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Red Raven


Member

Posted Thu May 29th, 2008 11:20pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
It really sucks. How the hell do people do it? I mean really? It's easier for me to get my Sims to make friends that it is for me to. And trust me, that's the hardest part of the damn game for me! It seems like every attempt I make is a joke. Like someone somewhere is having a huge laugh at my expense. One time, I was waitressing and one of the girls I worked with was really cool, we had a LOT in common. So we decided to hang out one day, so I went over to her house and HAHA jokes on me! Her and her boyfriend were drunk as piss and she tried to feel me up. Never saw her again. All the people that I want to hang out with live far away and it really sucks. I wish I didn't need human interaction cause it can really fuck up ones self esteem to keep failing over and over and over.

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Zefla


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 1:02am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
Aww sweetie. I think you're nice. But I understand where you're coming from aswell...people are poo. Internet people are great.

I bought you a rhino to stomp all over the annoying people...


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Panja


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 2:14am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I don't understand it either, I've always had trouble making friends. And I rarely get to see the few friends I do have. It doesn't help that I don't like to drink or do drugs and that's all anyone ever wants to do in this crap town, so I find it really difficult to go out and meet people.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 8:41pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
Well I have trouble making friends these days for two reasons. One is that I live and work in Poland and don't speak the language much yet. The other is that I find most Polish people nice enough (which is an improvement on England and good for my son to grow up with), but it's kind of a bland soap-opera type niceness. Even the teenagers seem too nice - tarty clothes on girls and heavy metal clothes and hairstyles on boys do not change the fact that at heart they're rather unrebellious. I even know a couple who are into Far Eastern cultures, have travelled to Tibet and India and are vegetarians, but they're still quite conventionally Polish to my mind.
I want to meet unconventional people (by Polish standards) - hippies, gays, people who've heard of music earlier than the 1980s, film and TV buffs...but typical Polishness seems to consist of teenagers who like metal and anime; middle-aged people who like either 80s music or folk and spend their free time in the mountains; in fact it's generally the old people here who are the most interesting, diverse and pleasant to be around.

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fryfan20


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 8:57pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
i'm sorry but i can't help you making friends, i don't know how to do it myself
i have two verry good friends now but that i got them is not because of my friend making skils.

i can promise you that if i found out that trick i tell you

i hope i am making any sens, if i'm not than i am sorry

I am what I am

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 8:58pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
Don't worry fryfan. You usually make sense.

xx

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nongenderous


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 9:20pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
You are not the only one who have trouble making friends. I've had this problem all my life. One of the problems is that I'm shy and suffer from low self esteem. Because I've been quiet for as long as I can remember I've been the one the bullies picked out. I've met people I thought I could trust, but at the end of the day couldn't trust. I'm very suspicious when I meet strangers, and after fours years in college (I have to point of that I've studied at different colleges) I can't make any friends. I've met people I like and enjoy spending time and someone I once dreamed about having as a boyfriend. But I've not had any real friends, have not dated anyone, or had a relationship of any kind. I'm in my mid-twenties and I feel left out when people talk about their boyfriends. Some people talk to me as if I know everything about relationships when I know nothing about what it is like. When you've reached a certain age some people just assume that you've been in a relationship. I haven't, and all around me people are in serious relationships and start families. One girl in my class described me as "mysterious", because I didn't reveal a lot about myself and no one really knew me. That's a problem for me. I don't know how much I'm going to tell people about me. When does a friendship begin and what is a friend? This year I've met some of the people from high school, and I've enjoyed meeting them again. We're doing different things in our lives, but it's still nice to meet them. I've even been invited to a party and I'm usually never invited, but I'm really looking forward to this one.
I'm the sort of person who is in need of a "safe" environment to enjoy myself with other people. That's why I'd rather be at school with people I know, than at a party with lots of drunk people where it is impossible to have a normal conversation.
The people I met this year I'll probably never meet again (except on Facebook).
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Britannicus


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 9:51pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I like threads like this where we get to relate our own experiences and it can be as good or better than trying to respond to everyone's situation individually. At the very least it is easier because, since as we don't really know each other personally, we don't have to try to struggle for the "right" -- but ultimately generic -- words. This story-telling is good because it shows us all that we're not alone...that's a statement that is said a lot, but it's true. Not everyone is the super-friend-generating guru image that we can sometimes (or at least I do) feel bad for not living up to.

I've always had only a small number of friends at a given time, and usually only one or two close ones. Most of my life I’ve felt like I was mostly alone and I was fine with that. Last fall was a bit of a change -- I went back to college after a bit of a break and I suddenly found myself in a larger group of people than usual. A very varied group, too. I got to spend time with many kinds of people, with all sorts of different backgrounds, a big change from the fairly homogenous population back home. I felt very accepted, and my confidence went higher than it has ever been in the past. Like January Heart, I’m really quiet and haven’t had relationships yet; however during this time I started talking more than ever. For the first time in my life I felt like I really enjoyed other people’s company, and I started seeking it out rather than hiding away from everyone. For the first time ever, I felt like…hey, if I fell off the face of the earth, someone would notice.

But then the Bad Thing happened and everything changed. I removed myself from the world for a while so I could cope, but after a while it just became easier to stay hidden away. And I haven’t really come out since. They really were good people, those friends I made, but even good people will back off if you make it seem like you don’t want them around, I guess… They did with me. I guess it’s my fault for not confiding in them more, but I haven’t really learned that social trick yet. And the one thing that shows me that I haven’t really changed at all – I don’t regret not telling them, and while I’m sad I’m alone again, it’s familiar. Maybe I’ll get another chance this fall. I don’t know.

"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"

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wildfire


Member

Posted Fri May 30th, 2008 11:01pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
You're very good at expressing things Britannicus.

You've explained what I've thought, too. but I could never say that. The last time I went out with friends was months ago. I exist in my own personal little oubliette at the moment.

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Phlizz


Member

Posted Sat May 31st, 2008 7:29am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
It seems a lot of us on here have trouble making friends (or keeping them). Perhaps if we didn't , we wouldn't be on here, we'd be out with them! *giggles* It's not as easy as people make out, I don't know how some people do it, I really don't. If I'm myself people don't like me and if I try to be someone else people don't like me. It's just one of those things I suppose

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Sun Jun 1st, 2008 8:00pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I like threads like this where we get to relate our own experiences and it can be as good or better than trying to respond to everyone's situation individually. At the very least it is easier because, since as we don't really know each other personally, we don't have to try to struggle for the "right" -- but ultimately generic -- words. This story-telling is good because it shows us all that we're not alone...that's a statement that is said a lot, but it's true. Not everyone is the super-friend-generating guru image that we can sometimes (or at least I do) feel bad for not living up to.


Very well put Britannicus. It's good that we can relate our experiences to each other like this. It's good also finding other people who aren't into the whole party drinking thing. Sometimes I feel like Iike I'm the only one and there's something wrong with me.

It seems a lot of us on here have trouble making friends (or keeping them). Perhaps if we didn't , we wouldn't be on here, we'd be out with them! *giggles* It's not as easy as people make out, I don't know how some people do it, I really don't. If I'm myself people don't like me and if I try to be someone else people don't like me. It's just one of those things I suppose

That's true. We'd be out partying or something if we found it so easy. I don't how some people manage to find it so easy to just dive in like that. I find it so difficult and even stressful. I've also found like you Phlizz many many times when I've been myself people think I'm too weird and/or too geeky.

Assuming direct control...

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Phlizz


Member

Posted Sun Jun 1st, 2008 10:03pm Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I hear you there Amyl. I hate the way people weedle information out of you then don't like the answer. Like, when people ask me what my favourite films are, and I say repeatedly I don't have any, then they go on and on and eventually I give in and tell them the truth, that I really like silent films, they go all quiet and think I'm weird and then I feel an idiot. Why can't people just leave it?!

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Zefla


Member

Posted Mon Jun 2nd, 2008 12:26am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I hear you there Amyl. I hate the way people weedle information out of you then don't like the answer. Like, when people ask me what my favourite films are, and I say repeatedly I don't have any, then they go on and on and eventually I give in and tell them the truth, that I really like silent films, they go all quiet and think I'm weird and then I feel an idiot. Why can't people just leave it?!

See I actually think thats quite cool. I like manga films. Mention that to anyone normal and they'll immediately pretend that they now what they are and that they like them and all the time you can watch them being confused.

I've since long grown bored of people thinking I'm geeky. Yes I am. I don't really care who knows ( I bought a badge). Yes most of my favourite books are science fiction. Although this is making my 'Dobbie from Peep Show' effect stronger as I only seem to be able to attract friends/potential partners who are more geeky than me. Oh well.

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Red Raven


Member

Posted Mon Jun 2nd, 2008 2:41am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
Thanks for replying everyone. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. I can really relate to a lot of what all of you are saying. I wish I had money for every time someone got confused or laughed or rolled their eyes when I told them my interests. I spoke to a woman at work about it and she said that with me going back to school this fall I'll get the chance to make more friends and they will be on a similar level as me and have similar interests, at least with majors and such. But I get so nervous about making friends. In my experience, when I just try to give someone a shot that I think I have something in common with, it all blows up in my face. I did get really lucky tho recently. I met this guy that's younger than me and he wanted to hang out so I thought, "what the hell, it's something to do". So we hung out...turned out we have a lot in common and get along very well. But in the back of my mind I keep waiting for it to fall apart I guess.

Trust is another thing, so many times I've put trust in people and told them things and so many times they've broken that trust. I have a hard time opening up to people(even here I hold back even tho all of you totally rock my world). I think that's what scares me the most is that vulnerability that you put yourself in when you meet new people and get to know them. When you put yourself out there. I'm looking forward to getting more confidence...mine has gone way up the last couple of months but I think it needs a bit more for me to get to the point of take it or leave it. Ya know?

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nicole_21290


Member

Posted Wed Jun 11th, 2008 1:13am Post subject: Making Friends...or rather, NOT
I seem unable to make NEW friends. I have a group of people that I've hung out with since I was about 10 (from church) and they're fantastic but not one of them shares the same kind of interests with me. In fact, not anyone I know does. It's frustrating. I'm so slow at getting to know people. I just never know what to say and when finally I do about something I'm passionate about (reading, etymology of language, mythology, SF/HL) I get strange looks and sneers. I don't go out - hate the atmosphere of parties (so awkward), don't drink etc. I've never been in a relationship and for some reason don't seem to develop those 'deep' friendships everyone else does. My friends all chat about all these serious deep convos they have and I never have. Mum reckons I'm shallow but I don't think I am; it's just that no one ever tells me anything. I've never told any secrets or betrayed people's trust so I feel maybe I seem unapproachable which I don't want to be. I just don't converse easily with others, especially when all my friends talk about are things I have no interest in. It's quite irritating but I have no idea how to change it. I'm at uni at the moment (I'm 18) but because the people I meet I've never met before it takes ages to get enough courage to actually talk to them and even if we have stuff in common you usually don't see them again after half a year because you don't do all the same subjects. Not good. Sorry for the whining.

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