica, and I'm from the USA. I have Major Depressive Disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. I am familiar with bipolar disorder. My situation is bad enough that I take medicine, and it has literally saved my life. Hope I'm still welcome here

Hi there, My name is Joy and I have met the most glorious and grand and gorgeous and good man who has Social Anxiety and Depression and likely Bipolar.
I am here because I do not wish to do him a disservice by not grappling with how this impacts on him.
I have already read many posts and the words have helped enourmously ~ I hope to read many more .... and maybe contribute to the debate as a partner. Regards, J

Hello I'm trying to make sense of my life and wondered if I might find some here. I've just watched part 1 and 2 of the film and wonder if I am similarly afflicted.
I've been trying to get some help for a while...I'm very isolated, I don't have a job, I live alone surrounded by trees, I have no money and don't think I can pay my rent this week - I owe money and am afraid I will become homeless. I have suicidal thoughts every day.
I worry that I'm mentally ill and that if I am, then I will have no life, that I will never have the opportunity to become the person I believed I was capable of being.
I worry too that I will be misdiagnosed in some way, that perhaps there's nothing really wrong with me, I've just had a bit of a shitty life.
I experienced many of the horrible childhood things you can and some good things too. I came out of it with absolutely no self esteem or confidence and I've struggled with that ever since. I am 47.
Supposedly I am really intelligent and highly creative, there's not much I can't get my head around, except having a proper life. I can actually write, but I'm so exhausted at the moment, I can barely do anything.
I've been previously diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I score highly on DIY autism tests, but don't think I'm autistic. I've always rejected any thought of a bipolar disorder because I don't go up and down, I don't have mood swings...but now I wonder if I do. I wonder if my definition of 'normal happy' might be a bit manic.
When I am involved in a creative project, I get completely immersed in it, I take things as far as I can, nothing much else exists and I must do everything I think of that I know will be good.
Sometimes I get very anxious, caught up with detail noone else ever notices and then I feel everything is turning to shit, that nothing I do can or ever will be any good, that I am completely deluded about myself and that I am actually really mediocre which is why noone pays me any attention. I am horribly shy.
Sometimes I'm really good socially but other times I'm not at all and I can't face being places - I feel totally alien, unfit for consumption, wrong, even going to the shop is difficult, I feel so self conscious in all my unfitness.
I write, I make art, to my surprise, I've even done stand-up comedy - supposedly well.
A couple of years ago, I had some money and took time out - I did all the right things like yoga, eating good food, meditation, exercise etc and I flourished. I was happy. I made friends and worked independently and with other people on creative projects.
Unfortunately, when it came time for me to make some money again, I found myself in situations where I was exploited and taken advantage of. I'm not assertive and I attract predatory types who see me coming a mile away. I'm still owed several thousand dollars.
I've tried to redress this through the court system and been successful, but remain unpaid. 18 months ago, I was in a job where I was bullied amongst other things and I have not coped with life since.
I'm at a point where I don't know what's what really. I don't know if I will ever have a life, if I'm actually capable of having one. I cannot just get 'a job' and work to buy food and pay for somewhere to live. I have no children or family committments and am compelled to find meaning in life through creative expression - but there's no point if I'm just doing it by myself, it's a bit like unsatisfactory masturbation.
I'm really stuck and I don't know what to do. I fear 'the system'. I fear being pigeon holed or locked up somewhere, totally misunderstood. I fear medication - I tried anti-depressants for 6 months and felt myself turning into a grey thing in a constant fog, this was no good. I couldn't focus.
I've had therapy, but the main object of this seems to be to get me into a nice beige life. I don't live in a city and I'm fearful of the medical services where I do live - I can only access the public health system and because I don't cause any problems to anyone but myself really, I'm not a priority.
I think my only alternative is to go back to study, but I lack even the money to move from this place that I live in and it's just getting too hard.
I really am alone. I spend nearly every day completely alone and I am not coping any more. I do desperately want a life.