STEPHEN FRY

I'm normal. Honest. And yes, BP does all that stuff to you. Now I know about it, I don't go around feeling guilty about "underachievement". The achievement many of us have is that we're still here and mostly functioning, which won't sound much to anyone outside of our particular box, but I think we're doing OK
thank you.

The future for so many of us is a distant land with no clear path to it; we just aim for the horizon, vague as it is, and see what turns up. I treat it all as an adventure now instead of a thing to be overcome or defeated by.

They said of manic depressives on TSLOTMD

20% excell like Stephen himself
40% work but in jobs below their actual capabilities
20% can't work and live at home
20% kill themselves

So at least you are in the top half. I'm not. All my work is voluntary. My books aren't best sellers. I live at home. If i couldn't bare the thought of the look on my father's face I'd be in the bottom 20%. Maybe that'd increase my book sales?

KSx

Kasha you are not an anomaly. I never finished college. I stayed in the same job for eleven years at Disneyland. I should have been a supervisor but never got my degree. I made it to lead and slacked off so much I was demoted.

I have been ‘let go’ from most jobs I have worked since 2006. I’ve been telling myself it is because I am a ‘cripple’ and on pain medication. You can lie to others and you can definitely lie to yourself.

Honestly I have been sabotaging myself right along. Impulsivity is my creed. I sent a harsh email to a client who owns a string of electronic stores in the US. He was a bit miffed and told our head office that they were pulling our products, My boss wanted to suspend me two weeks but then pay me the lost time as a Christmas bonus. I was concerned that he would be seen as weak before the owners. In effect I fired myself.

I was also let go from a temporary assignment at a new hospital. I was to be the permanent telephone operator but I had a bad habit of teasing the pharmacy director asking him to send any extra Vicodin my way. Apparently I was the only person who was amused. In retrospect perhaps I should have arrested in my tongue.

Those are just two of my stupid and impulsive approaches to employment.

I have wanted to be a ‘paperback writer’ since I was ten. Still do in fact. I have started and stopped writing my opus many times.

I get the most brilliant ideas and start them with good intensions. Along the way I will stop and tell myself, “I really feel tired today. There is a new book I want to read and I don’t feel the muse right now.”

That’s me. I procrastinate. Then I rush and do sloppy work in the remaining day or two left. At that point I become over whelmed by the amount of work left to do and freeze entirely. I have had days with ideas popping out of my head and then abandon them before I get into developing them. These are usually big projects that sound great on paper but I do not have the experience to realistically pull the project off. (How does one-person stage a concert at a large venue and gather sponsors willing to pay for it?)

Again I say, Kasha you are not alone. In my case I think the medications are beginning to help. I hope you can find the answer you’re looking for.

Bless

I don't know if reading everyone's contributions is making me feel better or worse. That's very strange. Perhaps it's because I've only recently begun to admit my depression to myself.
Thoughts of inadequacy seem to go right back to school days. Can't remember liking any of that time. But always thought that pretty much everything was 'my fault'. To this day I can't see how what is basically an act of violence with a bamboo stick could make a child into a better learner. And not knowing what to do when bullied, another failure/weakness?
Quit school at 16

Kashka the award winning salesperson! Respect is due. You a loser? I don't think so.

I often procrastinate to myself so skillfully to avoid dealing with people or situations that I could probably have made a career out of it. ( Maybe I have )
I'm 56 and have been aware of some hearing loss and tinnitus for at least 15 years now, but putting it down to getting older doesn't help the depressing nature of it.
No long term partner for 23 years, no partner at all for the last 9. I'm sure it's down to my inability to communicate.
I've mostly done manual work. Always was good making stuff since school. There's the 'not communicating' thing again, isn't it? Never even considered going to college. It seemed too much like school, and to be avoided.
I have a house full of 'projects', which I've wasted money on but have never seen them through. Cars that needed fixing, but I just sat indoors over many years/months/weekends instead.
Relationships always end, and even if it's lasts 5/6 years, it's still a failure.
I had a couple of 'counselling' sessions within the last 12 months due to something I did. I suppose I need more, but still want to keep it to myself. Don't want others to have to concern themselves with my crap.
Sorry if I've hijacked your thread Kashka, I'm not going to say any more.
Yes, I know I probably need to talk, but I bloody hate it.

There are some great people posting on here! I could never run a business or write a book. But I'll always consider others before myself, it may be my only good quality.

Hi phymonarg, welcome to the site. Why don't you introduce yourself properly on the introductions thread (somewhere near the top of the forum). It would be good to know more about you. Your post was very sad.

KSx

Haha! I like the Eddie Murphy quote.
One of my cats is called Eddy. He's mad as a brush and half as intelligent.
I thought I may have intro'ed myself when I joined the site last year. I was not in the mood for mucho posting, and, as recently mentioned, didn't want to clog the pipes here with my crap and guilt and general malarkey. Though I did sign up out of my enthusiasm for Mr S Fry's barking appreciation of the surreal side of life, and the fact that I empathize with his gentle ways. The young whippersnapper!
But I have a terrible memory and can't find how to view my old posts.

Thanks so much for the welcomes anyhoo everyone. Doh! Where's the 'heart' or kissing, smiley?

Food upps the spirits somewhat.
Huge baked potato with cheese on top and baked beans! And a cuppa! And here comes Eddy, because he can smell the cheese and butter. Pig dog cat!

Pete x

Hi sorry folks something else. It seems the not being able to see things through is another symptom however no one has said anything about the feeling of being an observer in this world , not really part of it? is this just me or is this the illness?
Kashka