Is it me, or there something about these long nights and short days that gets me down. True, life for me isn't exactly distracting at the moment, though I do my best. But there's something about being stuck in a constant dullness, with clouds overhead, and a chill or dank gloom hanging in the air. Some call it SAD (seasonal affected disorder) but I don't know, I just feel shit.
On top of that I went over to these low energy light bulbs (doing my bit for to stop global warming ) but bollocks, they're shit. In very small room perhaps they're okay, but it seems that they make my moods even gloomier. It's been said that many people get headaches from them, and feel a sense of increasing torpidity.
And on top of that, with old Christmasy time x days away and broke, you feel like you out of it, unable to give much, and at the whims of those who treat you like a tragic waif. And at my age!
And on top of that,(I know I've just said that already), it's getting colder and there's not enough pennies for the meter to run the electric. So its triple tee-shirts and double jumpers....and it's not even below zero yet.
But at least they care...not like all those fucking friends I had that just stopped calling the moment i ended up on the dole...only there for the good times. Good job I hid my fucking downers from them or they're be fucking nowhere from the beginning. Perhaps that wouldn't have been a bad thing. I'm seriously considering a career as an axe murder...an alcoholic who'd be just too expensive. Anyway, it's about time I put my chopper to some use again.
Fuck...sometimes life's just shit...and the worse think is....
i've been hear before.
Mind you, I've taken time out to read few good books and dig out some old cassettes and chill out...
Breaking contradictions in his mind was, to him, like walking through a winter forest snapping twigs underfoot.