Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

KeithBizzell


Member

Posted Wed Nov 17th, 2010 11:13pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I'm sorry I just need to vent before I explode. I feel helpless so much energy i need to burn off no way of doing it i can't handle all the hate in the world and i can't stand living with it in me. I just scare myself when i have so much pent up and nowhere to put it it makes me wonder what happens when the vessel is full. Can't stop moving probably to stop me thinking things i shouldn't. *head explosion*

"That's all it is, we're all crazy but we won't admit, the one is just the one we're comfortable to be crazy with." - Akala

Back to top

Wilde Woman


Member

Posted Fri Nov 19th, 2010 3:54pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Ok... I'm just dropping in to share what's been troubling me as it might help others.

Like a few others on this site I've lost a couple of people to suicide so before you're tempted to follow suit please stop and think how you would feel if the people you care most about beat you to it. You know who I'm talking about, those people you would willingly move mountains and turn the world inside out for if you could if that's what it took to make things better.

I've been wrestling with my conscience over saying anything at all as I know when I've been suicidal how much I needed to talk about how low I was feeling. I've hated coming here and hearing about everyone's lows because I'm been petrified that any one of you will attempt suicide and it is (with Xmas coming up) prime suicide season.

I felt I failed the people I lost, I felt I didn't do enough for them, I felt guilty for ever laughing or doing my own thing instead of being there for them. I felt I should have been the one to have died for being such a useless human being.

It's taken copious amounts of counselling for me to learn the hard way that it was their choice and nothing to do with me, but even now I worry what I might inadvertently trigger despite all my best intentions and all my efforts.

The last month has made me realize I can't stop anyone who wants to top themselves, just as no one would have stopped me if I'd really gone for it. We have to want better things, we have to believe we have worth above all things, we have to believe in ourselves.

Some conditions and episodes are so severe that it can seem nigh on impossible to feel that way and that is why with every atom of my being I keep banging on about seeing the professional medical teams whose stock in trade is to help you to see you have worth and a future.

The most anyone else can do is keep rooting for you and be a sounding board. But I know too that we known of us play fair when it comes to our medical teams when we're that low as we keep things from them. How the fuck are they suppose to help you if they're left working in the dark? It boils down to you putting the work in to save your own skin because no one else will, but most of all can do it for you.

I had one person turn around and tell me after a suicide attempt "if you want to try that again, let me know I have some sharp knives and here's how to use them. Don't think I'll come running after you if you want to borrow them because I won't. I'll be glad to be shot of you."

She meant it. It shook me to my senses and she became a closer friend. I never had a serious attempt again. I'm on the flip side now and right with her. If you don't want to fight for yourself, I can't help you and I won't.

Sorry, but if you want people to care about you, you stand a better chance of it if you first start to care about yourself. If you're not interested in you, why should anyone else be? Anyone who does still want to live though... I'm with you all the way through the harder, tougher battle.

Discuss... with your medics please.

My Blogsites:
http://mindwalking-ajournalofdiscovery.blogspot.com/
It's the one who haven't been assessed I'm scared of!

Back to top

Wilde Woman


Member

Posted Fri Nov 19th, 2010 4:32pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

PS: I'm out of here to recharge my batteries and to see my medics.

Thank you Vampyros for choosing to fight through your recent low. Am rooting for you still - catch me in the usual place.

Thank you Zoo and KS too for your words of encouragement through all this. I'm really sorry for those of you, who like me have lost loved ones to suicide, and will be forever sad to here of other cases. But we owe it to them to prove it's possible to survive and start trying to live. It was/is their choice. N'owt we can do about it except get help for ourselves to keep going.

Take care all I hope you all choose to fight and all believe you're worth doing that for. As it says in my latest posting on my blog, I believe you are - high time you did too.

With you in spirit if not in person always, but I need to be a bit selfish over my own needs now.

My Blogsites:
http://mindwalking-ajournalofdiscovery.blogspot.com/
It's the one who haven't been assessed I'm scared of!

Back to top

Little Sparrow


Member

Posted Fri Nov 26th, 2010 1:58am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

What an awesome idea; wish I'd known about this years ago when I emailed my boss multiple times basically saying I was doing her job better than her!


Back to top

Wilde Woman


Member

Posted Sat Nov 27th, 2010 4:36pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Sorry for the outburst, just needed to get things out of my system as you do. Still struggling to find some time and space for me but I have written another bit on my blogsite that might be of interest.

http://mindwalking-ajournalofdiscovery.blogspot.com/

My Blogsites:
http://mindwalking-ajournalofdiscovery.blogspot.com/
It's the one who haven't been assessed I'm scared of!

Back to top

Snickers


Member

Posted Thu Dec 9th, 2010 2:34am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Nearly did some stupid things this week.. Ugh. I am starting to get a build up of anger an frustration in my head because I didn't go through with those stupid things, dunno really how to get the anger out.. I might go get a piercing or maybe a tattoo..


Back to top

Vampyros


Member

Posted Sun Dec 12th, 2010 4:13pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Piercings and tattoos work for me. I have also thought about taking up kick boxing.
Vx

The Katy Sara Culling Tribute is ready in e-Book form http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2326 Charity/Bipolar

Back to top

Snickers


Member

Posted Mon Dec 13th, 2010 1:57am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Vampyros said:
Piercings and tattoos work for me. I have also thought about taking up kick boxing.
Vx

I did kick boxing for a while.. I stopped because I so incredibly lazy and unfit. I am very tempted to get a tattoo.. My family doesn't approve so I would have to get one thats hidden.. Have had a few thoughts, but am still unsure of what to get..


Back to top

katysara


Moderator

Posted Mon Dec 13th, 2010 7:41pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

my parents disapprove, I have eleven

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

Back to top

Susanne85


Member

Posted Tue Dec 14th, 2010 2:17am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

katysara said:
my parents disapprove, I have eleven


Back to top

Snickers


Member

Posted Tue Dec 14th, 2010 10:15am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Have to wait a few years before I can go get mine.. Unless I find someone willing to pretend to be my Dad.. Hmmmm...

But only a few more months before I can get piercings tho.. Or, I could just do them myself.. Hmmmmm...


Back to top

stryderunknown


Member

Posted Tue Dec 14th, 2010 6:07pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Vampyros said:
Piercings and tattoos work for me. I have also thought about taking up kick boxing.
Vx

Here's an interesting hypothesis some of you might test. Chilli Peppers could in fact generate a similar reaction to feelings that people get from Tattoo's, Piercings or Exercise. The active ingredient that generates the "hotness" is from a chemical called "Capsaicin" which causes the body to react firstly we pain and then relief in the form of endorphins. (it's the main reason why people that eat spicy hot foods tend to become "addicts" to the endorphin release)

It's quiet possible that Spicy foods can therefore be seen a safe "upper" (At least until you have to deal with waste extraction)


Back to top

katysara


Moderator

Posted Tue Dec 14th, 2010 7:34pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

that is hilarious and true stryderunknown!

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

Back to top

Snickers


Member

Posted Wed Dec 15th, 2010 2:44am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Hahahahaha that was the most interesting and strange fact I have read all month stryderunknown


Back to top

Snickers


Member

Posted Wed Jan 12th, 2011 1:56am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Kinda went on a low rampage again.. So this is me posting AFTER doing something stupid.. Went to cut my hair again, I'd never used a electronic razor before so I borrowed Dads, me thinks I broke it :/ So I just got some sissors and snipped off my hair. Coloured it too; Blonde (Well, more like ginger/yellow kind of blonde) With a black fringe. Didn't fail too badly. Dad doesnt like it so I know I did well.


Back to top