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Astrid


Member

Posted Wed Jan 12th, 2011 8:50pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

So you're a hair clipper, too. I cut my hair a few times with a nail scissors, in the middle of the night. Then I color it orange or purple-red and goes with my nose in the sky for a while - but now and then I cry because I have not thought further than my nose ranks!


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Astrid


Member

Posted Wed Jan 12th, 2011 8:51pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

dob.


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tracey mitchell


Member

Posted Sat Feb 5th, 2011 11:15pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

you know .. i know this thread exists , iv read it dozens of times ... so why the heck is it i dont think of using it until AFTER iv done something stupid AAaaarrrrgh
i did it again
i seriously need enough discipline to just not hit enter sometimes


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Vampyros


Member

Posted Sat Mar 5th, 2011 5:07am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Cath rang doc before cancer unit. Doc told me off for not arranging my physio appt explained I had been in bed for 3 wks rang as soon as I was a bit better. He said surely u can use a phone . When depression hits me (not just a bit low) I don't eat drink wash or het of bed except to use toilet. Don't even post online u guys know how bad it gets. ARSEHOLE mum is going to see him next week. I would take the week off if I was him. Cancer unit told me to go straight to A&E and looks like cancer is back ignorant shit. He even asked Cath if I was sure it wasn't my period if he had read my notes he would have seen they stopped after my first radiotherapy 3 years ago. TWAT

I am going to do all the tests etc but I dont think I can do Chemo again and if its spread to my bowel as well then thats game over - at least it was for Jade and mine followed the same path as hers until of course she died.

Vx

The Katy Sara Culling Tribute is ready in e-Book form http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2326 Charity/Bipolar

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Susanne85


Member

Posted Sat Mar 5th, 2011 4:37pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

WTF?!

a huge giant big hug for you

*don't have any other words for this*

I really hope it didn't spread. Don;t know you very well, but I will think of you.


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MrCartoonguy


Member

Posted Sat Mar 5th, 2011 11:02pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I am speechless. Hoping for you.
Love to you. I respect you for fighting through and for the suffering you go through.

Reality is contigent; the only permanent concept in the multiverse is change - death. We are born into it and it follows us.

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Vampyros


Member

Posted Sat Mar 26th, 2011 1:35am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Reading these posts makes the KS situation even worse, WHY?

I no there is no fault no blame but WHY?

Vx

The Katy Sara Culling Tribute is ready in e-Book form http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2326 Charity/Bipolar

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MrCartoonguy


Member

Posted Sat Mar 26th, 2011 9:53pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Vampyros, It has been horrid. Bloody awful news recently. Certainly, there is a lot of negativity in this forum. However, there is hope. It is a time to fight and be mindful. Bipolar is an enemy and something I will fight forever. I hate this enemy and I would love others to fight the depression. It is a powerful enemy as it turns your mind against you. Your strongest asset become your worst enemy.
So, please, let us beat it and learn to out smart it, fight it, avoid, side step or use what ever strategies we have in our subjectivity to prevent the enemy gaining any ground.
What helps me is writing, identifying what is real and what has come from the negativity. Cognetivity. Avoid anything negative when there may be vulnerability and know myself as much as I can. Still, the blues will get the better of me but I will eventually win and I will experience hope, bliss, life, happiness and euphoria. I certainly do not wish to sound like a know it all or a twat of any kind but if I do then perhaps I am. It doesn't matter at the moment. The recent tragic news bought things home to me and I wish as much positivity, good will, feeling and wellness to everyone here. I feel it is needed. I need it and I passionately wish it to all of those who are lacking it at the moment. It is in you, perhaps dormant, it's up to you to continue, time can be an ally as well as a punisher. Please be strong, we can feel good. Never, ever give up.

Reality is contigent; the only permanent concept in the multiverse is change - death. We are born into it and it follows us.

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MrCartoonguy


Member

Posted Sat Mar 26th, 2011 9:56pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Vampyros, It has been horrid. Bloody awful news recently. Certainly, there is a lot of negativity in this forum. However, there is hope. It is a time to fight and be mindful. Bipolar is an enemy and something I will fight forever. I hate this enemy and I would love others to fight the depression. It is a powerful enemy as it turns your mind against you. Your strongest asset become your worst enemy.
So, please, let us beat it and learn to out smart it, fight it, avoid, side step or use what ever strategies we have in our subjectivity to prevent the enemy gaining any ground.
What helps me is writing, identifying what is real and what has come from the negativity. Cognetivity. Avoid anything negative when there may be vulnerability and know myself as much as I can. Still, the blues will get the better of me but I will eventually win and I will experience hope, bliss, life, happiness and euphoria. I certainly do not wish to sound like a know it all or a twat of any kind but if I do then perhaps I am. It doesn't matter at the moment. The recent tragic news bought things home to me and I wish as much positivity, good will, feeling and wellness to everyone here. I feel it is needed. I need it and I passionately wish it to all of those who are lacking it at the moment. It is in you, perhaps dormant, it's up to you to continue, time can be an ally as well as a punisher. Please be strong, we can feel good. Never, ever give up.

Reality is contigent; the only permanent concept in the multiverse is change - death. We are born into it and it follows us.

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Upanddown


Member

Posted Wed Apr 27th, 2011 6:10am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Bi-Polar with Ultradian Cycling: "Wait five minutes, my mood will change". Why am I jumping at my own shadows? It's midnight and I could write a 1000 word essay write now.

This too shall pass.

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Vampyros


Member

Posted Wed Aug 24th, 2011 12:22am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

POSTED - is that enough. tried to be clever then realised what a load of shite

The Katy Sara Culling Tribute is ready in e-Book form http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2326 Charity/Bipolar

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cannedheat


Member

Posted Thu Dec 8th, 2011 4:05am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I don't have time to read through all these posts. Nor will I ever. I don't feel comfortable talking to complete strangers straight off the back. You usually have to earn my trust. I posted a post in the general of this forum. Read that. You'll find out more about me. It was intended as a letter for Stephen Fry, but I can't find an email address anywhere. And the PM doesn't work.
Anyway it's there. Read it if you want. Could care less if you don't. Thankyou for your time and your sincerity.

<3


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Zeravia


Member

Posted Sat Dec 17th, 2011 12:44am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I will not pretend to know what any of you is going through, just as i don't expect any one here to understand me, but i figure, i may as well share since others are.

probably the single worst manic episode i had was approximately a year and a half ago, on the 4th of July 2010. My boyfriend, whom i love dearly more then life it's self, had to go and visit his mother for the holiday, he would have been back in less then a week, but did i wait?

no.

i atonce went online and got in touch with a B&D couple. i had no idea at the time i was doing anything that would eventually ruin my life for good. {i don't see anyway out of the hole i am in now} I went and moved out of my aunts house stealing quite a few things to fund my trip and began a life as a slave. I was even tattooed with a bar-code and allowed this because i was so 'up' i wanted anything to punish myself for what i thought was driving off my boyfriend, when in fact had not done anything of the like. i suppose this was my very first actual suicide. i knew what i was getting into, knew how it would end, but half way in, i panicked became depressed and when no one understood, i had an episode that lead to a car battery and jumper cables, though, i do not remember that whole day. {probably more then anyone needed to know... >_>; }

I spent 6 months with Heather, in which time she went back to my aunts house and robed her of a fare few sentimental things of my mothers. my aunt disowned me after that.

so, you can guess when i really got in trouble, my aunt and uncle turned their backs on me. I became homeless and eventually moved in with my boyfriend and his mother. still i did not understand anything and moved again to my fathers.

I've been relatively calm {countering those months before} since. but that entire time ruined what there was left of my pathetic life.

Just thought i would share.

._.


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romanee


Member

Posted Sun Dec 25th, 2011 12:01am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I have been having a mixed episode I think for quite a while now, feeling calmer since I've come back to my Mothers for a rest. I did probably the most silliest thing I have ever done, I don't even really remember doing it, but 1am on Monday I jumped into the Spanish Arch river swam, and swam, drunken people had seen me, and obviously rang 999, in my mind I was going to swim till I exhausted myself, and died. A rescue team was sent, I spent the night in casulty, my mum was called. I had mild hypothermia. Mum managed to talk them out of sectioning me saying I'd be better off at home with her, I'm glad I at home with her. It's all abit vague what happened. Thought I would share


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Lumikuningatar


Member

Posted Sun Jan 15th, 2012 12:09am Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Urgh…

Yesterday involved me for some reason lying about where I'd come from to the ticket conductor on the train. It was so impulsive and I was out of it (rapid cycling and in quite a distressed state with an inner dialogue of ‘come on, it will be fun’ running constantly). I had not used my brain to work out the location I claimed to be coming from had barriers, so I was caught out! Luckily I just bought the ticket in the end but I was so ashamed. The ticket conductor looked at me as if I were a criminal, which I was, and I felt awful. I was quite teary eyed by the end of it and did end up having a long cry later. I had the money, I needed a return from the place I left anyway, so WHY? Of course by the evening I was completely manic so it seemed hilarious but today I’m feeling differently and definitely guilty.

I’ve been noticing I’ve been straying in and out of this petty crime since my condition worsened. My 'criminality' of 2011 was really quite... comical, actually. It started with the obsessive case of the Starbucks mugs. After a long, complicated, BORING story of buying medium sized Starbucks mugs I went to many branches, bought ‘large’ cup of coffee and ended up swapping the medium cups I’d bought for the larges. A businessman once watched me in amazement while I took a medium out of my bag and replaced the large with it. I’m sure it must have been blogged about. The second was much worst but still equally tame. I ended up feeling like a spy hiding from 'menacing' monks on my way to tresspassing private property. I still feel the guilt for what I did with those particular ones because I planned them. I was manic but they weren’t entirely impulsive. I actually felt quite prideful of myself for a short period of time after but when I snapped out of it the shame and guilt came flooding in. What was I left with? Size ‘L’ Starbucks mugs and shame. Not worth it.

I don’t know whether this is entirely to do with the illness, whether I am really a bad person, whether my moral code needs a good polish or I just need a smacked bottom, perhaps a bit of each. I guess it’s only recently I’ve recognized a lot of the time when I go chasing the words of the large, glamorous capitals ‘IT WILL BE FUN’ blocking out the tiny ‘no don’t!’, I’m actually auditory hallucinating. I’ve always thought it was just me impulsively thinking but everything that happened yesterday has proved to me it’s not as I was auditory hallucinating most of the day. I was very 'out of it'. I’ll just need to stay clear otherwise it will get me into some proper trouble.

Feeling so rubbish and guilty and I’ve spent the whole day with my thoughts telling me how horrible and worthless I am. Self-loathing here I come! I’m not diagnosed with BPD yet so feel free to think my miserable conduct just bad personality. Oh but I don’t want to be bad because well, I’m so bad at being bad! It’s like a kitten trying to be intimidating. It doesn’t really work. Ah I regret! I feel I'll even regret typing this up.

Least I've shared in case anyone else has done or seriously contemplated this sort of stuff.

"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

Sigmund Freud

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