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AlcoholicSubstance


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Posted Wed Feb 20th, 2008 9:30pm Post subject: Love - A monologue.
Have you ever had that feeling?
Love?
If you have, could you explain it to me, please? There was a time when I knew that feeling very well, I was in love.
It’s quite complicated, the feelings you get. At first it’s like you’re nauseous and then…well like you’re floating.
Pretty fucking weird. But nice.
You start doing all this stupid things that you never thought you’d do before. You start writing little poems, trying to rhyme two words isn’t as easy as it seems, so consequently, they’re crap poems.
You don’t realise this until you look back on them though.
You can’t sleep because this person is all you can think of and your thoughts are going a mile a minute. And if you do sleep, you wake up with an erection and you’re desperately trying to remember what your dream was.
And then there’s the hopes and dreams.
Fuck the present, your thoughts are in twenty years time when you can imagine yourself in a family.
You manage to fool yourself into thinking that it’s actually going to happen.
I suppose this makes the hurt worse when your dreams come tumbling down.

You suddenly wake up and you’re back to your old shitty life. Your days consist of a repetitive set of generic conventions, but you don’t notice.
Everyone is walking, but you’re crawling so you try and keep up the pace so they don’t notice.
You try and concentrate on little things. Lunch, homework, music.
It doesn’t matter, as long as your thoughts aren’t on them
But this hardly ever works. You realise you’re going to have to get through this on your own.
So you sit at home with the most alcoholic substance you can get your hands on. You sit there crying.
You’re not sure why you’re crying, but you realise after five or six glasses that it probably doesn’t even matter.
Making stupid promises is the next stage. You make yourself believe that you’ll never fall in love again. You believe that somehow you can block off all feelings to your heart.

So you carry on with your life, approaching every cliché as it comes.
Six months down the line you bump into them again. She’s got a new boyfriend. She smiles and hugs you and you play along.
It takes every ounce of your energy to hold yourself back from breaking this bastard’s face.
You watch them walk away, hand in hand, kissing. A tear rolls down your cheek and your stomach turns upside down.
You want to shout and scream. You want to tell her it was all your fault and that you’re sorry that she felt as though she needed to cheat on you or dump you. You don’t care how it ended, but you do know that it was your fault.

You go to sleep and the next day you’re feeling better. Your mind is clear and you’re starting to accept that there’s more to life than love.
You get dressed and head off to college or wherever you’re going. You walk through crowds of people until you come to where you need to be. Work, English class, supermarket, it doesn’t matter.
You’ve finally got your life back on track.

You look around the room and watch everyone working and chatting.
Your gaze moves over to the far side of the room where the girls sit. One of them looks up and sees you, they smile and wave. You gulp as a familiar feeling returns to you. Your stomach knots and your heart beat triples.

But you allow it to happen. You block out the idea that it’ll end up the same as your last relationship did.

You open up your book and find your pen, trying to think of words that rhyme with Love.

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